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Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

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St. Clown said:
Socks don’t count.
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Opinions vary.

b1528c3f7e477b5f8ff10308e459e517.jpg
 
Random gear grinder for this thread:

Swipe apps obviously have initial decisions that are made based on the presented profile. So I'm just kind of annoyed with women who will match, but then never respond to an initial message. I just can't figure it out. Like obviously something caught your eye initially, so why the quick 180*?

It's just something that is fresh because I was recently ghosted by a woman who presented herself in a way that seemed to check all of the initial boxes for me (good looking, lots of common ground with shared interests and seemingly similar personalities).

With Bumble, the woman has to send the initial message within 24 hours of matching. So I don't get it, especially when they initiate the match (meaning I had previously liked their profile and their swipe triggered the match).

On other apps, I try and send the first message relatively soon (within a few hours if possible). My initial message is a quick greeting followed by an ice breaker (either an open-ended question about something in their profile like what their favorite Marvel movie is if they have that as an interest, or just a generic question like where would you go if you were handed tickets for an all-expense paid long weekend and what would you do over the weekend kind of thing). I don't think there is much creep factor there as it's initiated several conversations that went somewhere and gotten a solid amount of praise for their uniqueness. Also lots praise for taking enough time to come up with something more than 2-3 words.

IDK... Just pissed that I kind of had an initial crush that went DOA right away, lol...
 
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Kepler said:
"Well, here's your problem, right here."
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They're out there dammit, lol... The algorithm has me figured for geeky women or outdoorsy women. So that is something I see a lot of actually.

To clarify this case, the woman who initiated the post had A) initiated the match and B.) actually had several photos of her at several different national parks and mentioned loving to travel/explore them, so I just asked her what park had been her most memorable visit.

Again, having done some reading on how to break the ice with these apps, there doesn't seem to be much else I can do other than being Ryan Gosling's look alike...
 
Similar to the "look at me and my awesomeness" facade of social media, a lot of people only use dating apps for amusement or validation that others find them attractive. They have no intention of actually meeting you or anyone else outside the app. For obvious reasons such apps tend to predominantly attract introverts and damaged people, which exacerbates the ghosting.
 
It’s hard because there are some people who have found their partner through an app. But there are also ones like my friend who was ghosted by a guy from an app after 8 months of dating.

personally I avoid them as I’m too old to be of use to anyone- women over 35 and gasp over 40 don’t exist. So even as a childless woman who makes well into six figures, I’m not desirable because I can’t pump kids out and I’m not ready to date 60 year olds
 
FadeToBlack&Gold said:
Similar to the "look at me and my awesomeness" facade of social media, a lot of people only use dating apps for amusement or validation that others find them attractive. They have no intention of actually meeting you or anyone else outside the app. For obvious reasons such apps tend to predominantly attract introverts and damaged people, which exacerbates the ghosting.
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I guess I can see that. But it's quite ironic since roughly every other woman's profile has some variation on "I'm not here to play games" in it. I'd put money that it was present on some of the accounts that ghosted me for today's serving of irony.

Navigating this part of the social world has been quite an eye opening one when it comes to how we socialize and carry ourselves in public. So many walking contradictions out there. It's another case where stereotypes are proven to be justified on both sides of the dating coin.

I do sort of see the point on your last statement however. It sounds cruel to say this, but yea, apps definitely connect you to people that you likely would avoid in a live action situation due to their anti-social behaviors.

Deutsche Gopher Fan said:
It’s hard because there are some people who have found their partner through an app. But there are also ones like my friend who was ghosted by a guy from an app after 8 months of dating.

personally I avoid them as I’m too old to be of use to anyone- women over 35 and gasp over 40 don’t exist. So even as a childless woman who makes well into six figures, I’m not desirable because I can’t pump kids out and I’m not ready to date 60 year olds
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I don't think it's fair to hold the person your friend had to deal with against the apps. Obviously the person that just up and ghosted after spending 8 months with someone goes above and beyond. That's not normal or healthy in any form.

You're statements also seem to reinforce the idea that things are bleak for the 35-45 demo, ha ha ha. (For the record, I'm 39 and looking at exact that, lol)

Again, it comes down to the irony of women (as a whole, not you in particular) claiming that there are no more "Nice Guys" out there while staring at several right under their noses and choosing other options. Not that this is a new dating trope. It's been highlighted on sit-coms for their entire existence. It's just funny seeing it in action in real time.
 
RaceBoarder said:
I guess I can see that. But it's quite ironic since roughly every other woman's profile has some variation on "I'm not here to play games" in it. I'd put money that it was present on some of the accounts that ghosted me for today's serving of irony.

Navigating this part of the social world has been quite an eye opening one when it comes to how we socialize and carry ourselves in public. So many walking contradictions out there. It's another case where stereotypes are proven to be justified on both sides of the dating coin.

I do sort of see the point on your last statement however. It sounds cruel to say this, but yea, apps definitely connect you to people that you likely would avoid in a live action situation due to their anti-social behaviors.



I don't think it's fair to hold the person your friend had to deal with against the apps. Obviously the person that just up and ghosted after spending 8 months with someone goes above and beyond. That's not normal or healthy in any form.

