Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

[bigblue_dl]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

For those of you unaware: Fellow poster Flashy Man and I got engaged in January, and we set a date for next June.
My little sister (and Maid of Honor) got a Save The Date card in the mail yesterday for a wedding that will be a few weeks after ours. Thus, she sent me a message asking me why we hadn't sent ours out yet. That led in to a question of a million other things that apparently need to get done RIGHTFREAKINGNOWOMG. I guess I'm doing something wrong by not having the entire thing planned out a year ahead of time. Forgive me that with recently moving 2 states away, getting a new job and a pretty much instant promotion, and trying to train for a race, I haven't devoted my entire existence to being a bride-to-be. That, and I seem to have this ridiculous idea that the groom should have some say in these things, and unless it has anything to do with a dude who will be coaching Tech Hockey this fall, he's not interested in hearing or talking about it. ("I don't know, we have a year yet to sort these things out" or a non-descript grunt and shrug is the best I can get out of him when the topic comes up.)
The St. Louis County Courthouse is 3 blocks from our apartment, and it's looking more and more tempting.

/rant.

For the weddings I've been invited to recently the Save the Date cards have on average come out 6 months in advance...I don't think you're really behind here.

 

[MinnesotaNorthStar]

For the weddings I've been invited to recently the Save the Date cards have on average come out 6 months in advance...I don't think you're really behind here.

I've received exactly one for all the weddings I've been invited to...

 

[nmupiccdiva]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

For the weddings I've been invited to recently the Save the Date cards have on average come out 6 months in advance...I don't think you're really behind here.

The only argument I could make in my sister's defense is that hotels and whatnot around where we're getting married book up super quick, especially that time of year. It might not hurt to give them a bit more advance notice. Still, I was thinking of getting those out in September or October, which still would be plenty of time IMO.

True. Just shrugging or blowing it off is probably the wrong thing to do. You have to at least act like you give a crap, or so I hear.

THIS.
Mostly, I want his feedback because he has experience in event planning (student council president and all that jazz). That, and I've seen far too many weddings where it is clear that the entire spectacle reflects the bride and only the bride. (For example, watching my friend have his "first dance" to a country song when I knew he HATES country. That, and don't even get me started on groomsmen in pink. That's just cruel.) I don't want this to be "'Diva's Wedding (featuring Flashy Man)", I would like this to really be "Flashy Man and 'Diva's wedding."
Maybe I should invite Mel Pearson. Then he might get involved. (You think I'm kidding? He was pretty serious when the idea of inviting Russell came up once.)

 

[unofan]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

THIS.
Mostly, I want his feedback because he has experience in event planning (student council president and all that jazz). That, and I've seen far too many weddings where it is clear that the entire spectacle reflects the bride and only the bride. (For example, watching my friend have his "first dance" to a country song when I knew he HATES country. That, and don't even get me started on groomsmen in pink. That's just cruel.) I don't want this to be "'Diva's Wedding (featuring Flashy Man)", I would like this to really be "Flashy Man and 'Diva's wedding."
Maybe I should invite Mel Pearson. Then he might get involved. (You think I'm kidding? He was pretty serious when the idea of inviting Russell came up once.)

You may think that's what you want. But then as soon as he makes a suggestion you'll ignore it anyway. At most the guy gets to pick the lesser of however many evils you give him to choose from. And he might get to help pick the booze for the open bar, where available.

It's nice that you think otherwise, but we know how this works. His fault is simply not faking enough interest. You don't actually want him taking any initiative.

 

[goldy_331]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

I've received exactly one for all the weddings I've been invited to...

They were hoping you'd be too busy to attend....

 

[alfablue]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

For those of you unaware: Fellow poster Flashy Man and I got engaged in January, and we set a date for next June.
My little sister (and Maid of Honor) got a Save The Date card in the mail yesterday for a wedding that will be a few weeks after ours. Thus, she sent me a message asking me why we hadn't sent ours out yet. That led in to a question of a million other things that apparently need to get done RIGHTFREAKINGNOWOMG. I guess I'm doing something wrong by not having the entire thing planned out a year ahead of time. Forgive me that with recently moving 2 states away, getting a new job and a pretty much instant promotion, and trying to train for a race, I haven't devoted my entire existence to being a bride-to-be. That, and I seem to have this ridiculous idea that the groom should have some say in these things, and unless it has anything to do with a dude who will be coaching Tech Hockey this fall, he's not interested in hearing or talking about it. ("I don't know, we have a year yet to sort these things out" or a non-descript grunt and shrug is the best I can get out of him when the topic comes up.)
The St. Louis County Courthouse is 3 blocks from our apartment, and it's looking more and more tempting.

/rant.

Wait, so you are saying that you have not even decided on the names of the children that you and FM may or may not have??? Really?

And that these mythical kids don't have their entire childhood planned out from sport to sport all year round?

and that you have not planned for college of these mythical kids?

Get with the program, lady!





On a more serious note- my cousin sent me an invitation/save the date well after my wife and I had planned and paid for a big European trip.... This was his second wedding I would miss.... Probably the people who would have issues are probably ok with missing.

You'll be ok.

Oh, and let FM have ONE thing that's his alone at the wedding. At ours, it was the music. And not pretend. He'll like that. Mel would have fun....

 

[bigblue_dl]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

The only argument I could make in my sister's defense is that hotels and whatnot around where we're getting married book up super quick, especially that time of year. It might not hurt to give them a bit more advance notice. Still, I was thinking of getting those out in September or October, which still would be plenty of time IMO.



