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Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

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Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

When we were kids, my sister used to get a dollar after going to the dentist for having a good check up. Me, all I ever got was a little plaque.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Once upon a time there was a relief pitcher named Milt Faymie who piched for the Yankees. He was having a spectacular year getting save after save for his team. But most people didn't know Milt had a problem with alcohol.

As expected the Yanks made it to the World Series, but unexpectedly, they were tied 3-3 in the series with the Dodgers. It came down to the last game, and everyone knew that if it came down to Milt coming in for the save, the Dodgers would be toast. The Dodgers team knew they had to do something desperate, so they snuck a couple of six-packs of Schlitz into Milt's locker. Milt couldn't resist the amber nectar, so by the time the ninth inning rolled around he was toasted.

It turns out, the Yanks needed him in this game more than ever. The Yanks were up 4-3 in the bottom of the ninth, but the Dodgers had managed to load the bases. The call went out for Milt, and the Dodger fans groaned. But Milt had control problems. He walked in the tying run, and then walked in the winning run. The great Milt Faymie blew a save at the most critical time in his career. The Dodgers won the series! Brooklyn went crazy!

During the celebration, someone snuck into the Yankees locker room and retrieved the evidence of the Dodgers' treachery. It then got mixed up with all the champagne and beer bottles in the Dodger locker room. It was almost thrown away with all the other garbage, but an alert Brooklyn player stopped the maintenance man from throwing the bottles away.

Do you know what he said? "Give me those bottles, son. That's the beer that made Milt Faymie walk us."
 
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Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

Russell
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

My spouse and I were playing bridge with the Obamas. Every time Barry bid for a contract, we were able to prevent him from taking enough tricks.

Ah, the pleasure that comes with setting a President.....:)
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

With the influx of foreign players in MLB, I am waiting for the battery of Wu and Clap. Then the announcer will say, "Pitching Wu and Catching Clap."
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

John decides he wants to throw a theme party and after some thought he decides it will be an emotion party. So he writes up a bunch of invitations to his friends and sends them out, telling them to come to his house on Saturday night dressed up as their favourite emotion. Saturday night finally arrives and John hears a knock at his door. When he answers it he sees his friend Gary who's dressed from head to toe in green, he even has his face painted green. John thinks for a minute and says "Let me guess Gary, you are green with envy", Gary says "Yes, very good" and John lets him in. After a few more minutes there's another knock at the door and John answers it to see his friend Wanda all dressed up from head to toe in red, even having her face painted red. After a second or two John says "I got it Wanda, you are red with rage." Wanda says "Good work John" and joins the party. A few more minutes pass by and the door knocks again and John answers it and his friend Pete is standing there all dressed in blue. John, getting good at this, takes a crack at it and says "Pete you are blue with sorrow", to which Pete says "Exactly" and heads into to the party. Another few minutes goes by and there's another knock at John's front door. John answers it to find his French Canadian friend Jacques standing there completely naked with a piece of fruit on his tallywacker. John a little shocked, tries his best to figure out what Jacques is supposed to be, but just can't figure it out. So he finally gives in and says "Ok Jacques you got me, what emotion are you supposed to be?" Jacques proudly proclaims "I am deep in dis pear" and heads into the party.
 
FreshFish said:
My spouse and I were playing bridge with the Obamas. Every time Barry bid for a contract, we were able to prevent him from taking enough tricks.

Ah, the pleasure that comes with setting a President.....:)
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It's "Really Terrible Puns" not "Lame Political Puns".

A guy was walking along the beach when he came across a woman with no arms and no legs crying. He asked her what was wrong and she replied "well I've never been *ed". The guy looked at her and said "well I can take of that!" So he picked her up and threw her in the water. He yelled out "there! Now your *ed!"
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Jimjamesak said:
It's "Really Terrible Puns" not "Lame Political Puns".
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Perhaps you merely are unfamiliar with bridge terminology? If you "set" the other team, it means you prevent them from making the contract that they bid for. No politics involved at all.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.


A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
 
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