MinnesotaNorthStar
Minding the gap
Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!
There's no reason to ever bring it up...
There's no reason to ever bring it up...
Y'all are right. The worst that will happen is my buddy gets in a few "sloppy seconds" jibes. Life will go on.
If he's your friend that won't even happen. It sounds like more than anything, you have a problem with the fact that your buddy got "there" first.
If he's a true friend he's already made the "sloppy seconds" jokes...If he's your friend that won't even happen. It sounds like more than anything, you have a problem with the fact that your buddy got "there" first.
Yeah. There's a difference between some one-nighter and a girl you're "with." You don't really joke like that about a girl your friend's "with."
Well, since he's your friend, at least you know where he's been.![]()
I wouldn't go out of my way to make it a topic of conversation, but if things with you and your interest get serious, and you get to the point where you're meeting each other's friends, you need to be prepared for the fact that it will come up eventually.I've got another scenario for the brain trust. I've been seeing this girl for about a month now. Its in the that stage where it maybe heading for a relationship, but I still wouldn't use the g-word to describe her and I'm (as Almington mentioned above) assuming we aren't exclusive yet.
Now there are two buddies of mine who are part of a general social circle. One of them, S, decides to throw a party and invites people from other social groups he sort of hangs out with. I got there late, but by that time my other friend, D, had gotten a girls number. Over the course of the next two weeks he goes out with this girl twice and they have sex. I never meet this girl and don't even remember her name if it ever comes up.
Flashforward six months, and me, my current interest, and a number of other people are supposed to meet up for a bar concert. My Interest in I arrive separately and my friend, D, is already there with a few others (see where this is going). We're fairly far from the door when I see The Interest walk in and point her out. D turns to me and says "Remember 6 months ago, that girl I had sex with once, thats her".
Needless to say I'm not pleased, but at the same time really have no justifiable reason to be angry with two consenting adults acting on their own free will. By the time you're closing in on 30, everybody has a past, I just don't want to know about it. My buddy assures me the situation is over, they didn't really click, and haven't talked in months. The Interest has no idea I currently know and didn't spend much time if any talking to my buddy. Would a clear the air moment be the thing to attempt? I sort of feel like I would have to before this goes exclusive, but at the same time is it best to simply let things alone?
Clearly you have to have sex with your friend and then wait for the girl to mention something about her and him. And then afterwards you can say "Me too! We have so much in common!"
It'll only make the relationship that much stronger.
Not all guys are like you.
I totally disagree with Almington because your situation didn't seem like the casual dating scenario and it didn't sound like you weren't just looking for fun, it did sound like you wanted to pursue both women simultaneously and see how the chips fell. If that's the case saying you're not looking for exclusivity is false, you're just not looking for exclusivity in a week. Like Brent said to Boom, what's gained by it. If you're not exclusive and haven't had the talk, then expect women to be dating other guys and expect them to understand the same unless they're stupid.
If you were just looking for fun, then take Almington's advice 100% of the time to avoid crazy mcCrazytime.
Girl #1, the proverbial ball is in your court.
When we pass it to them, they do. But do they drop it when another girl they're competing against passes it?they always drop it when its in their court. ALWAYS.