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Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

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Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Is he paying you to be Molly Maid? (even if he is he wouldn'tdisrespect them like that) Sounds like a teenager with a bad attitude. He is a grown up. Take his hand, lead him to the washing machine, hand him the detergent and tell him to grow up! Take all his trash, put it in a bag and leave it in his room. He must be saving it for someting but it didn't need to be in the common area. This is why I could never live with my Mum. I love her dearly but she is a walking maelstrom.
He's not paying me anything, really. I think the only thing that will work with him is to let things go and stop enabling him. He thinks if he ignores it long enough, I'll get frustrated and do it myself... no more. I'll make sure I have enough clean dishes to dine from; he can eat using the dishes he refuses to wash.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

He's not paying me anything, really. I think the only thing that will work with him is to let things go and stop enabling him. He thinks if he ignores it long enough, I'll get frustrated and do it myself... no more. I'll make sure I have enough clean dishes to dine from; he can eat using the dishes he refuses to wash.

He'll use your clean dishes. It's gonna suck, but you have to have a talk. That's all there is to it.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Nope- you keep your clean dishes in your room. Or you do what my Mum did (ironic because she is absolutely embarrassing now about cleaning) put em in a tub on his bed. Or if that is too drastic you just put them to the side neatly stacked.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

By telling him I've had enough and by refusing to enable him, he's actually gotten up and started helping more. That being said, I've noticed he wants a medal for doing things he's supposed to do.

And I've looked at the house, and have realized that I can't attend classes and worry about cleaning at the same time. With that in mind, I'm taking the quarter off, getting the house up to an acceptable standard, and then re-enrolling for Spring 2011.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Noooooooooo!!! If you wait for everything to be right before doing anything you will never do a thing. A counselor once told me a great piece of wisdom- when people are feeling like they have too many insurmountable things they think setting their surroundings to rights will settle things. It is just another way of avoiding the yucky stuff. Loretta Laroche has a great line or many for this. (joy of stress- on PBS) If you wait for the house to be up to snuff with someone (namely your Dad) who will benefit greatly by your staying home from school to do all these things you can pack it in. Go to school!! the house is only a place. What is the worst possible thing that can happen if it is messy? Unless they are going to condemn it you shouldn't stop what will get you to your goal for a stupid mess.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

les is right, if you want to leave school for other reasons that is one thing but you cannot let what is going on at your house be the impetus for you leaving. Trust me on this. You wont go back in the spring, the house wont improve and then the house becomes an easy excuse for anything else you want to put off. I have seen this stuff quite a bit (and have personal experience with it) and you wont even notice until it is too late.

Stay in school, screw the house and your fathers midlife crisis. Dont take the easy way out.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Noooooooooo!!! If you wait for everything to be right before doing anything you will never do a thing. A counselor once told me a great piece of wisdom- when people are feeling like they have too many insurmountable things they think setting their surroundings to rights will settle things. It is just another way of avoiding the yucky stuff. Loretta Laroche has a great line or many for this. (joy of stress- on PBS) If you wait for the house to be up to snuff with someone (namely your Dad) who will benefit greatly by your staying home from school to do all these things you can pack it in. Go to school!! the house is only a place. What is the worst possible thing that can happen if it is messy? Unless they are going to condemn it you shouldn't stop what will get you to your goal for a stupid mess.

From another angle, there's a whole slew of economic thought that backs up what les just said here. In economic terms, you're creating a moral hazard. Simply put, you're rewarding bad behavior. He's a slob, so you take time to clean his mess. He then becomes a bigger slob, and you're spending more time cleaning his bigger mess.

People could also take a free-rider approach to your situation. While your activity will directly benefit you, it also benefits him. If you're bearing all the cost of actions taken thus far by both entities, what enticement does he have to change his behavior? You have to create a situation where you can get him, in essence, pay for his actions. It won't be through money, but time holds a value to it. If he's unwilling to put in the time, then you have to be willing to forego certain benefits of a clean house until he realizes that he must put in effort.

