Are you perplexed by non-binary grading? If so, then root for Brown.
Are you uninterested in national championships? If so, then root for Clarkson.
Are you still smarting from not getting into Bucknell? If so, then root for Colgate.
Do you pine for the pastures and culture of New Zealand, but 50 degrees colder? If so, then root for Cornell.
Are you drunk? If so, then root for Dartmouth.
Are you afraid of crowds? If so, then root for Harvard.
Do you find it uncomfortable to rub shoulders with "social inferiors"? If so, then root for Princeton.
Are you still in high school? If so, then root for Quinnipiac.
Do you find sumps, sewers, and pools of congealed waste attractive? If so, then root for RPI.
Are you arrogant while lacking the slightest reason to be? If so, then root for St. Lawrence.
Do you find comfort in blighted, rundown 19th century industrial landscapes? If so, then root for Union.
Do you live next to a huge minority community but only know black people who are valets? If so, then root for Yale.