the enema of my enema is my friend.
USCHO Fan Forum
This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!
-
The USCHO Fan Forum has migrated to a new plaform, xenForo. Most of the function of the forum should work in familiar ways. Please note that you can switch between light and dark modes by clicking on the gear icon in the upper right of the main menu bar. We are hoping that this new platform will prove to be faster and more reliable. Please feel free to explore its features.
Really Terrible Puns Vol 1
- Thread starter FreshFish
- Start date
- Status
the enema of my enema is my friend.
owslachief
occupe toi de tes oignons
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1
How can you tell a male chemist from a male biologist?
The former washes his hands before he uses the urinal.
An accountant and an actuary are having a conversation. How can you tell which is which?
The accountant is looking at the other person's shoes.
How can you tell a male chemist from a male biologist?
The former washes his hands before he uses the urinal.
An accountant and an actuary are having a conversation. How can you tell which is which?
The accountant is looking at the other person's shoes.
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1
Okay, so what follows isn't quite a pun, but it's close.
An elderly couple is in the doctor's office. Like many elderly couples back in that nostalgic time when you could keep your doctor if you liked him or her, after one was examined, the doctor spoke to both of them together.
He (or she..) asked them how they were getting along. S/he then mentioned that, as many people aged, they would notice that, from time to time, their short-term memory would become occasionally unreliable, which might lead to friction between them. S/he suggested that they write things down to reduce the chances of conflict over who had promised to do what by when. They both agreed it sounded like a sensible idea.
Later that afternoon, they are watching television together. The husband gets up to go to the kitchen.
"I'm going to make an ice cream sundae. Can I get you one too?"
-- Sure, she replies. I'd like vanilla ice cream....say, shouldn't you write this down, like the doctor recommended?
"I'll remember. Vanilla ice cream, check!"
-- okay, and whipped cream...are you sure you don't want to write this down?
"I'll remember. Vanilla ice cream with whipped cream, check!"
-- and chocolate sprinkles and a maraschino cherry on top! -- are you SURE you don't want to write this down?
"Vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles, and a maraschino cherry. Got it!"
and off he goes into the kitchen.
Several minutes later, he comes back carrying a tray with two plates. Each plate has scrambled eggs, sausage, and hash browns, and there are two mugs of coffee too.
The wife is annoyed: "I told you that you should write it down! you forgot the toast!"
Okay, so what follows isn't quite a pun, but it's close.
An elderly couple is in the doctor's office. Like many elderly couples back in that nostalgic time when you could keep your doctor if you liked him or her, after one was examined, the doctor spoke to both of them together.
He (or she..) asked them how they were getting along. S/he then mentioned that, as many people aged, they would notice that, from time to time, their short-term memory would become occasionally unreliable, which might lead to friction between them. S/he suggested that they write things down to reduce the chances of conflict over who had promised to do what by when. They both agreed it sounded like a sensible idea.
Later that afternoon, they are watching television together. The husband gets up to go to the kitchen.
"I'm going to make an ice cream sundae. Can I get you one too?"
-- Sure, she replies. I'd like vanilla ice cream....say, shouldn't you write this down, like the doctor recommended?
"I'll remember. Vanilla ice cream, check!"
-- okay, and whipped cream...are you sure you don't want to write this down?
"I'll remember. Vanilla ice cream with whipped cream, check!"
-- and chocolate sprinkles and a maraschino cherry on top! -- are you SURE you don't want to write this down?
"Vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles, and a maraschino cherry. Got it!"
and off he goes into the kitchen.
Several minutes later, he comes back carrying a tray with two plates. Each plate has scrambled eggs, sausage, and hash browns, and there are two mugs of coffee too.
The wife is annoyed: "I told you that you should write it down! you forgot the toast!"
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1
Probably, but if he falls into a hot tub, he'd be Stu.
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1
When Christopher takes a walk in a snow-covered forest, would you say he's Walken in a winter wonderland?
When Christopher takes a walk in a snow-covered forest, would you say he's Walken in a winter wonderland?
owslachief
occupe toi de tes oignons
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1
Sasha (Royal) Payne-Diaz
Thank you, Car Talk guys
Sasha (Royal) Payne-Diaz
Thank you, Car Talk guys
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1
So this guy recently moved and needs to find a new dentist. He asks around and gets recommendations, gets an appointment with a recommended one. Since the move it's been over a year since he has seen a dentist.
The dentist does the exam and asks the guy about the plate he has in his mouth and the guy explains it was from an accident he was in several years ago. the dentist tells him everything looks good except the plate is corroded. The guys says he has never had that trouble before. Dentist asks if there has been any change to his health or diet in the past year. "Well, my wife made me eggs Benedict about a year ago and I really liked it, especially the holandaise sauce so she started making holandaise sauce and putting it on many of our dishes." Dentist says, "well holandaise has lemon in it so it could be acid and that could be causing the corrosion. We'll have to replace the plate and use chrome."
"Chrome, why chrome?"
"Everyone knows there is no plate like chrome for the holandaise."
'Tiss the season!
So this guy recently moved and needs to find a new dentist. He asks around and gets recommendations, gets an appointment with a recommended one. Since the move it's been over a year since he has seen a dentist.
The dentist does the exam and asks the guy about the plate he has in his mouth and the guy explains it was from an accident he was in several years ago. the dentist tells him everything looks good except the plate is corroded. The guys says he has never had that trouble before. Dentist asks if there has been any change to his health or diet in the past year. "Well, my wife made me eggs Benedict about a year ago and I really liked it, especially the holandaise sauce so she started making holandaise sauce and putting it on many of our dishes." Dentist says, "well holandaise has lemon in it so it could be acid and that could be causing the corrosion. We'll have to replace the plate and use chrome."
"Chrome, why chrome?"
"Everyone knows there is no plate like chrome for the holandaise."
'Tiss the season!
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1
No, not even close to being a pun. But that's okay, funny will do.
No, not even close to being a pun. But that's okay, funny will do.
huskyfan
New member
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1
It's Holiday Time at the psychiatric hospital. The rehab staff plans to engage the patients in music therapy.
On the schizophrenic ward, they are singing "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
The manic patients are warbling "Deck the Halls...and the Walls...and the Light Fixtures....and the Windows....and...."
The paranoid unit keeps getting stuck on the "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake" section....
The narcissists are caroling "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me."
and the obsessive compulsive unit decided to do "Jingle Bells" as a round....
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ....
It's Holiday Time at the psychiatric hospital. The rehab staff plans to engage the patients in music therapy.
On the schizophrenic ward, they are singing "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
The manic patients are warbling "Deck the Halls...and the Walls...and the Light Fixtures....and the Windows....and...."
The paranoid unit keeps getting stuck on the "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake" section....
The narcissists are caroling "Hark, the Herald Angels Sing About Me."
and the obsessive compulsive unit decided to do "Jingle Bells" as a round....
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ....
- Status