2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

PENN STATE ENJOYS FAILURE AS INITIAL BIG-10 BFB PARTICIPANT

Louisville KY. The field is now set for the BFB East Regional finals, presented by Uncle Mo's Self-Serve Orthodontic and Dentistry Emporium. The Golden Griffins of Canisius put up a valiant effort, yet couldn't manage to cough up a three goal lead, defeating the Penn State Nittany Lions 5-4.

The contest was marred by the ugly spectacle of an unusually large BFB crowd of 37. Their raucous and rowdy behavior brought an energy rarely seen or appreciated at BFB events. It was later discovered that the majority of the crowd was a bachelor party who's limos had accidentally dropped them at Iceland Sports Complex instead of a nearby strip club known as "Rosie's Ta-Ta Tavern".

It was a sloppy game right from the opening face-off, as the expected ineptitude of both teams was compounded by ice conditions that were poor, even by BFB's dismal standards. The rink's Zamboni was ineffective in clearing a multitude of partially frozen vomit pools, left behind from the day's first contest.

Canisius took a 5-2 lead into the second intermission, and this reporter could sense the panic on their bench as the clock worked against them. Head Coach Dave Smith called his time-out just three minutes into the third period, and boldly pulled the goal-tender in favor of an extra water bottle. Some experts had questioned if any B1G team could prove themselves worthy of the BFB, but Penn State put those doubts to rest as they managed to score just twice with seventeen minutes of empty net.

Canisius shuffles back to Buffalo, their season ended at 18-21-3, while Penn State (8-27-2) will face Massachusetts Saturday night at 10:45 for the right to advance to the Futile4.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BFB NEWBIE TIGERS PROVE THEY BELONG IN LOSS TO NIAGARA

Westwood NJ. It has been a season of 'firsts' for the Colorado College Tigers program; first year in the new NCHC, first time their Weakness-Of-Schedule (WOS) numbers weren't skewed with games against Minnesota, and a first ever invite to the modern day BFB. Old-timers in Colorado Springs are still stinging from their exclusion from the 1993 event, when the Tigers finished 8-26-2, but in those days just eight teams made the field, and CC was not deemed worthy.

All those memories fade today as the Tigers were thumped handily by Niagara 8-1. Stymied by the unorthodox square corners of the Fritz Deitl rink, CC was never able to adjust from their traditional corner dump strategy, and routinely turned the puck over to the noticeably slower Niagara squad. Also contributing to their woes was the failure of the electrical circuit which fed the lights over the zone CC was forced to defend during the first and third periods.

While rink staffers made every effort to correct the issue, including the use of a smashed out penny as a substitute for a fuse, the north end of the rink was in total darkness. "Those are the breaks" lamented Niagara coach Dave Burkholder. "If you're going to advance in this type of environment, you've got to play through some adversity."

Colorado College will take their 7-25-6 record on to tomorrow's regional finals, while Niagara sees their season close with a disappointing 16-20-5 mark.

 

[SteveP]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

PENN STATE ENJOYS FAILURE AS INITIAL BIG-10 BFB PARTICIPANT

Have to spread rep first, but you have no idea how funny this is to me.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

CONFUSION REIGNS AS MIAMI IS NO-SHOW AT BFB REGIONAL

Westwood NJ. Miami University's team bus left Moscow Idaho just before 5pm Wednesday following their 'play-out' game with Dartmouth. No one has seen or heard from them since. "We are sailing in uncharted waters" remarked BFB spokesman Ashly Roachclip. "we don't know if we ought to be concerned about their safety, or genuinely ticked off at them."

The unprecedented failure of a team to show up left tournament officials in serious quandary. "We considered declaring a forfeit, but that loss would send Miami on to the next round...and we STILL don't know where they are." Numerous attempts to reach anyone associated with the Miami program met without success, until a janitor at the Phi Gamma Delta fraternity house answered Oxford's last remaining pay-phone about 3AM Saturday. He claimed to know nothing, even stating he was unaware Miami had a hockey team.

Tournament officials gathered at a nearby plasma donor center to raise cash and discuss alternatives. They decided to draft a team of street people and residents from a neighborhood half-way house to represent Miami. The makeshift team; without skates or gear, and sharing a total of three broomsticks defeated the Alabama-Huntsville Chargers 4-2. Huntsville coach Mike Corbert signed four of the victorious vagrants to national letters-of-intent immediately after the game. "They showed some real creative tenacity. And I can't help but believe some of these guys can really skate...once they actually have skates."

Alabama-Huntsville will put their 2-26-1 record on the line in Sunday's regional finals against Colorado College (7-25-6).

