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A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

rufus said:
Pirate walks into a bar, has a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
Bartender says, "Hey buddy, you know you got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
Pirate says, "Aye, 'tis drivin' me nuts!!"
Click to expand...
What's a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it'd be R but it's really the C!

What's a pirate's favorite part about knitting?

The yarrrrrrrrrrrrn!
;)
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Alright, I'll sanitize this so I don't get banned.

Man walks along the street, comes upon a shop selling fruit. Shopkeeper says, "here, try this apple for a buck, it tastes like a banana".
Man says, "hmm, ok, I'll try it ", takes a big bite, and sure enough, tastes like a banana. Shopkeeper says, "turn it around"
Man does, takes another bite, and says, "wow, this tastes like a pear"

Shopkeeper moves closer, whispers in his ear. "Tell you what, you come out back, and for $5, I've got an apple that tastes like vagina"
Man gives him the five bucks, follows him into the back. Shopkeeper hands him an apple, guy takes a big bite and immediately spits it out.
"This tastes like chit!!!"
"Turn it around"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

TROMBONES!
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Brenthoven said:
An Irishman walks into a bar.

The end.
Click to expand...

An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Truly ... I saw it on the news recently.

A scruffy, semi-shredded rope walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "sorry, we don't allow ropes in here."
To which rope responds, "Rope!?! I'm a frayed knot!"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

A man walks into a bar says, "ouch".
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Brenthoven said:
A blind man picked up a hammer and saw....
Click to expand...
"I see," said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

If you're gonna tell jokes older than me, at least you could get it right!

Jimjamesak said:
Which school is the one that's "5, one to hold the lightbulb and four to drink until the room starts to spin"? I use that one for UAF.
Click to expand...
I always heard that as Irishmen. The country, not the school
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

An Italian, an Irishman, and a Russian walked up to the Bar.

It was an equal opportunity mob law firm.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

what do you call a lawyer who cant pass the bar?

an Irishman.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Do you know why the Little Mermaid wears seashells?
Because a-shells and b-shells were too small. ;)
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

About ten years ago today, I was riding on the commuter train and the conductor came on the speakers to make an announcement:

"Attention, attention all passengers, attention!

We are approaching the New York state line. The state legislature passed a bill, effective April First, that requires us to collect a $1 fee from every passenger entering New York State. Please get your cash ready and we will be around to collect it momentarily."


My first thought was, "hey, wait a minute, they can't to that, it's unconstitutio--- oh, wait, he said 'effective April First, good one!" I was then surprised to see how many people were reaching for their wallets and purses.


Still probably the best one I've seen in person.



Happy April Fools' Day, y'all! :)
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

FreshFish said:
About ten years ago today, I was riding on the commuter train and the conductor came on the speakers to make an announcement:

"Attention, attention all passengers, attention!

We are approaching the New York state line. The state legislature passed a bill, effective April First, that requires us to collect a $1 fee from every passenger entering New York State. Please get your cash ready and we will be around to collect it momentarily."


My first thought was, "hey, wait a minute, they can't to that, it's unconstitutio--- oh, wait, he said 'effective April First, good one!" I was then surprised to see how many people were reaching for their wallets and purses.


Still probably the best one I've seen in person.



Happy April Fools' Day, y'all! :)
Click to expand...

I digress, but I like the occasional sense of humor of aviators and train conductors. A friend said she was on a flight east, and somewhere over Pennsylvania, after the captain had finished an announcement came the ear-splitting cry of a passenger's baby. Captain got back on the intercom and asked, "hey was that Sydney Crosby?"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

How many ska musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

4. One to drop it and 3 to pickitup pickitup pickitup.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

An atheist, a homosexual, and vegan walk into a bar. They mentioned this within two minutes of arriving.
 
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