Antiwork

[MichVandal]

Neither one of the two things you identified are actually "flaws." You learned something at the event that you didn't previously know. Can you trust or depend upon the person that complained about his or her boss to you privately, but then sucked up to that boss at the party? Were they making those statements to you to see if they could get you to agree and say your own bad things about the boss? Are they a person who just says what they think others want to hear?

Me, personally I like to know if there is a reason not to trust someone, or something they might tell me, and you learned that about at least one of your co-employees.

As for them not sharing your interests, that might actually be a positive. Granted, it's a lot easier to hold a conversation with someone about something you both are interested in, but don't always look to take the easy way out. You might actually learn something interesting, or develop a new interest.

Seems to me that you are trying hard to justify these events.

Me, I'm glad I skipped them for about 25 years.

Sorry, but there are people who you work with who find them to be a colossal waste of time. Work should be a meritocracy, not one of cliques based on how people get together outside of work. I can tell you one thing, when you have friend cliques, people WILL be left out, and that will have an impact on work place environment and productivity.

For 5 years I tried. And even tried and shared things. In the end, all of that turned out to be a waste of time. I'd rather work during work hours and go home to spend time with friends and family outside.

 

[Slap Shot]

My brother is 5 years older. When I was 24 I was making my way up the ladder and was invited to an event where the company (Carlson Marketing) rented 2 large boats on Lake Minnetonka for what you could basically call a booze cruise.

He basically told me that since this was my first social work function that under no circumstances should I get drunk. He said if I follow his advice I will thank him later.

So I did just that mixing in water and slow-rolling any alcoholic beverages. A guy my age and in a similar spot let it all hang out and ended up hitting on just about every female executive he could corner.

On Monday morning he handed in his resignation. Now these parties had a preceding reputation for debauchery (early 90s and the 3 martini lunch was not that long ago). I mean we would fly business class to freaking Peoria on a moments notide for a 2-hour meeting without blinking.

At the owner's cabin there had been stories of execs crashing boats in the summer and snowmobiles in the winter so he probably assumed all things go.

Having witnessed it up close I learned very quickly the balancing act of how to enjoy a company retreat without being an a-hole. Or even a criminal. Sexual harassment was practically in its infancy then.

Ever since I've never shied away from said events even though I'm a complete introvert and loathe many of the attendees. But there's still some good that can be had including genuine bonding on occasion.

Luckily my work now is mostly freelance and these events are few and far between

 

[dxmnkd316]

I think you guys are looking at this all wrong, and hurting yourselves in the process.

Company social events are not designed to force you to become friends with your co-workers. They are designed to give you the opportunity to become friends with co-workers, to communicate differently with co-workers than by text or email, to develop relationships. And relationships are really important if you want to advance your career.

I'll use Cafe as an example. We've all probably drawn mental pictures of what posters look like, sound like, act like, or how they communicate. In some instances you might be dead on, but I guaranty that in others you'd be very surprised.

That is what company social events are about. They get you out from behind the screens and let you talk to people face to face. Human beings need that personal, direct socialization. You will benefit by it. Candidly, humans are getting worse at, mostly due to technology.

The other thing that it does is that it gives you a chance to show what kind of decisions you are capable of making. When people are encouraged to relax and have a good time, to you relax and have a good time or do you get drunk and make a pass at your boss?

The reason you all think it's stupid is not because it is stupid. It's because you're introverts, and it's hard.

I agree with this

 

[burd]

I agree with this

Yup.

 

[psych]

Person might be an alcoholic if s/he is getting so drunk at such an event that s/he takes a pass at the boss, so maybe avoiding such an event with (I’m assuming free) alcohol would be a good decision in the first place.

 

[Kepler]

Company social events are another way for the company to induce you to work hard for your coworkers, out of loyalty. This gives the company an advantage since they feel no ethical or moral responsibility for their employees, which are simply materiel.

The company wants you to follow your heart, while they are following cold equations.

Like the taboo against employees sharing salary information, it is another way to weaken your position relative to management and thus ownership.

Make friends with co-workers outside a work context. Base your friendship in part on mutual solidarity against the exploitation by the inhuman system you both find yourselves in.

 

[Deutsche Gopher Fan]

I haven’t had a work event with alcohol in a long time but when I attended anything I just viewed it as a way to get a free drink or a meal.

it’s been a long time since I’ve seen someone get too drunk at an event

 

[dxmnkd316]

Exactly. It's a free meal. Maybe you find some new friends. It's only a nefarious scheme if let it be. Or hate people. Whichever.

 

[Scarlet]

Sorry to let you know that there's a non zero amount of people who really hate those events. It's not your work that's the issue.

Huh? I’m sure there are people who hate these events. My point is I wish I was given the chance to love or hate them. I’m usually on the team planning them and having to work at them so I don’t get the chance to make that distinction.

 

[unofan]

I agree with this

I disagree with the premise that introvert = anti social. My wife and I attend plenty of work related social events even though we're introverts, because, well, attorneys have to do those things. It just means we need the next 2 (or more) evenings to ourselves to recharge the batteries. It also means we'd rather have a small group outing than a 100- person blowout, all else being equal, and the amount of recharging necessary afterwards will increase accordingly as the amount of handshaking increases.

