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A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

SonofSouthie said:
I was in a pub last night, and drank a few.

I noticed two large women by the bar.

They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them chirped, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"

So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Ireland ?"

That's the last thing I remember...
Click to expand...

A blind man is sitting in a bar sipping his drink, and the conversation turns to jokes...

He says, "hmm... I know a good one about a blonde...."

"Hey, wait a minute!" says the bartender. "I'm blonde, and I'm serving you, so you better be careful. and the woman next to you, she works at Department of Corrections, and she's blonde too. and the woman behind you, she's also a blonde, and a bodybuilder as well. And standing next to her is an MMA fighter, and she's a blonde. Are you sure you want to tell that joke?"

He replies, "well, no, not if I'm going to have to explain it four times....."
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

FreshFish said:
A blind man is sitting in a bar sipping his drink, and the conversation turns to jokes...

He says, "hmm... I know a good one about a blonde...."

"Hey, wait a minute!" says the bartender. "I'm blonde, and I'm serving you, so you better be careful. and the woman next to you, she works at Department of Corrections, and she's blonde too. and the woman behind you, she's also a blonde, and a bodybuilder as well. And standing next to her is an MMA fighter, and she's a blonde. Are you sure you want to tell that joke?"

He replies, "well, no, not if I'm going to have to explain it four times....."
Click to expand...
:)
 
A storm is raging and a ship is starting to sink.

Captain summons his crew and asks "does anyone know how to pray?"

Young sailor steps up and says "I know how to pray."

Captain says "good, you pray. The rest of us will put on our life jackets.'
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

A man at a bar notices an attractive woman sitting by herself at a table, so he approaches her, and says hi. They chit-chat for a bit, then she says very loudly, "You cad! No I will not go home with you tonight!" Embarrassed, he slinks back to the bar.

A bit later, she approaches the man, and apologizes. She explains she's a local co-ed, and was doing a social experiment to see what reactions she gets when presented with an embarrassing situation. The man then loudly says, "$200?! You ain't that good-looking, honey!" and walks out.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Kepler said:
I know, but it's still a different thing. Michigan belongs with USC and Duke in the tirad of overrated alum puffery.

The worst thing about Yale and Harvard pomposity is that it is, to some extent, deserved.
Click to expand...
What do a Marine, a Michigan alum and a Texan all have in common? Within 5 minutes of meeting any of them you'll know they were in the Marine Corp, or graduated from Michigan, or hail form Texas.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

WeAreNDHockey said:
What do a Marine, a Michigan alum and a Texan all have in common? Within 5 minutes of meeting any of them you'll know they were in the Marine Corp, or graduated from Michigan, or hail form Texas.
Click to expand...

3 people walk into a bar. One's a vegan, one's a marathoner, and one does Pilates. Who talks first?
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi all walk into a bar. The bartender sees the three of them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

So, there is a public figure that the media despises. He is on a yacht having a conversation with a world leader. the world leader's treasured, favorite hat blows off his head. He is going to order the crew to lower a rowboat to retrieve it. The public figure says, "no, wait, I'll get it" and he walks across the waves, picks up the hat, and walks back across the waves to the yacht.

The next day, the media trumpets the story, "public figure cannot swim!"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Obama and Bill Clinton are having a conversation.

Obama: People are worried that Hillary is losing her focus. How's her head currently?
Bill: Well, she's no Monica.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

If you look into a mirror and say "pumpkin spice latte" three times, a suburban white girl in yoga pants will appear and tell you everything she loves about fall.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

So the Sunday School teacher asks her young students, "what part of the body is closest to heaven?"

-- our heads, because we use our thoughts to pray
-- our hands, because we fold them together to ask for help as we pray
-- our hearts, because we love God

... -- our feet

"Our feet? how so?"

-- well, I heard funny noises from mom and dad's bedroom, and so I looked in to see what was going on. Mommy was lying on her back with her feet in the air, and Daddy's head was between her legs, and I heard Mommy say, 'Oh, God, I'm coming!' and so it must be her feet that are closest to heaven, right?"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Q: How many climate denialists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Light comes from the Sun. Duh.

A: We should wait until it gets dark to see whether the bulb is really broken.

A: The Great Light Bulb Swindle is a scam by Big Light Bulb to sell more light bulbs.

A: The Darkenists don’t even understand basic science. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed, therefore darkness is impossible.

A: It’s OK – it has been much darker than this in the past. During the Medieval Dark Ages, there were Vikings in Greenland!

A: If the light bulb needed changing, the market would have changed it by now.

A: Darkness is beneficial — it will increase mushroom yields and make life better for owls.

A: There is a natural 24-hour cycle of light and dark which humans have a negligible impact on. Anyway, we are just about to enter a natural darkening period.

A: Genesis 1:3 tells us “Let there be light”. The power of prayer will fix the light bulb.

Taken from this wonderful blog.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

I was told "dress for the job you want, not the job you have."

So now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.
 
I will not judge you based on your sexuality, religion, or race.

Things I will judge you for:

1. Not using your turn signal while driving.
2. How you treat wait staff.
3. Which way you place the toilet paper roll.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

A hunter in the woods comes across a beautiful woman with no clothes on. "Are you game" he asks. "Sure" she replies. So he shot her.
 
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