What's new
By:
USCHO Fan Forum

This is a sample guest message. Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

  • The USCHO Fan Forum has migrated to a new plaform, xenForo. Most of the function of the forum should work in familiar ways. Please note that you can switch between light and dark modes by clicking on the gear icon in the upper right of the main menu bar. We are hoping that this new platform will prove to be faster and more reliable. Please feel free to explore its features.

A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

You can say "have a nice day" and there's no problem.

You say "enjoy the next 24 hours" and you sound vaguely threatening.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

I do, too.

Related:

You can also say "Good evening," and it's a greeting. However, if you say "Good night," that's a goodbye.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

I had the misfortune of being exposed to Wisconsin style humor this past weekend.

Bob, Alan and Joe were out fishing. Nature called for Bob, so he proceeded to stand up in the boat, unzip his pants and urinate over the side. A wave from a passing boat suddenly struck, hurling Bob over the side, where he quickly sunk out of sight.

Alan and Joe sat looking at one another for a moment. Joe then reluctantly stood up and dove over the side of the boat after Bob.

Joe resurfaced a minute later, a lifeless body in tow. After three or four minutes of unsuccessful mouth to mouth resuscitation by Joe, he turned to Alan and said, "Jeez, I didn't remember that Bob had such terrible breath."

Alan responded, "Yeah, I was just thinking that I didn't remember Bob wearing that snowmobile suit."
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Brenthoven said:
I do, too.

Related:

You can also say "Good evening," and it's a greeting. However, if you say "Good night," that's a goodbye.
Click to expand...

I was just thinking that "Good evening!" could also come from an admirer of a bricklayer finishing a perfect course.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

"Man, I want to stab that guy over there."- the inventor of archery
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Whoever invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Me, upon seeing Jeopardy is on Netflix: "Oh, this is dumb... who's gonna watch this crap?"

Me, 6 hours later: "Come on, Brenda, make it a true Daily Double and let's get back in this b-tch!"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

What do you call waterfowl that is a thief?

Robber ducky.

What do you call waterfowl that goes to McDonald's twice a year?

McRibber ducky.

What do you call waterfowl that quacks it out old school?

Rapper ducky.

What do you call waterfowl that graduated from Ole Miss?

Reb-ber ducky.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

(could get me banned but there's always community service)

A group of nuns is painting the abbess' office in the peak of summer. The heat is so bad they ask, "Mother Superior, may we continue doing this topless?" She thinks, "well, the outside world isn't really going to see this," and bends to their wishes. A little while later comes a knock on the door. Startled, one of the nuns looks through the peep-hole and, relieved, says "It's just the blind man". That man is allowed in, takes a look around and exclaims, "Whew! nice view. Where do you want the blinds?"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Why do whales live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Flashback: this popped up on my FB memories...I admit I forgot about this joke, and I still laugh at it:

Tim Tebow, Joe Montana and Peyton Manning walk into a bar. They order a round of beers, except for Tebow who just has appletinis. One round turns into another and pretty soon, they're all feeling good. The smack starts flying around. "Admit it fellas, I'm the best QB of all time", says Joe, rings are the proof of that.""Don't think so, Joe," says Peyton, "look at the stats and admit you're wrong."... Tebow jumps in, "You guys had good teams. I can take a total loser and make them a winner. I'm the best."

They decide to hash it out right there, with a football. Joe goes first and throws a football the length of the bar and knocks a beer glass off the head of the bartender. "Beat that," he says. Peyton stands up and also from the length of the bar, knocks a shot glass out of a waitress's mouth. "I guess that settles it," Peyton says as he sits back down.

Tebow stands up, grabs a football and throws it. It zips away from the bartender, behind the waitress and out a open window falling into the men's room. The crowd suddenly erupts and declares Tebow the winner.

Befuddled, Joe asks, "Why are they cheering for you!?!??"

"I'm Tim Tebow," Tim replies, "I win without hitting anything"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Little girl walks up to Santa and asks for a GI Joe and a Barbie.
Santa says, "But I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
Little girl replies "No, Barbie comes with GI Joe. She just fakes it with Ken."
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Coworker: How do you celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in God?

Me: How do you celebrate Valentine's Day if nobody likes you?
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

What do you call a cow that just gave birth?

Decaffeinated.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

A man walks into the bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "what are you doing"?
She replies, I'm off to New York.I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 doing what I do for you for free."
Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing a suitcase.
"Where are you going?" she asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."
 
Last edited:
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Looks at the back of peanut butter jar:

"2 tablespoons per serving. 25 servings per container."

Me: You're not the boss of me and you're not so big!
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Teachers are smart!

Teacher: We have to clean the school after the school fair.

Sixth graders: Why?

Teacher: The fifth graders did it last year, so it's your turn to do it.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

joecct said:
Teacher: We have to clean the school after the school fair.

Sixth graders: Why?

Teacher: The fifth graders did it last year, so it's your turn to do it.
Click to expand...

To be fair, if this is a school in the South it is all different kids.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, "That shirt looks great on you!” The man looks around, doesn’t see anything, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it.

But then, a moment later, the voice returns, this time offering, “You seem like a really cool guy!” Again, the man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, wondering if he should get checked out by a professional.

Finally, when his nerves have cooled and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, “I bet your parents are really proud of you!” He slams down his drink and looks around wildly. Frustrated and finding no possible source of the voice, he calls over the bartender. He says, “Hey barkeep! What’s that voice I keep hearing?”

“Oh, those are the peanuts,” the bartender replies. “They’re complimentary.”

Or is this more suited to Really Bad Puns?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top