In terms of total “writhing time” (using the article’s terminology) we rank 5, one second behind Nigeria and 58 seconds ahead of Iran.
Here’s an interesting stat. On what I’ll call a “La Scala Scale” (my terminology now) of seconds per incident, Brazil ranks 31, with an average “writhing time” of 11.6 seconds, a few hundredths of a second ahead of Switzerland. I take this to mean that they're good at using injuries to "create little delays". France leads the La Scala Scale with 43.9 seconds, and the US is fourth (sorry pgb, not middle of the pack), between Russia and the Ivory Coast.
The long time for Dempsey explains the high ranking on the total time and the La Scala Scale, but doesn’t explain the high ranking on published list. If we disregard it entirely, we only move down one slot to 8.