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BFB COMMITTEE DISCOVERS BRACKET ERROR, DECIDES TO DO NOTHING ABOUT IT

Council Bluffs Iowa. BFB headquarters at the Council Bluffs Motel Six were abuzz with activity in the wee-hours this morning after discovering that the Penn State and Princeton teams had each, apparently by accident, reported to the wrong regional locations.

Penn State was scheduled to play Holy Cross in the western regional at Ashland Oregon, while Princeton was slated to play Canisius at the eastern regional in Louisville KY. The error went undetected until the results from Louisville were reported. Penn State lost to Canisius 5-4, and the Princeton team was asleep in their bus at the Glenyan RV Park, just outside Ashland when officials called them with the news.

With no other feasible solution in sight, BFB has decided to redraw the brackets, allow Penn State's loss to stand, and go ahead with the Princeton-Holy Cross game.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

ARMY MOVES ON DESPITE BEMIDJI PROTEST

Ashland Oregon. Tempers raged in this normally quiet seaside village as a dispute over a goal spiraled out of control. After the Bemidji State Beavers and the Army Black Knights had battled to a 3-3 tie the game went to sudden death overtime. Just twenty-eight seconds into the OT, Bemidji forward Radoslav Illo appeared to score after a rebound deflected to him off the referee's ankle. Referee Asiago Sanchez, a forty year veteran of the venerable Mexico City Co-ed Hockey League, went down in pain from the initial shot, but signaled the goal 'good' from his agony ridden fetal position.

Beaver head coach Tom Serratore immediately protested that the goal had come off its moorings before the puck crossed the goal line, and asked for the play to be looked at on video replay. The Rotary Centennial Ice Rink, however, is not equipped with replay cameras. The only replay available was from the cell-phone of the goal judge, but he had fallen asleep. Serratone was livid, and had to be restrained by Cub Scout Pack 345, who served as color guard and rink security.

Illo and Serratore were both taken into custody for criminal trespassing, resisting arrest, and sodomy after a prolonged on-ice wrestling match with the scouts and their den mother Doris Heywither. Ms Heywither (who is eight months pregnant) was treated and released from Ashland Community Hospital.

Bemidji ends their season at 10-21-7, while Army (6-29-0) will advance the regional finals.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

PRINCETON ROARS IN RETURN TO BOTTOM-FEEDER-BRACKET

Ashland Oregon. Princeton is back! Once a BFB regular, the Tigers had fallen on hard times during the dismal days of the "Gadowsky Experiment". Their return from a nine-year BFB hiatus took another spectacular step today with a convincing 9-2 loss to Holy Cross in the western regional semi-final.

Princeton coach Bob Prier spoke with the press after the game, and continued the mantra of a coach trying to rebuild a perennial power to its rightful place "It's been a struggle to get back to this point. We've had to start from scratch. You've got to root out the over-achievers, recruit the wrong kind of kids and instill a culture of losing." Prier continued "These kids are smart, this IS the Ivy League, you know. This loss is a vindication of sorts, we're real proud of those seniors who stuck with the program through all this."

Princeton alternated goalies each time Holy Cross would score. The strategy seemed effective in disrupting any sense of continuity among the Princeton team. Paul Pearl was clearly disappointed in his Crusaders effort, yet tried to deflect the blame away from his players. "Deep down inside, I must admit, I didn't feel we truly belonged here (in the BFB). We're just going to have to work harder to get down to that level."

Princeton (6-27-0) will take on Army (6-29-0) for the regional championship Sunday.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

INTRIGUING MATCH-UPS FOR ALL 4 BFB REGIONAL FINALS

All four regionals are down to finals, beginning today at 3:00PM with the action from the backwoods of the UP.

Midwest; George Gipp Arena, Laurium Michigan. Presented by Dick's Pump N Munch

3:00 pm EDT Saturday
American International (10-26-1) vs. Merrimack (8-23-3)


East; Iceland Sport Complex, Louisville KY. Presented by Uncle Mo's Self Serve Orthodontic & Dentistry Emporium

10:45pm EDT Saturday
Massachusetts (8-23-5) vs. Penn State (8-27-2)


West; Rotary Centennial Ice Rink, Ashland Oregon. Presented by Oak Grove Midwifery

2:30am PDT (5:30EDT) Sunday
Army (6-29) vs. Princeton (6-27)


Northeast; Fritz Deitl Ice Rink, Westwood NJ. Presented by New Jersey Medical Waste Disposal

11:00am Sunday
Colorado College (7-25-6) vs Alabama-Huntsville (2-36-1)

 

[Snively65]

ARMY MOVES ON DESPITE BEMIDJI PROTEST

Ashland Oregon. Tempers raged in this normally quiet seaside village as a dispute over a goal spiraled out of control. After the Bemidji State Beavers and the Army Black Knights had battled to a 3-3 tie the game went to sudden death overtime. Just twenty-eight seconds into the OT, Bemidji forward Radoslav Illo appeared to score after a rebound deflected to him off the referee's ankle. Referee Asiago Sanchez, a forty year veteran of the venerable Mexico City Co-ed Hockey League, went down in pain from the initial shot, but signaled the goal 'good' from his agony ridden fetal position.

