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Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

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Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

My kid's a raft guide on the local river, on hot weekend afternoons they say its like a potato field - full of tubers.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

At the end of the soccer match the player was awarded a box of Good Diver chocolates.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

I guess Michelle Obama supports a woman's right to bare arms....I guess she likes her "guns," eh?
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

So this imperial emigre countess is bawling out her servant, she calls him a peon.

He replies, "Don't 'peon' me!"
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly. The bartender says "What's the steering wheel for?" The pirate says "Arrrr....it's driving me nuts!"
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

OK, this isn't a pun at all, still, it's a great joke.....

Sherlock Holmes and Watson went out camping. During the night, Watson stirred, and sensed that Holmes was awake.
"Holmes, is everything okay?" asked Watson.
"Look up, Watson, and tell me what you see."
"I see stars, Holmes."
"and what do you make of that?"
"um...the results of gravity-induced hydrogen fusion from tens of millions of years ago."
"anything else?"
"um....a sight that has inspired poets, musicians, and scientists for millenia."
"anything else?"
"um....a near-infinitude of visible stars, probably millions of more we can't see, even if a fraction had planets and even if a fraction of those planets had life and even if a fraction of those planets had intelligent life, well, the numbers are so vast to begin with, the odds are miniscule that we are the only intelligent life in the universe."
"I see"​
Long silence.
Watson clears his throat.
More silence.
Finally,
"Holmes, what do you see?"
"Well, Watson, I see stars."
"yes, but, what does that mean to you?"
"it means, Watson, that someone stole our tent while we were sleeping!​
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

John Buccigross ‏@Buccigross
A butt dial is not the same as a Djibouti call.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

A sleepy member of the choir spilled coffee all over her score for the Bach cantata. An impatient choir director told her to hurry up and wachet auf before a stain could set in.
 
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