Haha... This weekend just happens to be
'You Be The Coach' week at UNH, where the University of New Hampshire Athletic Department awards one lucky fan the opportunity to coach the UNH Wildcats for a weekend series. The identity of this years fan coach has yet to be announced, but we can speculate that the first pre-game talk might go something like this…
Fan Coach: Ok team, listen up. There's going to be a few changes this weekend. Let's talk about SOG. They are meaningless, unless we happen to put one in the net, which then means it is not meaningless, unless of course it happened in the first period, in which case, even if we happen to win the game 1-0, you will not be awarded a GWG. Understand?
Team: Huh?
Fan Coach: In a nutshell team, YOU TAKE WAY TOO MANY SHOTS!!! How can you expect to score by taking so many shots? You guys just don't get it.
Team: But coach, how can we score without shooting?
Fan Coach: Ahh Ha… great question. Short answer, you can't. My usual long answer… why waste your energy putting shots on net that are meaningless. Understand? Shots you put on net that you have absolutely no intention of putting past the goalie are meaningless shots and we must eliminate them from the game plan. I could go on and on with this answer, but my finger is sore right now from typing. So anyway, I am going to limit this team to a maximum 20 SOG per game. Got it?
Team: But coach, what if we have two guys in front of the net screening the goalie? Is that a good time to put a shot on net, even if it's just a weak wrister? It might just sneak by the goalie, or maybe one of our guys bangs home a rebound.
Fan Coach: A very good point, but it really all depends on what period the game is in. If it's the first period, I'd say no, don't take the shot because there is a high percentage of those plays that do not result in 'quality shots'. Keep in mind, a quality shot goes in the net… all other shots are meaningless. If it's not a quality shot, I don't want you taking it. And if you do, and the result is that it was a meaningless shot, then you just might be watching tomorrow night's game from the nickel seats? Capisce?
Team: Huh?
Fan Coach: OK… I see confusion on your faces. Let's say you had a lapse of hockey intelligence and actually took the above described shot… and we get lucky and score. You will be saved by the goal as the result is now a quality shot, but you will not be awarded with a GWG if the game ends 1-0. Quiz: What period were we in team? Answer: First period, remember? No GWG awarded in the first period!!! Dammit!
Team: Yes, Coach.
Fan Coach: OK, so now that we've established SOG and quality vs quantity SOG… wait, we went over that, right?
So, let's now focus on what happens with the 1-0 lead in the first period, ok? So, we are now the better team because we are ahead, 1-0, in the first. SO… we have to go into our prevent defense and keep the other team from scoring. Preserve the lead, take away their strength's, push them to the perimeter, don't let them shoot, don't let them score! Dammit!!!
Team: OK coach. But what if we get the puck and are able to play our game in their zone? Can we continue to try and score?
Fan Coach: Hello? Have you been listening to one word I've said? It's only the first period, and we're PRESERVING the 1-0 lead. Remember… you only get 20 SOG, that's it! When you reach that number, and I'm counting, you will be shut down from taking any further shots in this game. Got that? So I suggest that you dump the puck and get set up to play some more quality D… preserve that lead. Remember, games aren't won in the first period, they're won over the long haul. There's 40 minutes more to play in this game, so save those SOG for when you might need them, later in the game. For now, concentrate on preserving the lead! Dammit!
Team: Ok coach. But what do we do if the other team scores on a meaningless shot and ties the game?
Fan Coach: You're kidding me, right? That's not in the game plan! Dammit!!! And that shot is no longer meaningless. It went in the net so it is now a very meaningful SOG. Tied the damm game up because you guys weren't in preservation mode. But, if that actually happens, which it probably won't, because I've done my homework, we'll deal with it at that time. Hockey is a very predictable game, not a game of lucky bounces, or puck luck if you will. Trust me. K?
AND, just so you know… I have taught the UNH TV viewing fan base how to recognize which team is winning, or losing the game, in the third period… WITHOUT KNOWING THE SCORE... AND... WITH THE VOLUME OFF! It's all in the way you play the game and it absolutely shows up on the tube, even without volume. So be careful. You can't get anything by me, or the fan base anymore.
One more thing!... there will be a quiz on the SOG stats of the 2000-2001 Boston College Eagles. One of the greatest Hockey East teams to ever lace 'em up.
So, good luck out there tonight boys. Go Cats! Win one for the Dicker!!!
(just might be the game plan we need this weekend...minus the other team scoring, of course.)
