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2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Did the committee ever get the go ahead to play the Futile Four during the arena demolition?
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

ALABAMA HUNTSVILLE CHARGES TO FINALS

Omaha NE. The Alabama-Huntsville Chargers stumbled their way past the spirited but undermatched Merrimack squad in this morning's first Futile4 semifinal, advancing with a well-earned 4-1 loss. Merrimack coach Mark Dennehy deflected the press' criticism of his team by praising UAH for their impeccable ineptitude "We battled, but they were clearly the worse team. Quite frankly, I don't see how that group managed to win two games this year."

Merrimack scored twice in the first ninety seconds, possibly aided by the fact that Charger goaltender Carmine Guerriero had tied the laces of his skates together. Once that error had been corrected, the game flowed with all the sluggish grace and elegance of a pregnant hippo, with neither team being able to successfully achieve possession in their opponent's zone until a flurry of activity midway through the third period.

Just after the second media timeout of that third period, four ceiling tiles from the condemned building fell near the Merrimack blue line, and UAH coach Mike Corbett became enraged when linesman Dave Carlson didn't call the play offside. "Our guy (Chad Brears who scored on the play) was off by a full stride, no way that goal should have stood." Corbett and Carlson stood nose-to-nose for several minutes while the game continued. Corbett calmed down after another of his Chargers numerous defensive breakdowns led to Hampus Gustafsson's nifty clearing pass, which deflected off the ceiling tile debris and stretched the Merrimack lead back to two goals.

Merrimack's Quinn Gould finished the scoring less than a minute later as his wide shot took a wild bounce of the duct-taped seam and ricocheted off the back of Guerriero's helmet before falling over the goal line. The Warriors end their season at 9-24-3, while the Chargers take their 2-38-1 record on to tomorrow's finals, where they will face Army (6-30-0) or Penn State 8-28-2).
 
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Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

ARMY TAKES ADVANTAGE OF PENN STATE'S INCONSISTANCY IN CONVINCING LOSS

Omaha NE. Guy Gadowsky is not a happy man. His Nittany Lions played just poorly enough through most of the season to earn the B1G automatic berth in the BFB, but their season was plagued by inconsistency, resulting in bad wins over Sacred Heart, Ohio State, Robert Morris (twice) and Michigan (three times, including in their conference tournament). The win that worried the Penn State coach the most, however was that 4-1 win over Army back on October 11. "As the season unfolded, and especially once we saw the BFB brackets being drawn, we knew we'd probably have to face Army again" Gadowsky lamented "we don't match up well against them, their lack of talent is just too deep."

Gadowsky's fears proved justified, as his Lions scored early and often against the Cadets in a 7-0 whitewashing. Penn State tried everything to slow their offense down, even playing the entire second period with the same line, centered by reserve goaltender PJ Musico. Musico scored once and added an assist with a clever deflection off his blocker.

The morning was not without the usual pageantry associated with the Futile4. Two street people with cardboard box beds and a Dollar Store shopping cart had taken up residence on the Army bench between the games. As the Omaha Parks and Recreation Department had declined to provide security for the rink, it was left to the players to coax these gentlemen out of the comparative comfort of their abode. They did, however seem to be reasonably pleased with a nearby dumpster, once they were escorted there by the Army team.

The last six minutes of the game were played in near darkness and without an arena clock, as the rink's electricity was turned off in preparation for the building's upcoming demolition. Luckily, clear skies prevailed and the sunrise streaking through several gaping holes in the walls and roof allowed enough light to complete the game.

Army coach Brian Riley had no comment for the press, his focus clearly centered on the task at hand, as his Black Knights (6-31-0) carry the Atlantic Hockey banner on to Sunday's BFB/F4 CHUMPionship tilt against the formidably inept Chargers of Alabama-Huntsville (2-38-1).
 
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In the absence of Smell-O-Vision, WGVU has offered to do the pregame broadcast and analysis from the highest pile of trash in the landfill.

Did any of this happen for the semi's? Any broadcast prospect for NC game? Sounds like playing around a few fallen ceiling tiles was not an issue, so trust that it is game on tomorrow.
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

FUTILE4 GAME OFFICIALS LOST IN SOUTH DAKOTA, GAME RESCHEDULED

Council Bluffs IA, Wagner SD. The scheduled finale for this year's Futile4 had to be postponed when the cab transporting game officials got lost on the trip to the arena. Veteran officials Howard, Howard, Howard and Fine left the Council Bluffs Motel 6 shortly after 8:30pm Saturday in a Checker-Cornhusker cab bound for the venerable Benson Ice Arena. Under normal conditions the ride ought to have been less than twenty minutes. Two hours later, the cab pulled into the parking lot of a flea market between Wagner and Yankton South Dakota.

