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Y'all enjoy all y'alls birds tomorrow!

mookie1995

there's a good buck in that racket.
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly.



"May I ask what the turkey did?"
 
Re: Y'all enjoy all y'alls birds tomorrow!

Ugh, don't rub it in. My wife and I are pretty much the only ones in her family who are organized enough to pull off a simple dinner party, so we always host. This year, my sister-in-law, who fancies herself something of a chef (evidence notwithstanding) wanted to be in charge of the meal. So we're allegedly having stuffed turkey rolls or some such nonsense. She's done zero prep work so far as I can tell, and went out with her friends until 2 am last night. At this point, anything better than a baloney sandwich will be a nice surprise.

But y'all enjoy your turkeys!

:(
 
Re: Y'all enjoy all y'alls birds tomorrow!

They're hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!
 
Re: Y'all enjoy all y'alls birds tomorrow!

But they take off like an overloaded DC9. I was on the Blue Ridge Parkway on the motorcycle, came around a bend, and a turkey started taking off in the other direction. Slowly. Very slowly it gained altitude. Luckily, it was fully airborne by the time I got there because the splat on the faceshield would have been nasty!
 
But they take off like an overloaded DC9. I was on the Blue Ridge Parkway on the motorcycle, came around a bend, and a turkey started taking off in the other direction. Slowly. Very slowly it gained altitude. Luckily, it was fully airborne by the time I got there because the splat on the faceshield would have been nasty!
They take off pretty fast when I sic my dog on them. They can ruin a garden especially when you have 30 or 40 of them hanging around
 
Re: Y'all enjoy all y'alls birds tomorrow!

If you're in a tree stand waiting for deer and they take off from a tree right behind you it's easy to fall out or drop your bow. They are NOT quiet when they take off.
 
But they take off like an overloaded DC9. I was on the Blue Ridge Parkway on the motorcycle, came around a bend, and a turkey started taking off in the other direction. Slowly. Very slowly it gained altitude. Luckily, it was fully airborne by the time I got there because the splat on the faceshield would have been nasty!
As an airport worker, I must interject by saying an overloaded DC9 is not taking off and instead will look something like this: http://www.airliners.net/aviation-forums/general_aviation/print.main?id=2881047
 
Re: Y'all enjoy all y'alls birds tomorrow!

If you're in a tree stand waiting for deer and they take off from a tree right behind you it's easy to fall out or drop your bow. They are NOT quiet when they take off.

You have one jump out from under your feet in the woods, and you will relieve yourself through one orifice or another, guaranteed. Grouse are startling; turkeys are heart stoppers.
 
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