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Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

I'm now left to assume that all participants in Wilmington have succumbed to CO poisoning.

My condolences to all the programs involved. But we won't miss your sh**ty hockey.
 
Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

My pigeon finally came back.

Merrimack vs. Michigan State

Period 1: Taro Hirose had already left, leaving Michigan State without a scorer. With no leading scorer, Michigan State was left to goon it up. With participants having trouble breathing due to CO fumes, there was a bunch of standing around hacking and wheezing. There were some attempted passes that went nowhere, shots that trickled in on net with no real chance of going in, stuff like that. Somehow, Guy Fieri got a gas mask and allowed him to cover the action. While everyone was standing there, he passed out chicken wings with Donkey Sauce, which led to a mess of wing bones on the ice. Finally, Derek Petti of Merrimack pushed his way through the fumes and scored on John Lethemon. The period would end with Merrimack on top, 1-0.

Period 2: MORE CHICKEN WINGS! And more bones on the ice. There was more standing around, more hacking and wheezing. Guy Fieri was talking about Taro Hirose, who clearly was not there, and how he would have taken Michigan State to Flavortown. Dennis Cesana of Michigan State threaded a pass to Cody Milan, and somehow, through all the wing bones, a shot made its way past Craig Pantano's shoulder. Game was tied! Would someone get these chicken bones off the ice? Oh wait, we can't afford that! At the end of 2, we're still tied at 1.

Period 3: Chase Gresock, stuffed on chicken wings, threw up on the ice. No one to clean it up, so now we have bodily fluids on the ice, chicken wings on the ice, and the smell of CO in the air. Gresock continued playing, as 5 Merrimack players had succumbed to CO poisoning already. With players on both sides retreating to the bench because of the fumes, Gresock decided to end it with 30 seconds left by scoring once more. Game would end 2-1 Merrimack, with Michigan State advancing to the Chumpionship.
 
MissThundercat said:
My pigeon finally came back.

Merrimack vs. Michigan State

Period 1: Taro Hirose had already left, leaving Michigan State without a scorer. With no leading scorer, Michigan State was left to goon it up. With participants having trouble breathing due to CO fumes, there was a bunch of standing around hacking and wheezing. There were some attempted passes that went nowhere, shots that trickled in on net with no real chance of going in, stuff like that. Somehow, Guy Fieri got a gas mask and allowed him to cover the action. While everyone was standing there, he passed out chicken wings with Donkey Sauce, which led to a mess of wing bones on the ice. Finally, Derek Petti of Merrimack pushed his way through the fumes and scored on John Lethemon. The period would end with Merrimack on top, 1-0.

Period 2: MORE CHICKEN WINGS! And more bones on the ice. There was more standing around, more hacking and wheezing. Guy Fieri was talking about Taro Hirose, who clearly was not there, and how he would have taken Michigan State to Flavortown. Dennis Cesana of Michigan State threaded a pass to Cody Milan, and somehow, through all the wing bones, a shot made its way past Craig Pantano's shoulder. Game was tied! Would someone get these chicken bones off the ice? Oh wait, we can't afford that! At the end of 2, we're still tied at 1.

Period 3: Chase Gresock, stuffed on chicken wings, threw up on the ice. No one to clean it up, so now we have bodily fluids on the ice, chicken wings on the ice, and the smell of CO in the air. Gresock continued playing, as 5 Merrimack players had succumbed to CO poisoning already. With players on both sides retreating to the bench because of the fumes, Gresock decided to end it with 30 seconds left by scoring once more. Game would end 2-1 Merrimack, with Michigan State advancing to the Chumpionship.
Click to expand...

I thought that CO was an odorless gas? :-)
 
Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

Pigeon is back for The Peter Griffins vs. The BADgers

Period 1: Guy is STILL handing out chicken wings coated with Donkey Sauce. Tony Granato has already eaten 50 of them and vomited onto the ice. Couldn't breathe while vomiting! HA! Back to the action, Tyler Inamato punched out Matt Hoover, and the refs called nothing. Sean Dhooghe took the puck, choking the entire time and yet managing to poke one past Blake Weyrick. Loser goes on to play Michigan State, did we mention that? Boy, these teams are terrible, but you knew that. Where was I? Do you care? I don't think so, but we're on. Dylan McLaughlin took some chicken wings and started eating in front of Lebedeff, which caused enough of a distraction for Matt Hoover to score. Period ends tied at 1.

Period 2: Jimmy Mazza wanted to bowl over Lebedeff, but Seamus Malone challenged him to a fight. Mazza declined, and ran Lebedeff... which led to Nick Hutchison scoring. 2-1 Canisius. Malone crosschecked Mazza anyway. Mazza took his skate off and tried to stab Malone, but he had to be restrained. Nothing else happened in the second, so 2-1 Griffins.

Period 3: Fumes are bad. Good job Fade adding sulfur to CO! The teams skated around, bad passes going nowhere, etc. Finally, Austin Alger would ice it with a floater that went over Lebedeff's fallen body. Wisconsin would cut it to one with a minute to play, but nothing else happened.

We have an all Big 7 Chumpionship between Wisconsin and Michigan State. The Commish has class tomorrow and 13,000 assignments due at all times... get the commish a massive coffee, and she might, MIGHT have the title(?) game up tomorrow.
 
Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

The Last Pigeon Came Back, FINALLY!