When the cabbie, later identified as Osama Fah-Yousef, discovered that his passengers were unable to cover the $287 fare he drove off without them. After several unsuccessful attempts to reach BFB tournament officers and the arena by phone, the crew walked to a nearby roadhouse where they spent the next three hours playing keno and trying to pick up the barmaid. Tribal law enforcement from the Yankton Indian Reservation found the exhausted, disoriented and dehydrated crew wandering along a dry creek bed just after sunrise Sunday.

Local authorities arranged for the crew's transportation to the Greyhound bus terminal at Elk Point SD, at which point they were finally able to make contact with tournament management. Displaying an uncharacteristic efficiency, BFB management needed less than six hours to raise the cash for their return bus tickets. They are expected to arrive back in the Omaha area by 3pm Monday.

"Of all the contingencies we prepared for" said BFB spokesman Ashly Roachclip "losing the officials wasn't ever considered." There is a silver lining in this dark cloud, as the game will now be played in direct conflict with the NCAA basketball finals. "From a marketing standpoint, this couldn't have worked out better for us."
 
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Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Futile 4 officials seem to resemble the WCHA ref who got fired after calling "no goal" for the Badgers against Denver a few years ago--blind as a bat and totally out of touch with reality.

Obviously the committee picked an officiating crew with near perfect credentials.
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Futile 4 officials seem to resemble the WCHA ref who got fired after calling "no goal" for the Badgers against Denver a few years ago--blind as a bat and totally out of touch with reality.

Obviously the committee picked an officiating crew with near perfect credentials.

This is hockey, any ref would be perfect for this tournament.
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

I heard that one of the officials made a joke about "bombs" in the cab and that's why the Jihadist Cab driver left without them.
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

OFF-ICE DISTRACTIONS CONTINUE TO PLAGUE FUTILE4

Omaha NE. As Army and Alabama-Huntsville prepare for tonight's epic Futile4 title game, Omaha's storied Benson Ice Arena was abuzz with problems and controversy. Both teams took advantage of the two day delay by sending their uniforms out to be laundered, but a clerical error at Won Lon Dong's Laundry ended up sending both team's uniforms to a Goodwill Thrift Store, while the teams received the school uniforms from local parochial girls' high school.

Both teams took their pre-game skate in cute gold and green plaid culottes with white long sleeve oxford blouses, solid color vests and matching plaid scarves. The vests are reversible, and a coin toss determined that Army will be gold, UAH will be green.

The arena demolition project began early this morning, removing the north wall, both rows of bleachers and the glass on that side. The penalty boxes are also gone, replaced with a row of folding chairs nestled on the crumbled remains of the jack-hammered concrete floor. Arrangements also include the placing of eleven automobiles with their headlights on and facing the ice since the arena's electricity has been turned off. Naturally, ice conditions are nearly nonexistent.

Anticipation is building among the crowd of hapless bystanders, as the teams make their way back on the so-called ice. The NAMBLA Glee Club will be preforming tonight's national anthem, with a special overdub dance mix of "YMCA".
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

ARMY DOMINATES TERRITORIAL BATTLE BUT CAN'T CASH IN ON SCORING OPPORTUNITIES

One period is in the books here in Omaha, and it took exactly twenty minutes to do it. In what must have been the shortest elapsed time for any period in college hockey history, Army and Alabama-Huntsville leave the ice for the first intermission scoreless. Completing the entire period without a single stoppage of play as Army controlled the puck for all but one brief flurry.

Shots on goal favor Army by a count of 7-1, but Huntsville netminder Carmine Guerriero turned them all away with an unexpected efficiency. The only shot from UAH was actually a high bouncing clearing pass that would have gone for icing if it hadn't hit one of several fallen ceiling tiles and redirected toward the Army goal.

Charger defensemen Steven Koshay and Brandon Carlson played the entire period, as neither were ever able to get off for a change. Both had to be carried to the locker room at the period's end, as their team's trainer sent a fan to the corner grocery for bananas and fresh melons.

It was obvious to this reporter that the game officials have decided to "let the players play", as both teams made liberal use of their hands and sticks throughout the period. Both teams appeared to avoid the north side of the rink (the side where both team's benches are located) as that side has no glass, and the boards are loose, leaning inward and riddled with rusty nails.

Intermission entertainment, featuring a nude shuffleboard competition between the Maynard G Kreps Rest Home and the Retired Sisters of the Holy Rosary, is just getting underway. This is a sight you can only imagine!
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

TWO PERIODS, POLAR OPPOSITES, BUT STILL NO SCORE

How would you expect the Futile4 to follow-up a whistle-free first period? With a second period that lasted eighty-three minutes, saw eighteen icing calls, twenty-three off-sides, and at least a dozen delays for nets becoming dislodged. Play was also delayed for about three minutes when a pair of stray dogs wandered on the ice and mated near the gate to the Army bench.

