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Gender Studies I

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When invited to a birthday party and the invitation says "no gifts" or "please no gifts, your presence is present enough", or something such as that, do any of the guests think to themselves the host/birthday person might really not want any gifts?

I think next year we won't throw a party for our daughter. I really didn't want presents, this kid has enough. What I really didn't want was a present that I think is entirely inappropriate for a 4 year old: a makeup kit play set. Beyond the enforcement of gender norms (they would not have gifted this to a boy), is the idea that makeup is normal everyday thing to play with. If this were clown makeup or stage makeup, I feel that would be more appropriate.
 
wolverineTrumpet said:
When invited to a birthday party and the invitation says "no gifts" or "please no gifts, your presence is present enough", or something such as that, do any of the guests think to themselves the host/birthday person might really not want any gifts?

I think next year we won't throw a party for our daughter. I really didn't want presents, this kid has enough. What I really didn't want was a present that I think is entirely inappropriate for a 4 year old: a makeup kit play set. Beyond the enforcement of gender norms (they would not have gifted this to a boy), is the idea that makeup is normal everyday thing to play with. If this were clown makeup or stage makeup, I feel that would be more appropriate.
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I would suggest that rather than not throw a party, just instruct guests that in lieu of gifts you ask that if they’d like, make a donation of a toy or cash to a local children’s hospital, or something like that. My wife and I did that and it worked great.
 
It's Pride Month.
I don't yell. I can barely raise my voice above having to speak up in loud places.

So:

I'm 41 years old. I'm a proud 41 year old Sober Neurodivergent Trans Lesbian. I came out in 2017 and started HRT in 2018. Throughout these past 6 years, I've found myself asserting myself in public spaces more and more, along with taking ownership of my body to the point where I've now done topless photo shoots.

But over the past 6 years, I've watched anti-LGBT rhetoric go from "I disagree with your lifestyle, but whatever" to "making it impossible to exist in public." I've watched efforts to criminalize my friends in the drag community. I'm seeing a new effort to overturn Obergefell. I'm seeing my friends and I portrayed as threats for simply existing.

And it's exhausting to try and shove that aside to focus on the day to day stuff. It's tiring to have to go to work and pay my bills and do my laundry knowing the clock is ticking. Right now, I've built an okay existence for myself with a good job, beautiful partner, and a strong Queer and Neurodivergent friend group and I really don't want to leave that behind.

And I don't know when the clock will strike midnight, if at all. Contingency plans are being made. But in the meantime, at 41+ years old and fresh out of fucks to give, I might as well shine the light so bright it burns the eyes of transphobes and bigots.

Regardless of what the media says about my community, the plan is to exist loudly. Blast Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato, and Rihanna from my car speakers. Wear sexy outfits. Call for IHOP trips at 5 AM, because I know most of my friends are down for pancakes at any time. Kiss my partner deeply in public. Have lots of platonic cuddle sessions with friends. Dance with drag queens. So on.

"Now if we meet out on the street I won't be running scared
I'll walk right up to you, and put one finger in the air
And make you understand
And make you understand
You had your chance, had your chance"
(Demi Lovato)
 
Entirely anecdotal survey data from r/intj respondants:

Code: 
70% Not LGBT (311)
20% LGBT (88)
10% Don't Know (48)
 
The frustrating thing is that yes, there is a world where one can be open and welcoming to trans folks and simultaneously have questions about fairness. Unfortunately, that world is tiny and completely crowded out by disingenuous people that use those same questions for the sole purpose of further confusing the issue and excluding trans people.

I get the exasperation from some well-meaning people that are trying to educate themselves. But they - we - all need to understand that you get attacked because for every one person that has genuine, well-intentioned questions, there are hundreds of hateful shitheels.
 
Swansong said:
The frustrating thing is that yes, there is a world where one can be open and welcoming to trans folks and simultaneously have questions about fairness. Unfortunately, that world is tiny and completely crowded out by disingenuous people that use those same questions for the sole purpose of further confusing the issue and excluding trans people.

I get the exasperation from some well-meaning people that are trying to educate themselves. But they - we - all need to understand that you get attacked because for every one person that has genuine, well-intentioned questions, there are hundreds of hateful ****heels.
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I'm not sure that world is as small as you think. There are a lot of people who are very supportive of LGBTQ+ rights but also question/doubt the fairness as it comes to trans-women competing in women's sports. I'd put myself in that category along with many others i know (including gay women athletes). When I entered a discussion about it on here, I was told I was misogynistic and that i was a transphobic nazi.

So yeah - doping aside, Lance is probably correct in this case that there does not seem to be much space to be able to discuss it.
 
ericredaxe said:
I'm not sure that world is as small as you think. There are a lot of people who are very supportive of LGBTQ+ rights but also question/doubt the fairness as it comes to trans-women competing in women's sports. I'd put myself in that category along with many others i know (including gay women athletes). When I entered a discussion about it on here, I was told I was misogynistic and that i was a transphobic nazi.

So yeah - doping aside, Lance is probably correct in this case that there does not seem to be much space to be able to discuss it.
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Fair enough, perhaps it isn't "tiny", but it's 100% overshadowed by the "less than genuine" people.

Honestly, I had the same questions. I talked to the couple of trans friends/acquaintances I have and asked them their thoughts. I read comments from athletes. I read interviews with healthcare providers. Basically, I went about educating myself. We all can do this. But I was yelled at too, at first. It's all good.

Remember, we - potential allies - are asking the same "questions' the CHUDs are, so give the trans folks some slack when they respond the same way.
 
Sincere questions are typically fine, but the context is the phobes constant hiding behind "questions" to drive their bigoted agenda.

Lance is defending "just asking questions" whether Blacks are intellectual inferiors or Jews sacrifice babies. I mean, a nuanced exchange of ideas is always good, right?
 
ericredaxe said:
So yeah - doping aside, Lance is probably correct in this case that there does not seem to be much space to be able to discuss it.
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Perhaps, but I'd rather err on the side of the persecuted. The over-the-top bigotry against trans people is what created the environment in which this type of reaction is seen as likely just another attack on them. You are conveniently erasing all they have been through and saying "but why can't we just have a calm discussion?" Yeah, no. You don't get to do that. Their pain's real and relevant. Your cis daughter's minor inconvenience just aint makin' it.

Step 1 for calm discussion: stop the right wing f-ckwits' demonizing these people and questioning their right to exist. Then we'll talk about the all important question of whether precious little Erika may be facing unfair competition on her tennis team.
 
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