Fartans vs. BADgers

Period 1: Lewandowski of Michigan State, full of chicken wings, hurls at center ice. No one is there to clean it up. Guy Fieri is walking the benches, handing out more wings. How does he know? K'Andre Miller takes the puck, barely breathing, and passes it to Dhooghe? Doogie Howser, M.D.? Doogie passes it to no one, because he fell on the ice from the sulfur and CO smell. Sam Saliba collects the puck and skates at Lebedeff, who's already drunk. Saliba simply pokes it through the Wisconsin goalie's legs for a 1-0 Fartan lead. Wisconsin would attempt to tie it up with a Seamus Malone slap shot, but it ricocheted around and died at Lethemon's feet. Lethemon would sweep it aside, and the period would end 1-0 Michigan State.

Period 2: The pigeon is unclear here, but apparently Doogie would tie it up after he threw it over Lethemon's shoulder. Our refs are local drunks. Woohoo. Head ref James Kalinda breaks out the Fireball and passes it to Granato, who takes a swig. Then two swigs. Hey, I'd be drinking too if I were here. Cody Milan would give the Fartans a lead again when he pulls a Sean Avery (the commish was a fan of his) and pesters Lebedeff enough... 2-1 Spartans. A bunch of nothing would happen the rest of the second period.

Period 3: The bunch of nothing would continue. Both coaches, Granato and Cole, both got into a fight. Seamus Malone would challenge the entire Spartan bench along with Tyler Inomato. No one responded. While both teams were staring at each other, Zach Osburn would simply skate up to Lebedeff, poke the puck in, and that's how the game would end. 3-1 Spartans.

Wisconsin is your 2018-19 Futile Four winner. An apt winner indeed.

After the game, the Skating Club in Wilmington would catch fire, and the fire department took its time getting there. Everyone got out, but if we were considering that rink as a repeat host, it is no more. For all I know, the blaze is still burning.
 
MissThundercat said:
The Last Pigeon Came Back, FINALLY!

Fartans vs. BADgers

Period 1: Lewandowski of Michigan State, full of chicken wings, hurls at center ice. No one is there to clean it up. Guy Fieri is walking the benches, handing out more wings. How does he know? K'Andre Miller takes the puck, barely breathing, and passes it to Dhooghe? Doogie Howser, M.D.? Doogie passes it to no one, because he fell on the ice from the sulfur and CO smell. Sam Saliba collects the puck and skates at Lebedeff, who's already drunk. Saliba simply pokes it through the Wisconsin goalie's legs for a 1-0 Fartan lead. Wisconsin would attempt to tie it up with a Seamus Malone slap shot, but it ricocheted around and died at Lethemon's feet. Lethemon would sweep it aside, and the period would end 1-0 Michigan State.

Period 2: The pigeon is unclear here, but apparently Doogie would tie it up after he threw it over Lethemon's shoulder. Our refs are local drunks. Woohoo. Head ref James Kalinda breaks out the Fireball and passes it to Granato, who takes a swig. Then two swigs. Hey, I'd be drinking too if I were here. Cody Milan would give the Fartans a lead again when he pulls a Sean Avery (the commish was a fan of his) and pesters Lebedeff enough... 2-1 Spartans. A bunch of nothing would happen the rest of the second period.

Period 3: The bunch of nothing would continue. Both coaches, Granato and Cole, both got into a fight. Seamus Malone would challenge the entire Spartan bench along with Tyler Inomato. No one responded. While both teams were staring at each other, Zach Osburn would simply skate up to Lebedeff, poke the puck in, and that's how the game would end. 3-1 Spartans.

Wisconsin is your 2018-19 Futile Four winner. An apt winner indeed.

After the game, the Skating Club in Wilmington would catch fire, and the fire department took its time getting there. Everyone got out, but if we were considering that rink as a repeat host, it is no more. For all I know, the blaze is still burning.
Click to expand...

Safer to stick to summit parking lots with the "worst weather in the World"? Just do not call Marty the Car "late for dinner."
 
Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

Snively65 said:
Safer to stick to summit parking lots with the "worst weather in the World"? Just do not call Marty the Car "late for dinner."
Click to expand...

I might already award Mt. Washington the East regional in perpetuity.

And my apologies for getting these results back so late. I'm in grad school, and so, my time is a little more occupied. What I may do next year is have someone take each Regional and I will write the Futile Four, or something.

I have another class in 18 minutes.
 
MissThundercat said:
I might already award Mt. Washington the East regional in perpetuity.

And my apologies for getting these results back so late. I'm in grad school, and so, my time is a little more occupied. What I may do next year is have someone take each Regional and I will write the Futile Four, or something.

I have another class in 18 minutes.
Click to expand...

As Marty says, "being late for class is not the same as being late for dinner." :-)
 
Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

When writing, I was told to be honest about what I'd like to see. Here's a MARS I'd love to see one day:

1. Michigan
2. North Dakota
3. Boston College
4. BU
5. Notre Dame
6. Minnesota
7. St. Cloud
8. Denver
9. Penn State
10. Ohio State
11. Michigan Tech
 
Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

Next year, I do plan on hosting, even while in grad school and having an internship to attend to on top of a full time job.

I appreciated Fade and John J. MacInnes taking on a regional apiece, cutting my workload in half that weekend. For next year, I would totally appreciate it if they took the Futile Four too and I would write the championship or something.

We are getting negative reviews from players on Mt. Washington, so Marty is in play for next year. Got negative reviews on Odessa, and for what we did in Cloudcroft, everyone hated that site, which means we loved it.

And part of my Too Early top 5:

1. UAA
2. Ferris State
3. Merrimack
4. RPI
 
Re: Bottom Feeders 2018-19: Just So You Know, They Really Suck

bump.

Jesus, this thread was hilarious! Ten times funnier than modern comedy films! Hope the new 19-20 thread is just as entertaining! :)
 
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