Partial results are in from Odessa.
Game 1: Seapups vs. Los Tigritos
After an initial bout of diarrhea sent both teams running to the restroom following the pre-game meal, they managed to take the ice, albeit with some pinched faces and awkwardly tight strides. UAA, being the home team, was given choice of music and skated out to a rousing piped-in rendition of "
U-A-A, U-A-A, weeeee are the Seawolves and we're ready to play!" After this, an excessively caterwauling version of the US anthem pre-recorded by local music sensation Tammi Wynn Sue was played. Finally, the
canned mariachi music began and continued at all times during and in-between play.
The teams were not informed of the bouncyball rules being used by the refs, and thus the game began with the ref throwing the puck straight up in the air at center ice, which greatly confused both teams, but they went along with it. Max Véronneau picked up the puck as it slammed back to the ice surface, and passed back to Josh Teves, thus giving Princetom an opening faceoff "win". The victory was short-lived however, as Teves cradled the puck with his stickblade while evading a soft, Euro-style love tap from UAA German shepherd David Trinkberger, and was promptly whistled for a traveling violation when he took his next stride and started dribbling the puck again.
The travelling violations continued for another five minutes of game clock, until both teams started to get the message, and decided that the solution was to do nothing but pass as soon as they got the puck. So the rest of the first period devolved into a game of pass-pass-pass-intercepted-pass-pass-intercepted-pass-pass-etc. Naturally, the officials had no skating experience and were shuffling along, gripping the edges of the boards to stay up. Finally, with 0:15 to play in 1st, Los Tigritos' Finn Evans got frustrated and delivered a crushing check to UAA's Jordan Xavier. He was hit with a "Flagrant 1" call, which awarded UAA 2 "free throws".
The teams lined up on each side of the slot, and Xavier (who was bruised on the play, but took the shots anyway because he plays hockey, not basketball) was directed to stand between the tops of the circles. The ref handed him the puck, and Xavier gave him a confused look before setting it down on the ice, and lined up for a big, dumb slapper on much smarter Ivy League goalie Ryan Ferland. Xavier's first shot soared wide right, to taunts of "YEEHAW, AIRBAWWL!" from the linesmen who by now had given up on attempting to skate and were sitting at the media table between the penalty boxes, cracking their third tallboys of Natty Ice. Xavier proved to be a bit smarter than his Seapup pedigree though, as he took his second slapper off of his teammate's skate and it deflected into the net through Ferland's five-hole, while Ferland was contemplating the philosophies of Plato and Aristotle. UAA would take a shocking 1-0 lead into the locker room.
Princetom, being Ivy Leaguers, spent their first 15 minutes in the room quickly reviewing that other game's rules, and came back ballin' to start the second. They managed to pass their way to the front of the UAA net, and Princetom leading scoring Ryan Kuffner fired a quick wrister behind Kristian Stead at the 13:12 mark of the 2nd period. Over the protestations of UAA head coach Matt Curley, this was ruled by the refs to be worth 2 points, giving Los Tigritos the 2-1 lead.
During the second intermission, the officials wondered amongst themselves why these Canucks and Yanks didn't just put away their sticks and toss the puck around with their hands. Surely the game would be much higher scoring, and therefore more entertaining!
During the third period, Princetom got whistled for another flagrant, and Wankerage's Jeremiah Luedtke was able to tie the game when Ferland's pre-game buffet meatloaf suddenly afflicted him with a terrible cramp. With the game knotted at 2 "points" a piece and less than 5 minutes to play in regulation, it seemed this game was destined for overtime, that is until Ferland's bowels finally couldn't wait anymore and he made mad strides for the rink door. With the net empty, an intense game of pass-pass-pass-intercepted-pass-pass-intercepted-pass-pass-etc. finally ended with Corey Renwick firing a long shot from just behind the blue line into the net, scoring a "field goal" and quadrupling his goal total for the season. Unbelievably, UAA would quickly go on to win the game 5-2, the biggest upset in BFB tournament history.
UAA wins and goes home, while Princetom survives and advances to the BFB South Regional Final.
We are still awaiting the results of Game 2 between Moo U and the Holy One Hit Wonders