Beaver head coach Tom Serratore immediately protested that the goal had come off its moorings before the puck crossed the goal line, and asked for the play to be looked at on video replay. The Rotary Centennial Ice Rink, however, is not equipped with replay cameras. The only replay available was from the cell-phone of the goal judge, but he had fallen asleep. Serratone was livid, and had to be restrained by Cub Scout Pack 345, who served as color guard and rink security.

Illo and Serratore were both taken into custody for criminal trespassing, resisting arrest, and sodomy after a prolonged on-ice wrestling match with the scouts and their den mother Doris Heywither. Ms Heywither (who is eight months pregnant) was treated and released from Ashland Community Hospital.

Bemidji ends their season at 10-21-7, while Army (6-29-0) will advance the regional finals.

I like Serratore's feisty, never-give-up attitude.

But, Ashland being a 'quiet seaside village' reminds me of former Red Sox pitcher Oil Can Boyd's famous words, "What do you expect when they build a ballpark on the ocean?" when a game was postponed due to fog at the Jake in Cleveland.

I decided the skip a BFB Regional this year, follow the smoke signals via this thread, and save my pennies for the Futile Four (see other thread 'Why is attendance so low at the conference tournaments this year?').

 

[RPI fan 4 life]

I decided the skip a BFB Regional this year, follow the smoke signals via this thread, and save my pennies for the Futile Four (see other thread 'Why is attendance so low at the conference tournaments this year?').

You have to PAY to attend the Futile Four? I thought the sponsors paid YOU to attend.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

PURPORTED BFB BRACKET-BUSTER CONTEST EXPOSED AS FRAUD

Council Bluffs Iowa. In the week leading up to this year's BFB event stories have been circulating from multiple sources about a gigantic jackpot being offered to anybody who gets through the tournament with a perfect bracket. The contest was, supposedly, underwritten by a major nationwide pest removal service and promised a massive $19 payout from the vast wealth of Fab Morvan.

Morvan, best known as one half of the 80s/90s pop duo Milli Vanilli claims he knows nothing about the apparent hoax and doubts he could put $19 together in any case. More details would be forthcoming if we thought anyone was even mildly interested.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

MERRIMACK FIRST TO LOSE THEIR WAY TO FUTILE4

Laurium, Michigan. Merrimack's unexplainable lack of focus resulted in American International being awarded eighteen minutes of 5 on 3 power play in the third period, resulting in a 7-3 defeat. Neither team was skating or playing particularly well through the first two periods, and both teams had benefitted from their opponent's defensive lapses.

As the third period began with the score knotted at 2, the Merrimack bench became the site of chaos. Time after time the Warriors were whistled for having too many players on the ice. At one point they had twelve skaters in play. The situation was finally brought under control at 5:26 of the third period when two Warriors were serving penalties and thirteen others were in the box waiting for there to be room on the penalty clock for their penalty time to start.

The resulting five AIC power play goals, interrupted by one shorthanded Merrimack goal while Yellow Jacket goalie Hunter Leisner was taking a bathroom break, made the final 7-3. Merrimack coach Mark Dennehy was at a loss for words. "I can't explain it, and it certainly wasn't part of the game plan."

American International heads back home to Springfield, their season ending at 11-26-1. Asked if the string of two consecutive years with a double-digit 'win' total was cause for concern, head coach Gary Wright remained calm "I don't believe there is any reason for panic, we've got a terrible recruiting class coming in, and are certain we can return to our rightful place."

Merrimack falls to 8-24-3 and earns the trip to Omaha, where they will face the loser of the northeast regional; either Alabama-Huntsville or Colorado College.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

PENN STATE BACKS THEIR WAY IN TO FUTILE4

Louisville KY. Penn State took another historic step toward oblivion in a game that nobody seemed to want to win or lose. The Nittany Lions and the Massachusetts Minuteman stumbled their way through three periods of regulation and seven overtimes without a single shot on goal being recorded, before U. Mass. captain Connor Sheary lit the lamp at 4:27 of the eighth extra session.

