Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

[goldy_331]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

FF: And i thought i was getting old I think I first heard that one in the 50's.

Have already gotten...not getting.

 

[joecct]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Ten foot Pole signs NBA contract. "He's untouchable," said the owner.

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Have already gotten...not getting.

so you say, now....

just wait, your definition will also become more elastic as you too progress through life.

 

[DrDemento]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Ten foot Pole signs NBA contract. "He's untouchable," said the owner.

Now that one i like!

 

[DrDemento]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Have already gotten...not getting.

I only admit to my age when it serves a purpose-like a senior discount at the food market or at a restaurant.

 

[burgie12]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

FF: And i thought i was getting old I think I first heard that one in the 50's.

I think I've heard it before, too...

Back in the heyday of the Soviet Union, there was a noted meteorologist named Rudolph. Most of the time, his forecasts were way off: if he said sunny and warm it was cloudy and cool; if he said windy it was calm, and so on.

However, if it came to predicting liquid precipitation, he was spot on. Always right, never fail.

The wife of the US ambassador asked, "how can this be?"

and he told her: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Here are 24 real groaners: http://mistupid.com/jokes/page128.htm


Here are four that I particularly liked:

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

24. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Some of these are pretty classic, too. From the same website:

Christmas Carols for the Mentally Disturbed.

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

This one wasn't on their list:

11. Passive-Aggressive -- You Better Watch Out.

 

[DrDemento]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Here are 24 real groaners: http://mistupid.com/jokes/page128.htm


Here are four that I particularly liked:

Way back in the old days Nipsey Russell used to do an entire routine of these-I especially liked #11 also. Much later George Carlin devoted a small segment of one of his HBO specials to a number of these. Nice post-needed something today that would get me to smile a bit.

 

[FlagDUDE08]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

This one wasn't on their list:

11. Passive-Aggressive -- You Better Watch Out.

That's because that's just the first line; the song is titled "Santa Claus is Coming to Town".

I thought of one, but won't say it on here in order to keep this family-friendly. Let's just say it would reach the climax and leave it at that.

 

[joecct]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

They say the best puns have the thread of truth to them....

 

[MountieBoyOz]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Shouldn't Luke Russert be working the Famous Idaho Potatoes Bowl

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Eschew obfuscation.

 

[Tiggsy]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Someone broke in and stole all my "Messiah" themed votives. It's a real Handel candle scandal!

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Would you say that a teacher who is obsessive about taking attendance is absent-minded?

 

[joecct]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

I had an epiphany today.

 

[NEWI Badger Fan]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”


Frog Parking Only: All Others Will Be Toad.

 

[DrDemento]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”


Frog Parking Only: All Others Will Be Toad.

Thanks-I needed both of these today.

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Hats off to Cindy Adams for this one.

A man walks into a lingerie store. He wants to surprise his girlfriend with a gift. The clerk asks him, "what is her bra size?" He replies, "7[SUP]1[/SUP]/[SUB]4[/SUB]".

The clerk looks puzzled. He says, "well, I put my fedora over her breast this morning and it was a perfect fit."

 

[NEWI Badger Fan]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Thanks-I needed both of these today.

Glad i could help!