Re: Rep Retirement Lodge 87: As All Hallow's Eve Approches.....
Dear Ann Landers, I'm a lifelong fan of every sports team based in the state of Minnesota. Lately, it's getting exponentially more difficult to find even one for which I can cheer with some prospect that the team will win a game. Ann, just have a look at some recent results of my favorite teams. The Minnesota Golden Golfers' feetsball team has been brutalized twice in the last two weeks and has no shot to beat Michigan State this weekend. The Minnesota Golden Oh-fers hockey team hasn't scored a goal since the Clinton Administration and couldn't win a broomball game at present. The Minnesota Mild are worse than that. The Vikings tanked against the Steelers and the Twins having been playing golf and working on arts and crafts projects for weeks and weeks at this point. What am I to do. Signed, Baffled in Bloomington
Dear BB, From the selection of teams for which you cheer it's readily apparent you have the I.Q. of stale toaster waffles. Tim Brewster's squad is well on its way to matching last season's complete second half El Foldo. Woodshed, bloodshed and, this week, hat trick. Those clowns will be lucky to cop a bid to the Miller Lite Who Gives A Rat's A/s/s Bowl.
As for the Minnesota Golden Lucias the team's impending decimation at the hands of the Alaskas this weekend should send the Oh-fers screaming into the Halloween night.
There should be an announcement within the next twenty-four hours informing you, and the other two fans of the Minnesota Mild, of that team's relegation to the ECHL.
As for the Vikings, it was only a matter of time before Brett Faruhvuh decided to chuck the whole deal and pursue a career in making Wranglers commercials. Maybe he can catch on with a Sunday morning, AARP flag football league.
On the positive side, you can look forward with absolutely no anticipation whatsoever to the eighteen game series between Bemidji State and Bobby Morris. Oughta be rilly rilly tough getting a seat to any of those contests.
As for teams for which your particular set of sensibilities would allow you to cheer, have you considered Saint Louis Rams season tickets? And Happy Halloween to you.