There are other options, too. You could explain to him that you've actually considered quitting school because he clearly needs a maid. But that's not your job. Help out for your share, but it's not your job to be the sole caretaker of the home. If the situation worked between your parents that's one thing, but you're not his spouse. Of course, this could all get tricky if he starts to demand rent, so have a plan in place, alternative solutions considered. From my experience, parents don't generally like it when their children are in a position to tell them what's what. People don't like role reversals very much, no matter how much "fun" the media have tried to make it look on TV.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

people who e-nun-ci-ate every syl-la-ble as if they are talk-ing to id-iots grind my gears.

actually, I've gotten up at 5 am every day this week, so pretty much everything at work grinds my gears right now. which is my choice, but nonetheless. grrrrrr.
 
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Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

I hate expensive metal pens that look and feel real good but write like ****.

otYyvKIU09SpYsRQgVqDgSYXZ4x0kIEE7hFZ9UGDFBaAdQNL_fAbE0Z5CpM1YsYZreF_BPDZx-C5pUisN1sp0JyNgopHrNKfvkThyGSrlUQWYrBFpIHgQXl_OfOvBS2uGObuOAuLdw_ijpXhOsXz4KCeHsZsvtf0AA


You'll never use a different pen.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Network news simplistic coverage about Politics is grinding my gears. Journalism is dead. (OK, the funeral for it was awhile ago but sometimes I forget) Not a commentary on the politics of it so much as inaccurate and all or nothing reporting. 2 yrs ago one side has a mandate. Now the other side does. Hello...neither one has a real majority in the whole country. So why do we have half the news and a lot of the news magazine things covering the changes that will happen and how the entire country wants X. If the 'whole country' felt the same way why do we have elections? Has anyone actually figured out the % of reps who are tea partiers compared to the rest of the more 'traditional' Reps? Kind of like saying you are renovating the entire subdivision when someone is redoing their bathroom. Almost worse than when we get the other half of the news covering Lohan being out of rehab while there are people dying in Afghanistan.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Network news simplistic coverage about Politics is grinding my gears. Journalism is dead. (OK, the funeral for it was awhile ago but sometimes I forget) Not a commentary on the politics of it so much as inaccurate and all or nothing reporting. 2 yrs ago one side has a mandate. Now the other side does. Hello...neither one has a real majority in the whole country. So why do we have half the news and a lot of the news magazine things covering the changes that will happen and how the entire country wants X. If the 'whole country' felt the same way why do we have elections? Has anyone actually figured out the % of reps who are tea partiers compared to the rest of the more 'traditional' Reps? Kind of like saying you are renovating the entire subdivision when someone is redoing their bathroom. Almost worse than when we get the other half of the news covering Lohan being out of rehab while there are people dying in Afghanistan.

I'm slowly removing myself from politics. Or at least paying attention day by day. There was a report on NPR this morning illustrating why- all sound bytes are 9 seconds in lenght, and there is no discussion. Sadly, this has permiated all houses of congress in the US, and the best we can hope for is nothing, as negative is the other option. Or at least that's what they want to tell us.

Having lived through enough cycles, and not having kids, I'm to the point where I just want to make sure I have a fun life with my wife.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

people without their own ideas who pick your brain and then send it up the ladder (this morning they copied me on the email - which raises it to a new level) The only response is to ignore it lest you like like a whiner
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

people without their own ideas who pick your brain and then send it up the ladder (this morning they copied me on the email - which raises it to a new level) The only response is to ignore it lest you like like a whiner

been there. I hate that. "we thought it would be good to....." oh, really? we? I guess your contribution was sitting there while I came up with the idea. because of this, I tend to overuse "we" instead of I.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Network news simplistic coverage about Politics is grinding my gears. Journalism is dead. (OK, the funeral for it was awhile ago but sometimes I forget) Not a commentary on the politics of it so much as inaccurate and all or nothing reporting. 2 yrs ago one side has a mandate. Now the other side does. Hello...neither one has a real majority in the whole country. So why do we have half the news and a lot of the news magazine things covering the changes that will happen and how the entire country wants X. If the 'whole country' felt the same way why do we have elections? Has anyone actually figured out the % of reps who are tea partiers compared to the rest of the more 'traditional' Reps? Kind of like saying you are renovating the entire subdivision when someone is redoing their bathroom. Almost worse than when we get the other half of the news covering Lohan being out of rehab while there are people dying in Afghanistan.