Rapidly deteriorating ice conditions continued to hamper even the limited skills of these two teams that have skated to a combined record of 8-69-1 over the course of the season. While the linesman were busy throughout the second period, the referees continued to swallow their whistles and both teams gooned it up with sticks, fists and other dirty tricks, often behind the play. Frustration seemed to mount on both benches as frequent cross-checks, spears and knees went uncalled both ways.

Huntsville outshot Army 6-3 in the period, shortening Army's shot lead to 9-7 as the game remains scoreless through two periods. Despite UAH's territorial dominance in the period, the best scoring chance came when Army forward Willie Faust picked off a lazy pass at the top of his own zone, and had a clear breakaway, only to trip over the Huntsville blue line.

Second intermission entertainment is just underway with the Dodge Street Barbershop Quartet performing the greatest hits of Iron Butterfly, climaxing with the classic Inagaddadavida.
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Anticipation!?!
Will a goal or two be scored this period?
Or will there be multiple scoreless overtimes? Oh My, What will happen when the car batteries go dead?
AN-Tic-I-Pa=Ti-on
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

ALL COMMUNICATION LOST WITH BENSON ICE ARENA, FUTILE4 OUTCOME STILL UNKNOWN

The tension in Omaha's Benson Ice Arena was nearly unbearable Monday evening as the throngs of excited fans, estimated at nearly twenty, milled about in various stages of apathy; anticipating the anti-climatic third period of the Futile4 title game. Army and Alabama-Huntsville have skated and skidded their way through two ploddingly dull periods, and remained in a scoreless tie. Both teams had retired to their locker rooms, and the Dodge Street Barbershop Quartet was entertaining the crowd while a janitor hand-swept the remaining ice with a dirty broom.

The partially demolished building, lit only by the headlights of the seven cars who's batteries hadn't yet given out, was awash with the familiar aromas of sweat-soaked hockey gear, burnt popcorn and insecticide. BFB correspondent and telegrapher Fritz Catnip was just finishing an interview with Omaha dog warden Paula Pound, who offered an enthralling critique of the mating technique of the strays who had interrupted play in the second period.

At this point all communication with the arena were cut off.

No TV. No radio. No internet. No telegraph, telephone or smoke signals. No carrier pigeons. No telepathic patterns coming through to our nationwide network of ouija boards. Nothing.

For no apparent reason authorities were quickly dispatched to the Days Inn in Alpena Michigan, but their investigation brought no further information to light. There was speculation that there may be a connection to lingering effects of the 'virtual' Army team accidentally created by Princeton grad students for the Army-Princeton game in the west regional finals, but we admit there is no evidence to support this theory.

A hot air balloon from a suburban airfield will fly over the Benson Park area as soon as weather and wind patterns allow. We hope to have more information as the day unfolds.
 
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Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

RIVER BARGE REPORTS DEBRIS FIELD, BUT NO DIRECT LINK TO MISSING HOCKEY TOURNAMENT

A southbound coal barge reported sighting an oil slick and quarter-mile long patch of debris on the Missouri River about eight miles south of Omaha shortly after sunrise this morning. While there is no official confirmation from authorities, rumors of possible terrorist activity have been circulating on various blogs since just after midnight Monday.

Emergency teams from several federal, state and local agencies are thought to be on the scene or in route. A special investigative unit from the Shirley MacLaine School of Paranormal Psychology at nearby Creighton University has also been scrambled, but its unclear whether these activities are related.

Cloud cover over the metro Omaha area has hampered the air search, and local authorities are reluctant to approach the Benson Park area by land due to foul smells. Reports of a rancid stench in that area have been coming in from residents and businesses since Thursday, but initial reports were given low priority, as it was an expected byproduct of the BFB event.

More details as they become available.
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

I fear the same thing I fear happens every year with this thread - we all get sucked in, watching the site selection, team selection, regionals, etc. Then we get to the final game and "something" happens, and we never hear the resolution. If I remember correctly, this is at least the 3rd year in a row where the final game never finishes.

Maybe all the final teams got sucked into the same island from Lost. Maybe the guy who wrote the final Sopranos episode is a Futile Four fan.

Please, let us know how it ends!
 
Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

I fear the same thing I fear happens every year with this thread - we all get sucked in, watching the site selection, team selection, regionals, etc. Then we get to the final game and "something" happens, and we never hear the resolution. If I remember correctly, this is at least the 3rd year in a row where the final game never finishes.

Maybe all the final teams got sucked into the same island from Lost. Maybe the guy who wrote the final Sopranos episode is a Futile Four fan.

Please, let us know how it ends!
I agree with this view. We all really want to no which school is the Rutgers of college hockey!
 
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