Bob,
I know what you're going through, as I lost my Mom last November to interstitial lung disease, just before Thanksgiving. It was especially hard, as my Mom went unexpectedly quickly. My wife and I had make plans to go back and be with her for Thanksgiving and we'd bought open-ended tickets to stay with her awhile. I spoke with her and my Stepdad the friday before Thanksgiving about holiday plans and all. We were arriving on Monday to be with them. Then we got a call late Friday night that she had unexpectedly gone downhill quickly and passed that night, just two days before we would have been there. Very tough weekend.
Other than my wife, my Mom was the person I was closest to in the whole world. I just spent ten days back in Minnesota, part of which was spent going through her things with my siblings. Even now, ten months after she passed, the emotions well up every so often and I'll start to cry. Oftentimes it's just little things I'll see that make me think of her. But, you know, that's ok. Sometimes we think we have to have our guard up and not show our emotions, but it's really ok to grieve, and everyone grieves in their own way and on their own timetable. I think when you lose someone that important to you, there's an empty spot in your life that never gets filled again, even though as time passes, the pain gradually fades. But, again, that's ok.
One thing I spent some time doing was going back through a file where I had kept letters from my Mom over the years. One was especially meaningful, as it was a letter my Mom had sent me when my grandfather had just passed away. To quote a bit of it:
"We are praying for you and love you. The Lord worked things out for your return to Minnesota for Grandpa Gray’s funeral. I have not known a grandfather who truly loved his grandchildren so. (I know Grandpa Cedar would have, if he had lived to know his). You have been blessed, and you will have precious memories, which will be with you for your lifetime. As your sorrow eases, your memories will become more precious."
