Actually I wasn't. Just thinking how much fun you'd have poking fun at the LDS church, and you've obliged. I spent a year at Hill Air Force Base in Utah, living in Ogden. And it was a mixed experience. I was never proselytized. Never had anyone get that "look" on their face when I bought anything considered taboo by the church. Never had anyone hector me in public for my sinful ways. I placed my car insurance with an All State agent who happily informed me he was "the only non LSD agent in the state." I suggested he meant to say LDS. He replied: "what's the difference, they're both hallucinogenic." Think about this guy. He gets to tell that joke every day to unsuspecting AF dudes who come into his office. And he gets a laugh every single time.
I was assigned to a small unit at that gigantic base and just by "co-incidence," the officer in charge and the top civilian employee had both graduated from BYU, and had been ROOMMATES. Yet these were two very nice guys who never mentioned their religion and certainly never tried to recruit anyone.
And from personal experience, I can tell you that any of the customary vices were practiced with enthusiasm in Salt Lake City. At the time, the church owned the Olympia brewery. Naturally, my social circle was mostly AF people, and religiously, we were an eclectic bunch. But I came away with a little better understanding of what LDS people were like. And even though I find the tenets of their religion to be literally unbelievable (well, the golden tablets just disappeared), my time in Utah was not unhappy. I wasn't confronted daily with robotic purveyors of their faith and came away with a more tolerant view of LDS people. I would recommend that some folks posting here should try to be a little more tolerant, too. Just dial back a little on the snark is all I'm suggesting. Oh, and don't overlook that choir. Their versiion of Battle Hymn of the Republic can raise the dead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpZ3jPMM5Ac
BTW, in his dementia, Howard Hughes surrounded himself with LDS people, 'cause he trusted 'em.