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A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

owslachief

owslachief

occupe toi de tes oignons
"How many picked-on group du jour does it take to change a light bulb?"
"Knock knock! (who's there?) ..."
"A diverse group of objects walk into a bar ..."
"What happens when you cross something A with something B?", said the geneticist with a sense of humor.

Because it seemed like "really bad puns" just weren't a good fit for these. Not as if these are any less painful, though :D.

Example:
How many thought police does it take to change a lighbulb?
A: There *was* no light bulb. Don't you remember??

Or whatever category has stood the test of time. Stuff like that.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Classics in the genre

"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?"
-- one, as long as the light bulb really wants to change.

"What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?"
- 'ell if I know


A dyslexic man walked into a bra.....


"Knock Knock"
-- who's there
"Nomar"
-- Nomar who?
"No mar of these, please!"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

The light bulb jokes where you can insert the schools of your choice:



How many Michigan students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At Michigan it takes five - one to screw it in, and four to loudly proclaim that he/she did it as well as any Ivy Leaguer.

How many Michigan State students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At Michigan State it takes 1000 - one to screw it in, and 999 to riot and set the building on fire.

How many Michigan Tech students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At Michigan Tech it takes zero, because they much prefer playing video games in the dark.

How many Ferris State students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At Ferris it only takes one, but he/she gets six credits for it.

How many NMU students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At Northern, it takes nine - one to screw it in and the other eight just screw each other in celebration.

How many CMU students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At Central it takes zero - they're all too hungover from the night before to change the bulb.

How many Oakland students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At Oakand it takes zero - they have Mommy and Daddy pay someone to do it for them.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

FadeToBlack&Gold said:
How many Michigan students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At Michigan it takes just one - he holds up the bulb and the world revolves around him.
Click to expand...

Alternate version.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Orange.

How many women on PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

CHANGE THE LIGHT BULB? OH, SO IT'S A "WOMAN'S JOB?!" TYPICAL MALE! I WORK ALL DAY AND NOW YOU EXPECT ME TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?! BESIDES THAT, YOU NEVER THANK ME FOR THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU! YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TONIGHT, HONEY!"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

-- How many [ethnicity-specific] mother-in-laws does it take to change a lightbulb?

"None, I'll just sit here in the dark. You go out and have a good time and don't even think twice about leaving me all alone sitting here in the dark, that's okay, I'm sure I'll find a way to get by somehow...."
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

How many New Jerseyans does it take to change a light bulb?

3. One to change it, one to witness it, and one to shoot the witness...
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

"Knock, Knock."
-- who's there?
"Little Old Lady"
--Little old lady who?
"I never knew you could yodel!"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

A blind man is sitting in a bar, and is about to tell a joke about blondes.

The woman sitting next to him says, "hey, I'm a blonde, and I work for the Department of Corrections. The woman on the other side of you is a blonde, and she is a professional wrestler. The woman behind you is a blonde, and she is a police officer. and your bartender is a blonde, and she is a weight lifter. Are you sure you want to tell that joke?"

He replies, "not if I'm going to have to explain it four times...."
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

A blind man picked up a hammer and saw....
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

In keeping with the college theme:

How many Oxford professors does it take to change a lightbulb?

CHANGE????!!!?!!?!?!!!?!!!


(possibly too inside, but hilarious to anyone who has literally filled out paper forms in triplicate and hand carried them to 3 different offices to get a library card. My favorite Oxford tradition is the Mallard Song, which is held once per century (so, only 6 times so far) - but it's a tradition!)
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

FreshFish said:
"What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?"
- 'ell if I know
Click to expand...

"What do you get if you cross an elephant with a poodle?"

-A dead poodle
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

An Irishman walks into a bar.

The end.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Big thumbs up for this thread.
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Met a French guy today. I asked him if he knew any German. He said no. I said, "You're welcome."

Adam was strolling around Eden, and came across an elephant. They exchanged pleasantries, and the elephant said, "I have a question. How do you breath through that thing?"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

Pirate walks into a bar, has a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
Bartender says, "Hey buddy, you know you got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
Pirate says, "Aye, 'tis drivin' me nuts!!"
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

What does a gay horse eat?

Hayyyyyyyyyyyy!
 
Re: A light bulb, a door-to-door jokester and a geneticist walk into a bar ...

I've got a great Ebola joke, but y'all probably won't get it.
 
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