Re: What The Fark 5: I Can't Believe This Happened!
I see the difference, and know that many are trying to change it. As I said, celebrate ALL as equal. I'm proud of who I am (who HAPPENS to be a straight white male). Do I hate others that don't conform? Hell no. Every time someone that is "different" (I stress the quotes) has a day, or parade, or whatever, it's pointing out they are different. To normalize something, stop pointing out differences. Embrace similarities.
Sure, that might be a pipe dream, but gotta start somewhere.
I know exactly how you feel because this is how I felt in my 20s. Since then I have changed my mind. I'm going to go through my thought process and maybe some of it will make sense to you. I'm not attacking you and I'm certainly not calling you a bigot because, like I said, I've been there too.
1. Difference isn't the problem -- hierarchies are the problem. Variety is the spice of life. An America bursting with all races, religions, ethnicities, and sexualities is a better place than a monochrome 1950s America where such differences were driven into ghettos. Let your freak flag fly, everyone. The snake in the garden has never been heterogeneity, but rank ordering people.
2. But there is an exception: historically privileged groups have to sit it out, at least for while. You want to know when the White March, the Male March, and the Straight March are? EVERY DAY!!! We run the world and we run America. We don't get to fist bump our identity because our identity has consisted for most of this nation's history with us giving anyone not like us the pointy end of the bayonet.
3. The dominance
still exists. With gays it's even written into the law. With non-whites and women it's in the persistence of racism and sexism that pollutes all of us, even the best of us. And these things have lethal consequences, they aren't just hurt feelings. The next time you feel annoyed you can't celebrate your whiteness have a run in with the police and celebrate your whiteness by not being murdered.
4. It is
very uncomfortable to be reminded that people like us put people not like us through hell. There is guilt there even though we personally didn't do it. That provokes resentment because we are doing our best. Take the sense of unfairness you are experiencing and now magnify it by a billion and attach real life consequences to it. And look around and see the people who stoke that resentment in whites. Do you really want to make common cause with them? See how easily a carefully calibrated exercise in grammatical logic hurtles downhill and becomes Us vs Them. That's where bigotry begins. Thar be dragons.
That's the best I can do. It wasn't an overnight transformation for me. My other advice is talk to lots and lots of people and think about what you can honestly tell them. Do you really want to tell black people and gay people and women
to their face that you think their pride celebrations are tarnished because you can't have one of your own? If you feel your cheeks pink with embarrassment at the thought of doing that then follow your instincts. There is information that your analysis is neglecting. The meaning of our actions is colored by context and history. It's not just variables where you can plug in x and y and play goose/gander. There are also conditions on those terms: history and also present prejudice that harmed and harms innocent people.
We were born with a really nice view of Life's Rich Pageant, which most others will never have. That is because we stand on the bodies of thousands of years of bigotry. We have directly benefited from that even though we didn't participate in it. Appreciate what you never earned. Give those who have been screwed a break. If they're p-ssed at you, understand. You don't have to let them take a swing at you. Just don't be a dick about it if they're grumpy.
They
should be.
