You look the same, Boston. Faneuil Hall is still Faneuil Hall. The Common still serves as a green respite in the heart of the city. Old North Church is still old and, well, North. Nevertheless, you have changed. Somebody has to say it. Who better than your oldest friend, the City of Brotherly Love?
We go all the way back to Ben Franklin. Born in Boston, Ben became the single most iconic figure in Philadelphia's history. We have got a bridge, a parkway, a fantastic science museum all named for Franklin. He personifies our deep connection as co-inventors of the United States of America.
You had Lexington and Concord, we had Valley Forge and Trenton. You had the Tea Party, we had the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Let New York or Chicago or Los Angeles compete with that.
For a century or so, we shared the profound heartache of our sporting histories. No matter how grim things got in Philadelphia, we knew we had a kindred city suffering along with us. The epic frustration of Red Sox fans didn't have to be explained to those who suffered with the Phillies. You had Johnny Pesky and Bucky Dent and Bill Buckner, we had 1964 and Black Friday and Joe Carter.
The Eagles finally got to a Super Bowl (in New Orleans) and were taken apart by the Oakland Raiders. Five years later, the Patriots finally reached one (in New Orleans!) and were demolished by the Chicago Bears.
When our Flyers won the city's first championship in a generation, the 1974 Stanley Cup, it meant so much more because they beat your Bruins. Clarke and Parent vs. Orr and Esposito - worthy adversaries.
And of course, the Sixers and Celtics have been great rivals. You had Russell and we had Chamberlain. You had Bird and we had Dr. J. You got the better of us most years, but it made for some truly great games and series.
When you finally won that first Super Bowl (in New Orleans!), we were sincerely happy for you. Better Boston than one of these Sun Belt cities that appeared – on maps as well as the major-league sports scene - in the last 10 or 20 years.
It seemed at the time that we were right there with you, so it was easy to enjoy the scene in the French Quarter after young Tom Brady led that final drive and Adam Vinatieri nailed the game-winning field goal. The Boston fans who wandered Bourbon Street were ecstatic and grateful - just as we imagine we would be in the same situation.
We could even appreciate the joy of Sox fans in 2004, when the team of self-proclaimed "idiots" snapped that 86-year drought.
But now? It is out of hand.
Three Super Bowl titles and two World Series championships in less than six years? And now the Patriots are 10-0 and about to beat our Eagles to go 11-0. The Celtics added Kevin Garnett and started the season 8-0 while the Sixers added, um, Thaddeus Young. While we were kind of happy to see Temple win a few games, Boston College is 9-2 with Philly's Matt Ryan at quarterback.
We are hoping Major League Soccer grants us an expansion team in Chester, while your MLS team has played for the league title two years in a row.
Here's how hot Boston is. Martin Scorcese made some of the best American films of the last 40 years - GoodFellas, Raging Bull, Mean Streets, all set in New York. He sets one picture, The Departed, in Boston and - presto! -instant Oscar.
It has been a while since Rocky, you know?
We have tried to take all this in stride, Boston, out of respect for that old friendship. So even though Morrissey was right when he sang, "We hate it when our friends become successful (and if they're Northern, that makes it even worse)," we tried to be bigger than that.
But you have changed, and it's not just because that third Super Bowl was at the expense of the Eagles, or that you won those two Series with former Phillies Terry Francona and Curt Schilling.
How can we put this? You expect to win now. You are spoiled. The fans who were so charmingly thrilled five years ago have become insufferable. So have the teams.
The Patriots got caught videotaping defensive signals, and now they are taking it out on the rest of the league by running up scores. Hey, Coach Belichick, we're all sorry you cheated, OK?
The Red Sox, operating in a smaller media market than a certain National League team we could name, spend like the Yankees and win even more.
All we are saying, Boston, is a little grace and humility would be admirable. We still like you, sort of, but it is just time we got this off our chest. Enjoy all the success, but excuse us if we start hanging out more with Cleveland.
You guys are making me nervous. Only thing more powerful to counteract this is when the Eagles kick a field goal on the opening drive and Scarlet comes out here and immediately declares the game over.
