Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you
First prayers in your direction! Who ever says you can't feel physical pain from emotion hasn't gone through something like this! Lil struggled mightily in 3rd grade and had a similar scenario. it was awful. I have more than a few thoughts
-check with the teacher- in 1st grade I think it is a little weird the teacher hasn't figured this out and isn't calling
you. Maybe your area is different but here work was something that got passed out and handed in after you finished it.
-Make a CALL to the school asking for a MEETING. It is only Nov and struggling already is something that needs to be addressed. It could be a combo of a child struggling and a bad fit as far as teaching style. (Lil had a pathologic - the school counselor's words, not mine- teacher and we were very chastened to find out we were blaming everything on him.) Ask what the school routine is and then what they would suggest at home.
-Formally ask for an evaluation. Not sure what state you are in so don't know the rules but here you have to ask for an evaluation in writing. It used to be that they then had to do a CORE eval but now they just go in and evaluate things and make suggestions which then are applied to the classroom setting. You then have to ask formally, in writing for an evaluation again. The school is required to eval fully and give you results at a meeting within 30 days. If the little one has some sort of thing like dyslexia or graphomotor disorder getting help early is very important. Kids that struggle and aren't addressed early get a massive dislike of anything academic even tho they are very smart!
-Great book as a resource- The Out of Sync Child. May not fit exactly what is going on but has absolutely great strategies for dealing with school stuff.
-Some tips to help with focus at home-
~make sure the belly is full before starting homework. Huge difference in concentration!
~Make a plan with her before sitting to do work. We used to write everything that needed to get done and then he crossed it off when he finished it.
~ Kids that are feeling overwhelmed don't focus well so talk about what has to get done and then how she can 'batch it'. Some kids do better sitting to homework right away when they are in school mode, others need to blow off steam. Don't assume. Try both ways and then talk with her about which one you think works better.
~Plan breaks 10-15 minutes of work 5 minutes of break. Set a timer. Make sure the 10-15 minutes is working not dawdling. Do something PHYSICAL in the break. NO watching TV. That is immensely stimulating and makes the brain very disorganized.
~Heavy physical activity helps organize the body and focus the brain. Stuff like swinging, crab walking, bear walking, wheel barrow walking all work. Silly putty to pull on when she needs to listen to things can help focus and decrease distraction.
~if she like artistic stuff when she is studying have her draw while she recites her spelling back to you. Some kids do very well with association- when I was spelling 'boat' I was coloring that piece of my picture. (worth a try). Or try having her make up a song with the spelling words.
~Sit on an exercise ball while doing homework. Sometimes helps with focus as it is heavy activity for core muscles to balance.
~ we made a board game to work on math that we played every night at dinner. Ours was earning supplies to lay siege to a castle. Roll the dice and add, subtract, etc to get how many weapons. He loved it but hated math!
~ spelling- go around the dinner table and spell the word. the others get to tell if it is correct. If she has trouble writing then when the person spells they have to do it on the piece of paper and pass to the next person. Parents screw up once in awhile so she can correct you.
~Talk with her about not being able to do the work well. She is probably more than aware that she isn't able to do what others do well. We put it something like--every child has things they struggle with and things that come easy. You are very good at "____" and can do it without much work or thinking. Josie can't do that at all but she is good at math. If Josie tried to do "___" she would need extra help to work it out, it doesn't come naturally to her like it does to you. It just happens that you need help in math and spelling.
~DO NOT attach everything at home to school. We were told by a very wise person not to attach punishment/rewrd to things that did not go well academically at school (bad behavior- the hammer comes down). You can attach reward to working hard on homework and working through frustration. If it goes badly sit down and discuss with the little one a better strategy or what she thinks isn't working. She is young but don't underestimate what she could come up with. Acknowledge frustration but make sure the message is you need to find a way to make it work as it has to get done.
~ make sure to assign her tasks/chores that she can do successfully at home so she feels a sense of success at something required. Don't make the mistake of trying to give her stuff or let her off the hook because of a particularly bad day. Instead set her up to do something task oriented at home that she will succeed at. Then let her know she did.
~Routine is very important with kids like this. Sit down as a couple and figure out a routine that is as predictable as you can make it and then let her know what it is . Try to keep with it. When kids get overwhelmed predictabilty can save them a lot of stress.
Hang in there. A wise soul told me that I would remember the angst way more than my kid ever would. If you think of life like a big movie reel then you are on only one frame. Each day it changes. Try not to get stuck in anticipating all the awful stuff that might happen because things are like this now. It makes you, as parents, feel more pressured and the kid is focused on the immediate moment.
You do come out the other end. Lil' had a horrifyingly bad elementary school experience. I was as traumatized as he was. I would get sick to my stomach waiting for him to get home because it was always something else that happened. He now is in honors classes and altho he still struggles in math class he got an advance rating on the state standard test (no one gets why). We talk about the elementary thing once in a awhile. I remember all the stuff we did to make sure he came out OK and it must have worked. What is still vividly painful to me he either can't remember or vaguely remembers as not being that bad
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