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A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

ShirtlessBob said:
joecct posted in the science thread about a toilet seat that tells you how much weight you lost after taking a dump. So what's the name for this toilet seat? The sh-tbit?
Click to expand...

The first name for the all encompassing toilet seat was rejected by the marketing department. Dry Your Rear was deemed unacceptable.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

"You can do it."- Coffee

Coffee doesn't ask me stupid questions in the morning. Try being more like coffee.

Come here, you beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we're going to get done today.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

ShirtlessBob said:
"You can do it."- Coffee

Coffee doesn't ask me stupid questions in the morning. Try being more like coffee.

Come here, you beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we're going to get done today.
Click to expand...

sounds like your employer dispenses performance-enhancing drugs to its employees too...

I saw a sign on a street vendor's cart: "Drink Coffee: do stupid stuff faster with more energy."
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

FreshFish said:
sounds like your employer dispenses performance-enhancing drugs to its employees too...

I saw a sign on a street vendor's cart: "Drink Coffee: do stupid stuff faster with more energy."
Click to expand...

I also saw this one: "Today: Brought to you by coffee."

That's true in my life...
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

UncleRay said:
How many Irishmen does it take [to change a lightbulb]?
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I heard it was six...one to change the bulb, five more to drink a toast in memory of the bulb that died.


How many union members does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...except it takes him three days, one to set up the ladder, one to remove the old bulb, and one to insert the new one. (we don't include taking down the ladder on day four, as the bulb was already changed by then)
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

FreshFish said:
I heard it was six...one to change the bulb, five more to drink a toast in memory of the bulb that died.


How many union members does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...except it takes him three days, one to set up the ladder, one to remove the old bulb, and one to insert the new one. (we don't include taking down the ladder on day four, as the bulb was already changed by then)
Click to expand...

Close. one to hold the bulb, the other five to drink until the room spins.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

UncleRay said:
Close. one to hold the bulb, the other five to drink until the room spins.
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In band geek jokes, the above is the joke about tuba players.


How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
One. She holds it up and the world revolves around her.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

wolverineTrumpet said:
In band geek jokes, the above is the joke about tuba players.


How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
One. She holds it up and the world revolves around her.
Click to expand...

Alternatively, five. One to screw it in, and four more to tell the first one how much better they would've done it.

What's the difference between a dead squirrel in the road, and a dead trombone player in the road?
The squirrel will have skid marks in front of it
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

FadeToBlack&Gold said:
What's the difference between a dead squirrel in the road, and a dead trombone player in the road?
The squirrel will have skid marks in front of it
Click to expand...

Change "squirrel" to "skunk" and "trombone player" to "lawyer" and you have a really old joke there.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

The Sicatoka said:
Change "squirrel" to "skunk" and "trombone player" to "lawyer" and you have a really old joke there.
Click to expand...

All these jokes are "Mad Libs" jokes. Another classic is the two guys at the urinals. One zips up and heads directly for the door. The second says, "At x they taught us to wash after using these facilities." To which the first responds, "At y they taught us not to pis-s on our hands."

I have heard the x,y for that joke as: (Harvard, Yale), (Yale, Harvard), (Harvard, Cornell), (Cornell, Colgate), (every Midwestern "U", that same Midwestern "State U"), and on and on.

I've heard every lightbulb joke in permutation except for one.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 
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Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Sorry, I missed the part of the thread title where it said the jokes had to be original. ;)
 
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