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Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

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FreshFish said:
Perhaps you merely are unfamiliar with bridge terminology? If you "set" the other team, it means you prevent them from making the contract that they bid for. No politics involved at all.
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No I got that. I prefer spades myself. The use of Obama, given your other posts around here, made it lame.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

jmh said:
I don't think the problem is the politics, I think the problem is it's just not funny.
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that may well be the case.....

jmh said:
But then, the title of the thread is "Really Terrible Puns" so maybe we should just let it slide.
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right. i am reminded about the quote from churchill in which he said something like "democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others."

Thoreau, Shakespeare, Shaw, all had some really good ones...Shakespeare was really adept at double-entendres as well. Romeo and Juliet has some amazingly bawdy sections if you have a good companion guide to explain the ones that are no longer accessible due to changes in the language ("pr1ck" had similar double meanings back then as it does now)

While this is not a pun, it is one of my favorite Shaw stories....

It seems GBS and a fine young lady were dinner guests seated next to each other. He asked her if she would sleep with him for a million pounds (which was like $40 million in those days), and she blushed and giggled demurely. Then he asked her if she would sleep with him for half a pound (like $20). She became outraged and said, "what kind of a woman do you think I am?" Shaw replied, "we've already established that, now we are negotiating the price."
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

FreshFish said:
that may well be the case.....



right. i am reminded about the quote from churchill in which he said something like "democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others."

Thoreau, Shakespeare, Shaw, all had some really good ones...Shakespeare was really adept at double-entendres as well. Romeo and Juliet has some amazingly bawdy sections if you have a good companion guide to explain the ones that are no longer accessible due to changes in the language ("pr1ck" had similar double meanings back then as it does now)

While this is not a pun, it is one of my favorite Shaw stories....

It seems GBS and a fine young lady were dinner guests seated next to each other. He asked her if she would sleep with him for a million pounds (which was like $40 million in those days), and she blushed and giggled demurely. Then he asked her if she would sleep with him for half a pound (like $20). She became outraged and said, "what kind of a woman do you think I am?" Shaw replied, "we've already established that, now we are negotiating the price."
Click to expand...

Maybe not a pun but still funny.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

The Harvard player was crimson with rage, the Cornell player was red with embarrassment, the Dartmouth player was green with envy, and the Union player was such a cheapskate he wanted to go Dutch.

At least the Engineer really knew how to control that puck, man!
 
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Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

What is the difference between a circus and a sorority?

A circus is an array of cunning stunts.

(This one from the late Robert Schimmel who we saw in Las Vegas years ago)
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

I submitted ten puns for a bad pun contest, hoping to win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did. :(
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Back in the heyday of the Soviet Union, there was a noted meteorologist named Rudolph. Most of the time, his forecasts were way off: if he said sunny and warm it was cloudy and cool; if he said windy it was calm, and so on.

However, if it came to predicting liquid precipitation, he was spot on. Always right, never fail.

The wife of the US ambassador asked, "how can this be?"

and he told her: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

The optometrist fell into his lens-grinding machine. I hear he made a real spectacle of himself.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Years ago their was a Navajo Chief who worked hard and saved hard for his sons to go to an Ivy league college. When they graduated he was so glad when they both did well financially and joined the local yacht club at Newport. He had always wanted to see his red sons in the sail set.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

I have a surgeon friend who had to amputate a fellow's left arm and left leg last week. But now he is all right.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Bubba Jr. was the first person in his Kentucky town to go to college. After graduating his family and the townsfolk threw a huge welcome home party for him. Bubba Sr. stood before the crowd and the proud pop said "Say something smart."

Junior thought for a second and then exclaimed "Pi r square."

Bubba Sr. flew into a rage and beat the tar out of his educated son. "We spent all that money to send you to a fancy college and you come back and say pie are square. Everyone knows pie are round. Cake are square!"
 
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