Dad jokes and Bad jokes. One in the same

[MissThundercat]

I was told to open a zoo, you need a couple of pandas, three grizzlies, and a koala.

That's the bear minimum.

 

[The Sicatoka]

A friend of mine had a cross-eyed girlfriend.
But they broke up; they just couldn't see eye to eye.
It's probably for the better: He's pretty sure she was seeing someone on the side.

 

[jericho]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

 

[MissThundercat]

Why do people spend upwards of $300 on a colon cleanse when Taco Bell will do it for less than $10?

 

[St. Clown]

There is a lot of truth in that.

 

[FadeToBlack&Gold]

Why do people spend upwards of $300 on a colon cleanse when Taco Bell will do it for less than $10?

So will undercooked chicken.

 

[LynahFan]

Why do people spend upwards of $300 on a colon cleanse when Taco Bell will do it for less than $10?

Way funnier than the version I heard: why do people spend upwards of $300 on a colon cleanse when it is medically unnecessary?

 

[MissThundercat]

Sex in an elevator is fun on so many levels.

 

[MissThundercat]

There are two wolves inside inside you. The furry convention is going well.

 

[SonofSouthie]

How come you didn't report your credit card stolen?
Because the thief spends less than my wife does.

 

[MissThundercat]

Because there is a 5th grader deep inside me:

5318008.

 

[LynahFan]

This one might be just for dx, but maybe some others of you are lurking out there.

There was a tragic crash of an airplane bound from Warsaw to JFK. When the investigators played back the cockpit tapes, they discovered immediately what had happened - as the plane approached JFK from the south, the pilot made an announcement that the Statue of Liberty was visible to the West, so all the Poles immediately moved to the left side of the plane.

 

[Kepler]

Because there is a 5th grader deep inside me

That's how Kathyrin Murray got into trouble.

 

[MissThundercat]

Punctuation matters.

I'm sorry I love you.

I'm sorry; I love you.

 

[MissThundercat]

As I get older, my excuses for why I can't go out with my friends get lamer and lamer, like "sorry I can't come out tonight, I ate a big bowl of pasta."

 

[LynahFan]

Laughing at this one not for myself, but many in my life:

Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on board?

Me: Yes, but I'm not that kind of…

Flight attendant: It’s 11:52 PM and the passenger in 37F has a conference abstract due in seven minutes. It’s currently 50 words over the limit.

Me: Everything’s okay ma’am. I’m here and we’re going to take good care of you!

 

[MissThundercat]

Someone was attacked by string instruments. It was a brutal act of violins.

 

[jericho]

I bought a new Tesla the other day, but instead of a new car smell it had an Elon Musk

 

[MissThundercat]

The girl mushroom asked the boy mushroom out because he was a fun guy.

 

[The Sicatoka]

This one might be just for dx, but maybe some others of you are lurking out there.

There was a tragic crash of an airplane bound from Warsaw to JFK. When the investigators played back the cockpit tapes, they discovered immediately what had happened - as the plane approached JFK from the south, the pilot made an announcement that the Statue of Liberty was visible to the West, so all the Poles immediately moved to the left side of the plane.

Happened to "S Airlines" on their famous S plane.
And instability happens when Poles move to the right hand side of the S plane; fix your heading and directions.

Signed,
Your Controls instructor