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Really Terrible Puns, v 10

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

I started writing a screen play in hopes of selling it to be made into a movie. It was about a former CIA operative who's daughter gets kidnapped and sold as a sex slave while he goes to rescue her.
Unfortunately I found out that plot was taken.

Then I thought well, maybe the CIA guy could get kidnapped by the family of someone he killed earlier and his daughter could help rescue him.
But that plot was taken too.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

I'm at a reception, and a South African man of Dutch descent walks into the room. The person next to me sees him, rolls her eyes, and leans over to whisper to me "Don't get trapped in a conversation with him; that guy is such a Boer!"
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

I was at a party once, and I lost my watch. I looked over, saw some guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. So I walked over and punched him in the face, breaking his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

Charlie Brown and Snoopy were on a flight. Flight attendant walks up to them and says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve Peanuts on this flight."
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

Sheep dog: All 30 sheep are ready, farmer.
Farmer: But I only count 26.
Sheep dog: I know; I rounded them up.

This one is pretty baaad, even by my standards.
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

So you're a vegan, and that means you won't wear leather. Are you sure your opinion can't be suede?
 
Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

Teacher Arrested

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

...Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
 
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