Also, understanding that work social events are necessary and helpful for one's career doesn't mean they're somehow glorious opportunities with dear leaders. They still suck overall in comparison to non-work activities. To paraphrase Red Foreman, there is a reason is called a work event and not super happy fun time, because ultimately it's still something done as part of your job and not because you genuinely want to go. The people who try to overly sell them as FUN!!! are just as bad as the curmudgeons who never go.

But then I'm a work to live person, not a live to work one. I'm retiring the second I think I can comfortably do so, which will hopefully be roughly at 60 depending on health care access prior to being Medicare eligible and my daughter's post graduate educational aspirations. No farking way am I working a day longer than I have to.

 

[dxmnkd316]

I don't disagree with that either. I also don't think that's what hovey was saying. I think it was a lighthearted jab with some truth to it. It is possibly true that introverts don't like going because they're introverts.

Your statement and hovey' are not mutually exclusive.

 

[burd]

I disagree with the premise that introvert = anti social. My wife and I attend plenty of work related social events even though we're introverts, because, well, attorneys have to do those things. It just means we need the next 2 (or more) evenings to ourselves to recharge the batteries. It also means we'd rather have a small group outing than a 100- person blowout, all else being equal, and the amount of recharging necessary afterwards will increase accordingly as the amount of handshaking increases.

Also, understanding that work social events are necessary and helpful for one's career doesn't mean they're somehow glorious opportunities with dear leaders. They still suck overall in comparison to non-work activities. To paraphrase Red Foreman, there is a reason is called a work event and not super happy fun time, because ultimately it's still something done as part of your job and not because you genuinely want to go. The people who try to overly sell them as FUN!!! are just as bad as the curmudgeons who never go.

But then I'm a work to live person, not a live to work one. I'm retiring the second I think I can comfortably do so, which will hopefully be roughly at 60 depending on health care access prior to being Medicare eligible and my daughter's post graduate educational aspirations. No farking way am I working a day longer than I have to.

Yeah, but you have to socialize with Iowans.

 

[SJHovey]

I don't disagree with that either. I also don't think that's what hovey was saying. I think it was a lighthearted jab with some truth to it. It is possibly true that introverts don't like going because they're introverts.

Your statement and hovey' are not mutually exclusive.

Yeah, my post was not intended as an insult to introverts. If you look back at the personality test thread recently resurrected, you'll note that a few years back I posted that I, too, have been branded with the scarlet "I" by Mmes Myers and Briggs.

I'd like to be able to tell everyone that worker bees rule the world. That if you come to work, keep your head down, and perform your work brilliantly, riches will be your reward. It just isn't true.

If you follow that path, you'll be fine. There will always be a job for you. But the saying, "it isn't what you know, but who you know" isn't a canard. I'm not sure I could tell you how many different jobs or opportunities I've gotten in my life because of personal connections to people in a position to make it happen.

Everyone needs a mentor. Everyone needs a cheerleader, the person who in meetings when your name is being discussed speaks up on your behalf. Honestly I think that is a lot more likely to happen if they like you personally, and don't just respect your work or skill.

The other reason to attend these events is that eventually people reach that point in their career where they are called upon to build a team under them, to be the mentor or the cheerleader. One thing I can tell you I have learned in 60+ years is that brilliant and talented people working for you make your work life much, much better. These social gatherings can help you identify those people and recruit them to your team.

 

[FadeToBlack&Gold]

Should people attend these social outings if they want to advance within their company/firm? Generally, yes.

Should they be required to if they aren't comfortable (anxiety disorders, ADHD, etc.), or have no interest in management or sales (and many don't)? Absolutely not.

If you're hosting a company retreat, should there be options/activities for people to socialize and get to know coworkers that don't involve alcohol and/or tons of stimuli (Vegas nightclubs are definitely not a low-key cocktail hour)? Absolutely! Which was my original point. We had someone informally organize a board game night of their own accord as an alternative. That's cool, but coming up with things like that isn't something employees should have to organize completely on their own. At last year's retreat in Big Sky, granted due to the nature of the location, there were tons of (mainly outdoor) activities to partake in with coworkers during the afternoons. There was not even an attempt to formally organize or arrange such activities in Vegas.

 

[MissThundercat]

My agency does "team building days" every so often. The last one was elementary school crap which included dizzy bat races and eating whipped cream out of a bowl with your hands behind your back. There was also a lot of shouting and screaming. I inevitably ended up in a side room sobbing because it was too much, and a supervisor came and sat with me until I felt better.

I don't mind attending, but I've urged my employer to make these more sensory friendly at least.

 

[MissThundercat]

I interviewed for the Foster Care Case Manager position over two weeks ago and still haven't heard anything back. Attempts to reach HR have been futile.

On the flip side, I was encouraged to apply for Team Lead for our Developmentally Disabled and Cognitively Impaired house.

 

[Scarlet]

Just had a skip level call with the head of our team. She used to be my direct manager. Apparently we're due for another re-structure/reorg in our department but our team is apparently safe. I hate the uncertainty.

 

[Kepler]

Apparently we're due for another re-structure/reorg in our department

"Here are three envelopes..."

 

[dxmnkd316]

Just had a skip level call with the head of our team. She used to be my direct manager. Apparently we're due for another re-structure/reorg in our department but our team is apparently safe. I hate the uncertainty.

Sorry Scarlet. I know how you feel. It sucks hard.
Will be sending good vibes your way.

 

[Swansong]

We're on day 1 of a major go-live on one of the Epic systems I manage. The amount of "who moved my cheese" complaints is really something.