Dad jokes and Bad jokes. One in the same

[MissThundercat]

Claustrophobic astronauts need more space.

 

[MissThundercat]

And one time, a dad tied the load down without saying "that's not going anywhere." The knot came undone and the load ended up scattered on the highway. All his friends never let him forget, and this is why all Dads must say "that's not going anywhere" when securing cargo.

 

[MissThundercat]

People think they're being clever when they say "penultimate."

Just come out and say it's your favorite pen!

 

[wolverineTrumpet]

Why don't ants get sick?

They have little anty bodies

 

[MissThundercat]

I'm trans, not a trap.

If I wanted to deceive straight men, I'd sell crypto.

 

[aparch]

Did you hear about the artist who created a new super hero to battle against Batman?

He named him Catman.

What's Catman do, you ask?

It's the capital of Nepal.

 

[MissThundercat]

You can spend years and thousands of dollars putting your kid through mime school, only for them to not talk to you.

 

[St. Clown]

Peewee Herman rings a bell.

https://www.threads.com/share/_nZvOXpah/

 

[MissThundercat]

I applied for a joke explainer position.

I didn't get it.

 

[MissThundercat]

Regular back: stupid. Failure of human evolution. You can injure it by sleeping wrong.

Backstreet's back: Alright.

 

[St. Clown]

I was always better at the latter than the former.

 

[FadeToBlack&Gold]

I was a goddamn professional!

Jäger hangovers were the worst, short of maybe tequila. Jäg gave the worst rotgut because of all the sugar, but tequila gave the worst all-day headache and strongest desire to die. Tough call between the two.

 

[busterman62]

From PTI opening:
Frank: Tony, National Geographic reports that there are noxious gases emanating from Mars
Tony: I heard that about Uranus

 

[St. Clown]

Engineers created an in-joke video to mess with the C-Suites back in the day.

Eddie Phanichkul (@officialeddiep) on Threads

I’ve been looking for this video for the past 20 years.

www.threads.com

 

[MissThundercat]

The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister of Sweden. He's now assembling his cabinet.

 

[MissThundercat]

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.

I thought my dad was going to do something about it, but he just sat in the chair the entire time.

 

[state of hockey]

I was a goddamn professional!

Jäger hangovers were the worst, short of maybe tequila. Jäg gave the worst rotgut because of all the sugar, but tequila gave the worst all-day headache and strongest desire to die. Tough call between the two.

I choose the Jäger hangover. While absolutely awful I could usually somewhat mitigate the discomfort by eating something greasy and spicy, even though it would be difficult to get down. There was nothing that would put a dent in the tequila hangovers for me.

 

[Jimjamesak]

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.

I thought my dad was going to do something about it, but he just sat in the chair the entire time.

Given recent events I suggest we rename it the “Alice Huang’s Husband chair”.

 

[Kepler]

I choose the Jäger hangover. While absolutely awful I could usually somewhat mitigate the discomfort by eating something greasy and spicy, even though it would be difficult to get down. There was nothing that would put a dent in the tequila hangovers for me.

I'm so lucky Jäger wasn't a thing when I was a kid. I love alcohol and licorice.

 

[MissThundercat]

Instead of having to choose between planning for the holidays, WW3, or a 90 day blackout, I'm gonna plan a Post Apocalyptic Holiday Bash. Assless leather chaps or spiked shoulder pads are not required to attend, but encouraged.