You're basically right (just for the sake of discussion I'm overlooking your Tea Party paranoia). Ironically, with more options than ever before, we've got to work harder than ever to find the middle ground (assuming we're actually looking for it). We are up to our lips in faux "balance," on the networks. Say the issue is Chinese political repression in Tibet. The nets will give us the Dali Llama and some guy named Huang Loo, who's a bus boy at a Georgetown all you can eat buffet. "We had balance, we had people on both sides of the issue," they'll scream. And just as they have since the advent of television, the networks will provide us a daily condensed version of the front page of the New York Times, including all of the "newsatorials."

The tabloidization of network news is nearly total. Again, the Times showed the way. Remember the rape trial of Willie Smith? Florida permits live coverage of trials. But to protect the identity of the victim, she was shown with a blue dot covering her face, and the Times went along. However, when the National Enquirer outed her, the times dutifully reported that fact, along with her name. So much for America's paper of record having higher standards than the tabs. The networks have fallen into line behind the Times. And cable is no better in that regard.

Local TV news is a vulgar disaster area and should be avoided by anyone with a room temperature or better IQ.

There is an awful lot of pontificating about how we should "work across the aisle," to get things done. Most of the people who suggest this are fourflushers and are just throwing red meat to the rubes. They're saying what they think we want to hear, with no intention of actually doing it.

There was a time when you'd occasionally see cooperation: When LBJ needed help getting the civil rights bill of '64 past the southern democrats, he got together with republican leader Ev Dirksen, and those two old lions of the Senate worked out the deal that got the bill passed. I don't know if we would see such cooperation these days on anything less than going to war. And maybe not even then. In the runup to the first Gulf war, the entire democrat leadership in both houses voted "no." Only Sam Nunn and Les Aspin's "yes" votes gave enough democrats political cover to vote "yes" themselves. More's the pity.
 
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Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Re: politics:

There is no gray area anymore. It's either A or B. Period. Terrible. I was more involved in politics in junior high school than I am now. Why? Because the rationality erodes amongst the political parties a little more every year. I guess that's my gear-grinder. It's hard to have a civilized convo about politics, let alone make political decisions/choices.
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Restructuring the way that 11th grade American Government (or "Civics" for some of you public schoolers) courses are taught might help. I remember my class was segregated into "conservative" and "liberal" via a brief issues quiz administered on the very first day of class. The teacher would determine a mean cutoff, so that the moderate 50% wound up either as a Republican or a Democrat for the mock congress sessions. :rolleyes:
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Restructuring the way that 11th grade American Government (or "Civics" for some of you public schoolers) courses are taught might help. I remember my class was segregated into "conservative" and "liberal" via a brief issues quiz administered on the very first day of class. The teacher would determine a mean cutoff, so that the moderate 50% wound up either as a Republican or a Democrat for the mock congress sessions. :rolleyes:

You're joking right?
 
Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

I love my dad, but his actions of late grind my gears. Hasn't done dishes for three days in a row, can't walk around and pick up old newspapers, and tells me he doesn't have time, but seems to have plenty of it when it comes to the computer, spending time with my aunt, going to lunch with friends, etc. Also, he jerks me out of bed this morning, complaining of how he doesn't have any clean pants to wear to work. I've told him over and over again that if he doesn't put his pants in the dirty clothes, they won't be washed. How is he not getting this? If this keeps up, I'm done. I can't take care of him and myself at the same time.

Is he an amputee, a quadriplegic, or just lazy?
 
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