Both eyewitnesses, including this reporter, were certain Sheary was offside by at least fifteen feet, but linesman Abram Yoder had fallen asleep. Yoder, a sixty year veteran of the Southern Pennsylvania Amish Hockey Association, defended his non-call "It was God's will."

Poor ice conditions, brought on by the untimely death of the squirrel who's treadmill powers the Iceland Sports Complex's ice plant, were thought to have contributed to the slow pace of play, and yet both coaches took it in stride. "Sure, the lack of ice was an issue" said Penn State's Guy Gadowsky "but both teams had to deal with it." "These are precisely the sort of obstacles you should have to expect in an event like this" added U Mass mentor John Micheletto.

Penn State becomes the first Big-10 team to qualify for the Futile4 in the modern era. They will take their 8-27-2 record on the road to Omaha next weekend where they will face the loser of the Army-Princeton game. Massachusetts season ends at 9-23-5.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

ARMY HEADED TO OMAHA AFTER BIZARRE 'VIRTUAL' LOSS TO PRINCETON

Ashland OR. Graduate students from Princeton's School of Engineering and Applied Sciences morphed projects in quantum electrodynamics and psychokinesis to create a 'virtual' team to take the ice against Army in the western regional finals this morning in Ashland Oregon. A holographic reincarnation of Albert Einstein replaced coach Bob Prier behind the Princeton bench, overseeing a lineup which included Princeton legends Hobey Baker, Woodrow Wilson, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Brook Shields, among others.

While the brilliance of the concept cannot be overlooked, there were collateral consequences for which the Princeton's failed to take account. First, other than Baker and Shields (who played field hockey in prep school) none of the 'virtual' team had any real-life experience with the game. Second, the process also created a 'virtual' Army team. The "West Point Virtual Cadets" included: Ulysses S Grant, Robert E Lee, George S Patton and Dwight D Eisenhower. While none of the Army players had any experience playing hockey, their tenacity and physical play kept the game close.

That aggressive, physical style eventually proved to be Army's undoing, as the cadets accumulated a staggering total of 456 penalty minutes. Princeton's abysmal power-play converted at a 1.61% clip (2 for 124) in the 2-1 victory. George Custer scored Army's lone goal, but he was killed (along with his line-mates) by a band of North Dakota fans who came to this tournament by mistake.

With the loss, Army (6-30) will advance to Omaha for a Futile4 matchup with Penn State (8-28-2). Princeton goes back to the drawing board, their season finished at 7-27.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

ALABAMA HUNSTVILLE RETURNS TO EARLY-SEASON FORM IN COMPLETE COLLAPSE

Westwood NJ. How could the Alabama-Huntsville Chargers recapture the magic of that tremendous fifteen game losing streak that started the 2013-14 season? How about losing the BFB northeast regional final to Colorado College 15-0.

"CC never had a chance to lose this game" said UAH coach Mike Corbett. "We were relentless in our pursuit of that regional title."

Down 8-0 at the first break, and 14-0 at the second, Corbett inserted USCHO fan forum regular and BFB cub-reporter gfmorris in goal. Morris stopped eight of the nine shots he faced in that third period. "He moves pretty well for a big guy. Too bad he's got no eligibility left". said Corbett.

Colorado College, making their first BFB appearance since 1988, seemed satisfied just to have had the opportunity to compete. "We're probably a year or two from being a true contender" said CC coach Scott Owens. "I'm glad our seniors had the chance to see this thing first hand."

The Tigers head back home to Colorado Springs, their season ended with a 8-25-6 record, while Huntsville takes their stellar 2-37-1 record on to the Futile4 in Omaha where they will face Merrimack.

 

[Snively65]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

So, no real surprises here, I guess, other than perhaps some of the lopsided scores, and the virtual game debacle between Princeton and Army. Realizing that none of these teams will be holding any practices, watching video of the opposition, etc, between now and the Futile Four weekend, hope that their sponsors insure that there are no more virtual games moving forward.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

hope that...there are no more virtual games moving forward.

The committee has considered passing a special by-law to prevent this from happening again, but tabled any possible action on the matter for consideration at a later date. We figured that now that those smarty-pants ivy-leaguers are out of the picture nobody else will have the resources to try it anyway.

 

[Andrew J Carter]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

MERRIMACK FIRST TO LOSE THEIR WAY TO FUTILE4

Laurium, Michigan. Merrimack's unexplainable lack of focus resulted in American International being awarded eighteen minutes of 5 on 3 power play in the third period, resulting in a 7-3 defeat. Neither team was skating or playing particularly well through the first two periods, and both teams had benefitted from their opponent's defensive lapses.

