Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

[DrDemento]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

This may be better....

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans including a southerner a New Englander, and a Californian, an Argentinian, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uraguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamanian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," said the snooty maître d' "but you can't come in here without a Thai".

I do not think they get much worse than that. Groan

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

There was a contest in a local newspaper for best pun of the year. they even had several categories. I submitted nearly a dozen of my favorites.

Given these multiple entries, did any of them win? Sadly, no pun in ten did.

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

This may be better....

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans including a southerner a New Englander, and a Californian, an Argentinian, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uraguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamanian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

"I'm sorry," said the snooty maître d' "but you can't come in here without a Thai".

"Cy am" came a grammatically-challenged voice from the back.

 

[jericho]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

The father of Apple Corp's founder can truly say he helped to create Jobs.

 

[FlagDUDE08]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

The father of Apple Corp's founder can truly say he helped to create Jobs.

If you're going to put it that way, tLodge should be lauding the father of the star of Footloose (the 1984 version) as a god. After all, he created Bacon.

 

[joecct]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

George Takei posted this...

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Okay, inveterate punsters should see this punchline coming, and so I'll put it in white when we get there.


Sherlock Holmes is noted for his powers of observation and deduction, often leaving Watson puzzled until Holmes explains his reasoning. Despite Nigel Bruce's characterizations, most depictions of Watson show him to be fairly intelligent and observant, merely not on Holmes' level. Don't forget, Watson was (is?) a doctor, after all.

Occasionally, however, Watson's medical knowledge is essential to Holmes being able to solve a case (especially in the new show Elementary, which has been a pleasant surprise for me, much better than I expected).

In one particular case, it was Watson's observation that a person in the case had an obstructed bowel that allowed Holmes to solve the case. Afterwards, Holmes asked Watson how he knew that the suspect had a bowel obstruction.

Naturally, Watson replied, "No sh^t, Sherlock."





PS I got some negative rep (anonymous, of course) telling me my puns aren't to his/her liking. Well, duh, look at the thread title.

 

[DrDemento]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Okay, inveterate punsters should see this punchline coming, and so I'll put it in white when we get there.


Sherlock Holmes is noted for his powers of observation and deduction, often leaving Watson puzzled until Holmes explains his reasoning. Despite Nigel Bruce's characterizations, most depictions of Watson show him to be fairly intelligent and observant, merely not on Holmes' level. Don't forget, Watson was (is?) a doctor, after all.

Occasionally, however, Watson's medical knowledge is essential to Holmes being able to solve a case (especially in the new show Elementary, which has been a pleasant surprise for me, much better than I expected).

In one particular case, it was Watson's observation that a person in the case had an obstructed bowel that allowed Holmes to solve the case. Afterwards, Holmes asked Watson how he knew that the suspect had a bowel obstruction.

Naturally, Watson replied, "No sh^t, Sherlock."





PS I got some negative rep (anonymous, of course) telling me my puns aren't to his/her liking. Well, duh, look at the thread title.

As James Bond said in Diamonds Are Forever-"Alimentary!"

 

[UncleRay]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

PS I got some negative rep (anonymous, of course) telling me my puns aren't to his/her liking. Well, duh, look at the thread title.

Or maybe it's the fact that it takes three hours of reading to get to a punch line that was only worth 2 seconds of build-up.

 

[FlagDUDE08]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Or maybe it's the fact that it takes three hours of reading to get to a punch line that was only worth 2 seconds of build-up.

Well according to that pun, there was no build-up.

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Or maybe it's the fact that it takes three hours of reading to get to a punch line that was only worth 2 seconds of build-up.

Okay, smart guy, you set up the pun about the dyslexic cook with the punchline "pea green soup" in a quick snappy sentence or two!

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Well according to that pun, there was no build-up.

um, if you are referring to post # 447, shouldn't it be just the opposite?

 

[FlagDUDE08]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

um, if you are referring to post # 447, shouldn't it be just the opposite?

Point taken.

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

I notice that the House of Representatives just passed a law to remove the word "lunatic" from all other federal laws. However, this law said nothing about people who are not crazy.

that's right, there is no sanity clause.

 

[DrDemento]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

I notice that the House of Representatives just passed a law to remove the word "lunatic" from all other federal laws. However, this law said nothing about people who are not crazy.

that's right, there is no sanity clause.

Wasn't that a quote from Chico Marx?

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Wasn't that a quote from Chico Marx?

More like a shameless unattributed steal!


hey, I'm not crazy.



BTW, on that bill, "The 21st Century Language Act of 2012", it passed the House 397 - 1. The one person who voted "no" said

Not only should we not eliminate the word lunatic from federal law when the most pressing issue of the day is saving our country from bankruptcy, we should use the word to describe the people who want to continue with business as usual in Washington.

 

[DrDemento]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

More like a shameless unattributed steal!


hey, I'm not crazy.



BTW, on that bill, "The 21st Century Language Act of 2012", it passed the House 397 - 1. The one person who voted "no" said

I have been somewhat surprised that we haven't seen a large number of puns from Groucho on this thread. After all- much of the dialogue in their movies consisted of strings of them.

 

[joecct]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

I have been somewhat surprised that we haven't seen a large number of puns from Groucho on this thread. After all- much of the dialogue in their movies consisted of strings of them.

Every time Groucho heard somebody talk about cousin Karl, he saw red.

 

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

back in the days of the Soviet Union, the Communist Party's offical weatherman, Rudolph, usually was very inaccurate with his predictions. However, whenever he forecast precipitation, he was always spot-on, 100% accurate. His wife asked him how.

He responded, speaking of himself in third-person voice, "that's because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

 

[DrDemento]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

back in the days of the Soviet Union, the Communist Party's offical weatherman, Rudolph, usually was very inaccurate with his predictions. However, whenever he forecast precipitation, he was always spot-on, 100% accurate. His wife asked him how.

He responded, speaking of himself in third-person voice, "that's because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

FF: And i thought i was getting old I think I first heard that one in the 50's.