What's new
By:
USCHO Fan Forum

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

  • The USCHO Fan Forum has migrated to a new plaform, xenForo. Most of the function of the forum should work in familiar ways. Please note that you can switch between light and dark modes by clicking on the gear icon in the upper right of the main menu bar. We are hoping that this new platform will prove to be faster and more reliable. Please feel free to explore its features.

Dad jokes and Bad jokes. One in the same

MissThundercat said:
Is there a point where Newfoundland just becomes "Land?"
Click to expand...

This road runs near my house. It was built in 1984. Any day now.

INEZEWUSBGQM45NI477BNGJVZM.JPG
 
A man walks into a bar and sits down by the bartender. He pulls a tiny little man out of one pocket, and a tiny little piano out of the other and puts them on the bar where the little man starts playing Mozart. The bartender says, “Sorry to bother you, but where did you find a tiny little man that plays piano like that?” The man says, “I stumbled upon a genie on my way here. If you go out front he might still be there”. The bartender excitedly runs out, and a few minutes later the door opens and hundreds and hundreds of ducks start walking in. The bartender follows and yells, “Why didn’t you tell me the genie was deaf? I asked for a million bucks!” The man says, “Did you really think I asked for an 11-inch pianist?”
 
While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and sheep and began a conversation. Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"

Indian: "Dog no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

Indian: Look of shock.

Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" pointing at the Indian.

Dog: "Yep"

Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Indian: Look of total disbelief.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Indian: "Horse no talk."

Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Indian: Extreme look of shock.

Cowboy: "Is this your owner? " pointing at Indian

Horse: "Yep"

Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."

Indian: Total look of utter amazement.

Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Indian: "Sheep liar."
 
"Will You Marry Me" is a marriage proposal.

"Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.

"Will, you marry me" is a prediction from a time traveler.
 
Why was it difficult for the Zen monk to vacuum the monastery?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

He had no attachments.
 
I walked into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?"

He said: "Aisle B, back."
 
A: So your new Christmas song is 8 verses about demanding figgy pudding with increasing hostility?

B: Yeah.

A: And it's called "We Wish You A Merry Christmas?"

B: Yeah.

A: But it's not really about Christmas. It's about figgy-

B: Figgy pudding, yes.
 
MissThundercat said:
A: So your new Christmas song is 8 verses about demanding figgy pudding with increasing hostility?

B: Yeah.

A: And it's called "We Wish You A Merry Christmas?"

B: Yeah.

A: But it's not really about Christmas. It's about figgy-

B: Figgy pudding, yes.
Click to expand...

I think I was in high school when I first heard that song beyond the first few lines. It was part of a 45-minute Xmas music loop my employer played. I then had daydreams about the Great Figgy Pudding Riots, and the on-scene officers taking witness statements. Merry Figmas indeed.
 
Three women die in a car accident and reach heaven together.

God greets them and says in Heaven there is only one rule - don't step on a duck.

As they make their way through the streets of heaven they discover that there are ducks everywhere. Unfortunately the first woman steps on a duck.

God comes and chains here to the ugliest man she could ever know. He tells her they will be chained together for eternity.

The next day the 2nd woman steps on a duck. God appears to her and chains her to the ugliest man she's ever known.

The 3rd woman manages to avoid stepping on any ducks for more than two months. Suddenly without warning God chains her to the most handsome man she's ever known.

She asks him what's happening, and he says he's not sure but he just stepped on a duck.
 
Tampax announced they will be removing the string in their products and replacing it with tinsel.

It’s just for the Christmas period.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top