THIS.
Mostly, I want his feedback because he has experience in event planning (student council president and all that jazz). That, and I've seen far too many weddings where it is clear that the entire spectacle reflects the bride and only the bride. (For example, watching my friend have his "first dance" to a country song when I knew he HATES country. That, and don't even get me started on groomsmen in pink. That's just cruel.) I don't want this to be "'Diva's Wedding (featuring Flashy Man)", I would like this to really be "Flashy Man and 'Diva's wedding."
Maybe I should invite Mel Pearson. Then he might get involved. (You think I'm kidding? He was pretty serious when the idea of inviting Russell came up once.)

That sounds reasonable.

And from the guys point of view, a wedding is a wedding, I don't really think we care that much about the details, and in some cases we don't care about the bigger stuff. What will make him happy, and make him remember it as being a special day is seeing how happy you are, and being able to experience it all with you. Keep asking him, don't get too mad yet, its still too early along for that, for big decisions find some way to get his attention. When it gets closer, I'm sure the urgency will help get stuff done. And to Flashy, just make sure if there is something you don't like, or something you really want, let her know, you seem to have found the anti-bridezilla.

 

[goldy_331]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Oh, and let FM have ONE thing that's his alone at the wedding. At ours, it was the music. And not pretend. He'll like that. Mel would have fun....

I picked the cake! It was chocolate, not one of those hunks of white sugar they have at most weddings. It was awesome!

 

[nmupiccdiva]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

You may think that's what you want. But then as soon as he makes a suggestion you'll ignore it anyway. At most the guy gets to pick the lesser of however many evils you give him to choose from. And he might get to help pick the booze for the open bar, where available.

It's nice that you think otherwise, but we know how this works. His fault is simply not faking enough interest. You don't actually want him taking any initiative.

Huh. Who knew, some complete stranger knows all my inner workings? Methinks someone was forced to wear pink at his wedding. Sorry, honey, but not all of us are like that.

That sounds reasonable.

And from the guys point of view, a wedding is a wedding, I don't really think we care that much about the details, and in some cases we don't care about the bigger stuff. What will make him happy, and make him remember it as being a special day is seeing how happy you are, and being able to experience it all with you. Keep asking him, don't get too mad yet, its still too early along for that, for big decisions find some way to get his attention. When it gets closer, I'm sure the urgency will help get stuff done. And to Flashy, just make sure if there is something you don't like, or something you really want, let her know, you seem to have found the anti-bridezilla.

Thanks, bbdl.

 

[unofan]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

THIS.
Mostly, I want his feedback because he has experience in event planning (student council president and all that jazz).

You know what grinds my gears? People who neg rep me without signing it and say some pretty foul things in said rep.

I can't imagine why your fiance doesn't dare to give you his opinion.

 

[state of hockey]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

And from the guys point of view, a wedding is a wedding, I don't really think we care that much about the details, and in some cases we don't care about the bigger stuff. What will make him happy, and make him remember it as being a special day is seeing how happy you are, and being able to experience it all with you.

Pretty much. I'll stay as involved as she wants me to be, for I wouldn't want her to feel like she is doing ALL of the planning and that the day means nothing to me. I won't really give a crap about most of the decisions, though. I'd put my foot down about putting my buds in pink, but that is about it.

 

[alfablue]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

To prevent future gear grinding posts about gooms and their weddings, particuarly the date.

TAKE POSSETION OF ONE ITEM. And make that one item all yours.

You'll enjoy the day a lot more that way, and your bride will notice it.

 

[MinnesotaNorthStar]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

Nobody truly knows for sure where any bride to be will end up on the Bridezilla scale until it's crunchtime...

 

[leswp1]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

See rant in extra thread re all the fallderall regarding props that no one ever needed before wedding marketing took over. As to the Bride wanting everything her way- that is an awful lot of pressure to make all the decisions. It is nice to bear the burden of decisions together, not constantly thinking of what the other person might like. No matter how much someone says they don't care if you love them you want to anticipate what will make them happy. For that you need an opinion.

Have you tried making a list of things that you might like and asking him to reply in a few days? Mr is not an instant decision guy- he will take 15 minutes to cogitate about what he might want for dinner. Other stuff he has an immediate opinion. (I am sure men in pink would not need much thought). I have learned to ask stuff and then say I would like an answer later by a certain time. I get way more imput that way.

 

[MarkEagleUSA]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

I have learned to ask stuff and then say I would like an answer later by a certain time. I get way more imput that way.

That and a big ol' baseball bat right?

 

[leswp1]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

That and a big ol' baseball bat right?

I ask, some time later Mr answers. After 25 yrs I know what he is talking about but Lil is baffled and asks what the heck he is talking about suddenly.

 

[St. Clown]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

To prevent future gear grinding posts about gooms and their weddings, particuarly the date.

TAKE POSSETION OF ONE ITEM. And make that one item all yours.

You'll enjoy the day a lot more that way, and your bride will notice it.

I thought he was taking possession of the bride.

 

[jen]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

people who can't say no grind my gears. they say yes to everything, even things they have no intention of doing, and then bail at the last minute. guess what - you are not being nice by saying yes to everything, you're just making it harder on everyone else when you bail.

btw, the birds have been mysteriously quiet lately (maybe they ran out of things to talk about) and I did not even shoot them. hurrah.

 

[goldy_331]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

btw, the birds have been mysteriously quiet lately (maybe they ran out of things to talk about) and I did not even shoot them. hurrah.

That or the poisoned sunflower seed you put out for them.

 

[bueller]

Re: Grinding Away..Things that grind your gears, part three

To prevent future gear grinding posts about gooms and their weddings, particuarly the date.

TAKE POSSETION OF ONE ITEM. And make that one item all yours.

You'll enjoy the day a lot more that way, and your bride will notice it.

Bachelor party (you never said she'd notice it in a good way).