As the third period began with the score knotted at 2, the Merrimack bench became the site of chaos. Time after time the Warriors were whistled for having too many players on the ice. At one point they had twelve skaters in play. The situation was finally brought under control at 5:26 of the third period when two Warriors were serving penalties and thirteen others were in the box waiting for there to be room on the penalty clock for their penalty time to start.

The resulting five AIC power play goals, interrupted by one shorthanded Merrimack goal while Yellow Jacket goalie Hunter Leisner was taking a bathroom break, made the final 7-3. Merrimack coach Mark Dennehy was at a loss for words. "I can't explain it, and it certainly wasn't part of the game plan."

American International heads back home to Springfield, their season ending at 11-26-1. Asked if the string of two consecutive years with a double-digit 'win' total was cause for concern, head coach Gary Wright remained calm "I don't believe there is any reason for panic, we've got a terrible recruiting class coming in, and are certain we can return to our rightful place."

Merrimack falls to 8-24-3 and earns the trip to Omaha, where they will face the loser of the northeast regional; either Alabama-Huntsville or Colorado College.

My views to this forum this year have been sparse. However, I jumped into this tread on page 6, and it was here (#132) where I completely lost it. My eyes were tearing up so bad in laughter I couldn't see. I was roaring hysterically and my wife came running into the room wondering what was wrong. I'm OK for now.

 

[Terrier520]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

american international advances to midwest regional final

a locksmith's equipment malfunction allowed boston university to open a 4-0 lead in the first eight minutes of the game, and american international made it hold up for a 5-1 defeat. With the loss, aic earns the right to advance to tomorrow's regional title game against the loser of this afternoon's rit-merrimack tilt.

Just prior to scheduled game time, both teams found themselves padlocked and chained inside the rusting double-wide mobile home that was serving as the teams' locker rooms. While area locksmith and gynecologist aksel kristiansen was able to get bu's side of the trailer open, his last sawzall blade snapped while trying to cut through the siding on aic's side. The ragged hole was large enough to allow the coaches and most of the players to escape, but neither yellow jacket goalie could fit.

Tournament officials, concerned that further delay might mean missing this afternoon's happy hour at the moose lodge, insisted the game start at once. Bu assistant coach buddy powers said "the officials did what they thought they needed to do in order to keep this event the laughingstock its intended to be. We've got no hard feelings about the outcome."

aic head coach gary wright, the dean of bfb/f4 coaches, took it all in typical self-deprecating stride "we've been here before...you know, number one regional seed and all...you can't rest on your laurels...these are all bad teams here, and sometimes it takes a break like this in order to advance."

dammit you had to put us against a team named american... Again?

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

FIELD SET FOR 2014 FUTILE4

With the regionals completed, all eyes now turn towards Benson Ice Arena in Omaha for this weekend's 2014 Futile4, presented by NAMBLA. http://www.nambla.org/welcome.html "We couldn't be happier with Benson as a venue" says BFB spokesman Ashly Roachclip, "it's in really sad shape, has been un-operational for nearly two years, and is scheduled for demolition." Negotiations are still underway in hopes that demolition may actually begin while the Futile4 is in progress. http://www.cityofomaha.org/parks/images/stories/Benson Ice Rink Final to Present.pdf

All four teams are expected to arrive sometime Thursday afternoon, although the committee remains hopeful that some unforeseen crisis may delay their arrivals. All four teams will stay in their busses at roadside rests on Interstate Highways 29, 80 or 480. The exact locations are being withheld for security reasons.

BFB/F4 has set the following game schedule, but cautions they are subject to change when/if broadcast media become involved.

Semi-Final #1. Alabama-Huntsville (2-37-1) vs. Merrimack (8-24-3). Saturday April 5 2:15am CDT

Semi-Final #2. Army (6-30-0) vs. Penn State (8-28-2). Saturday April 5 7:45am CDT


***Fans are reminded that the semi-finals are a split session, and a separate ticket is required for each game. The committee further advises fans to buy their tickets in advance, as the ticket office at the venue will not be open on the weekend of the event due to the city of Omaha's desire to avoid overtime pay for staff. Tickets are available at BFB/F4 headquarters, Motel 6 at the I29-I80 interchange in Council Bluffs IA, from any NAMBLA member or from any registered sex offender in the greater Omaha area.

CHUMPionship. Sunday April 6, 11:05pm CDT.

Plans for post-tournament activities, including awards ceremonies and the traditional bonfire for the destruction of all records and correspondence related to the event are still pending. You can expect further announcements during the week.