You're statements also seem to reinforce the idea that things are bleak for the 35-45 demo, ha ha ha. (For the record, I'm 39 and looking at exact that, lol)

Again, it comes down to the irony of women (as a whole, not you in particular) claiming that there are no more "Nice Guys" out there while staring at several right under their noses and choosing other options. Not that this is a new dating trope. It's been highlighted on sit-coms for their entire existence. It's just funny seeing it in action in real time.
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I mean we could go back and forth all day on this. Women don’t want nice guys! Well men don’t seem to want anyone over the age of 25 or who isn’t model like. Both sides have stereotypes than can be true

I don’t hold my friends experience as the reason why I avoid them. I avoid them because the last time I tried them - as a 35 year old woman- men around my age rejected me and many flat out said it was due to my age and they wanted someone ten years younger.

wasn’t exactly a nice experience, and for every complaint you have about women, l be able to share one for your side too. I don’t think one sex has it worse
 
Different social conventions can make it worse for one gender, though, and I think it is inarguable that over almost the entire history of almost every existing social order, women have had it MUCH worse. Women have had to accommodate the idiocies of men far more than the converse.

This is not to argue men are more idiotic than women -- all God's children are equally, spectacularly asinine. But men have had far more leeway to indulge their stupidity.

I can't speak to what social media is doing to dating, but I think ironically access to more potential partners limits people's experiences, not broadens them. If you crash on a desert island, and there are five potential partners for you, welp, you try them all eventually, regardless of your prior prejudices. So you sleep with the fat ugly girl and maybe discover she's really nice, or really smart, or really fun during sex, and you like that, and you wind up with her happily ever after.

Meanwhile, your twin brother, who missed the flight, is still back on Tinder cutting a swath through a million identical blonde boobs on sticks, and though he has 20,000 times your number of potential partners they are all tightly grouped around the mean of his initial filtering. He never gets outside his comfort zone, which is most likely socially-dictated and not even "his" anyway. So his experiences are less rich and he is less likely to discover what he, personally, really likes.

This may be analogous with ideas, art, music, politics. The Deluge of availability simply drowns you in oceans of sameness. You never reach the end of your rut and are forced to try something new, because your rut is infinite.
 
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Oh women have had it much worse but if I say that then tons of crying will ensue here.

looks fade so I wish both sexes could focus on other factors

I do agree with Kepler’s point. I think the apps just present limitless choice and people don’t get outside their comfort zone.
 
Deutsche Gopher Fan said:
looks fade so I wish both sexes could focus on other factors
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Just as aging destroys looks it also destroys lookism.

YDFCs will always be what they are. 10 million years of evolution is going to drown out any given social hemlines. But as people age they also start caring about other things. I mean, conservative men don't because they are frozen into a perpetual jock childishness, but everybody else evolves.

The dating lesson when you are 15-35 is don't be ugly.

The dating lesson when you are 35-55 is don't be an as-shole.

Above 55 I guess it's don't be poor.
 
I always thought first dates were a great opportunity to acquire a new story to tell close friends or family members. I went on a lot of dates, set up for me by others, when I was pretty sure the other person wasn't someone that I'd be interested in, but I always went because of the chance that I'd get a great story out of it. I can't think of a single date that I declined, or one where I later regretted going, including the one where about two hours in I was convinced that I was alone with a serial killer, that I'd be dead within the hour, and people would be searching for my body parts for years to come.
 
Deutsche Gopher Fan said:
I mean we could go back and forth all day on this. Women don’t want nice guys! Well men don’t seem to want anyone over the age of 25 or who isn’t model like. Both sides have stereotypes than can be true

I don’t hold my friends experience as the reason why I avoid them. I avoid them because the last time I tried them - as a 35 year old woman- men around my age rejected me and many flat out said it was due to my age and they wanted someone ten years younger.

wasn’t exactly a nice experience, and for every complaint you have about women, l be able to share one for your side too. I don’t think one sex has it worse
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As a straight man that doesn’t add up to me. I have no doubt they said it to you but it probably was something else. Looks are much, much more important than anything else with personality coming in second. It’s hard for me to believe age was truly that much of a deal breaker.

It you do give it another shot just try to have fun with it and be open to significantly younger guys. You never know who might be out there you click with. I think some people define success in terms of meeting a life partner versus just meeting people they have fun with which holds them back to.
 
[9 SEPTEMBER 2012 T.V. FLASH ON ALL DIAL-A-PROGRAM SERVICES]
This is an announcement from Genetic Control:
"It is my sad duty to inform you of a four foot restriction on
Humanoid height."

[EXTRACT FROM CONVERSATION OF JOE ORDINARY IN LOCAL PUBORAMA]
"I hear the directors of Genetic Control have been buying all the
Properties that have recently been sold, taking risks oh so bold
It's said now that people will be shorter in height
They can fit twice as many in the same building site
(they say it's alright)
Beginning with the tenants of the town of Harlow
In the interest of humanity, they've been told they must go
Told they must go-go-go-go."
 
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