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Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

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Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

I did not make up the double entendre in post # 742, and neither did the person who told it to me, and neither did the person who told it to her.

I can imagine it might be the punchline to an apocryphal story about an aging rocker frustrated that none of his old mates would stay up late to party with him any more, wherein he was totally unaware of the second meaning.

Anyway, I was really struck by its simplicity and elegance: probably one of the best terrible puns I've ever heard.

Cheers! :)
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Did you hear about the person who went into the hospital to have some diagnostic tests done on his gastrointestinal system, and somehow wound up in the psych ward by mistake?

Apparently his fecal matter emerged in a variety of bright colors and unusual shapes. His doctor sent him in for some tests. On the admitting form, the reason given for consultation was "weird sh^t."
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

FreshFish said:
Did you hear about the person who went into the hospital to have some diagnostic tests done on his gastrointestinal system, and somehow wound up in the psych ward by mistake?

Apparently his fecal matter emerged in a variety of bright colors and unusual shapes. His doctor sent him in for some tests. On the admitting form, the reason given for consultation was "weird sh^t."
Click to expand...

Sometimes diagnosis is a real crap shoot.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

it seems that scatological humor has been with us for centuries.

Many people have heard John Donne's famous line, "No man is an island."

Few know that in the draft version, he had a clever pun that was removed from the final, published version:

"No man is an island, but when you p^ss, you're a nation."

(you have to say it out loud ;) )
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Years ago, a very inept surgeon accidentally amputated the wrong leg on a woman with gangrene of the other leg. When he realized his mistake he had to remove the gangrenous one also. Of course she contacted her lawyer who promptly sued. The judge, however, threw the case out of court. He said she did not have a leg to stand on.
 
DrDemento said:
Years ago, a very inept surgeon accidentally amputated the wrong leg on a woman with gangrene of the other leg. When he realized his mistake he had to remove the gangrenous one also. Of course she contacted her lawyer who promptly sued. The judge, however, threw the case out of court. He said she did not have a leg to stand on.
Click to expand...

That was low.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book the other was typing away on his typewriter.

The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Did you know the athletic supporter was invented in France? It was by a guy named Jacques Strappe.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

What should you do if you fear you're always being watched? Play for the Jacksonville Jaguars, nobody will watch you then.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Why did the [whatever] have "urine is yellow" tattooed on the back of his hand?

It was the only way he could remember whether he was coming or going. :groan:
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

FreshFish said:
Why did the [whatever] have "urine is yellow" tattooed on the back of his hand?

It was the only way he could remember whether he was coming or going. :groan:
Click to expand...

Still don't have that perfect cure for P.E., but I've been told it's coming soon.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

The producers of Two and a Half Men reportedly are engaging in an egregiously politically incorrect pun for the upcoming season.

I don't watch the show very often, especially in the post-Charlie Harper era.

Apparently since the actor who plays Jake has grown up they are pretty much writing that character out of the show, if I understand correctly. and so they are introducing a new character this fall for the "Half" part of the title: in white so it's not a spoiler

I read a report that says Amber Tamblyn will appear on the show as Charlie's daughter. The pun for the "Half" is that her character is a lesbian.
 
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