Re: Mpls. Star Tribune: "What's Wrong with the Gohers?"
While I respect Gallant as a fan and a person...Goofus seems way more entertaining.
No question about it. Goofus is WAY more interesting. I suppose this is why more people watch things like "World's Scariest Police Chases" than watch CSPAN.
My golf partner and I have had alot of fun for years making references to Goofus and Gallant while playing...
Gallant arrives at the course early enough to warm up.
Goofus is still in the parking lot (trying to shove a whole case of beer into his bag) while the rest of his group waits on the first tee.
Altho Gallant's tee shot is not his best effort, he'll play it as it lies.
Goofus takes three mulligans, and still complains that he didn't have time to get loose.
Gallant uses the provided rake to clean up after himself in the bunker.
Goofus uses the bunker as his own personal litter box.
Gallant stands quietly out of view while his opponent putts.
Goofus strains to rip off a loud fart during his opponent's backswing.
Gallant gives the beverage cart girl a generous tip, as he knows she's working to pay her own way thru college.
Goofus drops a quarter on the ground hoping to sneek a peek down her top when she bends over to pick it up.
Gallant always takes time to replace divots and repair ball marks.
Goofus says "for what they charge to play here, they should be responsible for maintaining the grounds."
Gallant offers sincere congrats when his opponent hits a nice shot.
Goofus throws his clubs and shouts obscenities.
Gallant offers to help his opponent look for the ball he hit in the high rough.
Goofus runs ahead of the others so he can be sure to "find" his ball with a perfect lie.
Gallant knows the rules, and respects the integrity of the field.
Goofus carries 26 clubs, not counting his infamous 'foot wedge'
Gallant regularly inspects his grips for signs of wear, and replaces them as needed.
Goofus never owns clubs long enough for the grips to wear out. His clubs are usually broken or lost when he throws them in anger.
Gallant drinks plenty of water to keep hydrated, and takes along a couple of pieces of fresh fruit to keep his blood sugar and electrolites in balance.
Goofus is trashed at the turn, and hopes the clubhouse has some of those killer beef sticks and jalapeno poppers.
Gallant dosen't use tobacco.
Goofus chain smokes and leave a trail of butts whereever he goes.
Gallant keeps his cart on paths or in the properly designated areas.
Goofus short cuts thru greens, bunkers, tee boxes and puddles.
Gallant wears a collared shirt and clean, pressed slacks.
Goofus wears cutoff jeans and a "Twisted Sister" tank top.
Gallant wears a wide brimmed hat and always applies sunscreen.
Goofus wears a backward ballcap, and hopes that his new health insurance provider won't recognize what he calls "freckles" as pre-existing carcinomas.
To keep his equipment clean, Gallant carries two towels, one moist and one dry.
Goofus cleans his ball by sticking it in his mouth, them wiping it on his shirt.
Gallant promptly pays off all wagers at the end of the round.
Goofus always seems to have mis-placed his wallet.
Gallant calls his wife from the 19th hole to let her know when he'll be home.
Goofus has locked himself in the mens room, and is paying $4 a minute to a 900 number so he can listen to a total stranger tell him he's a "nasty boy".
Gallant strolls to his fine home just off the 4th fairway, where his loving wife and beautiful children anxiously await his arrival for supper.
Goofus stops at KFC to pick up dinner for he and his parents (he lives in their basement). Waiting at home for him is a deputy sheriff with a court summons to appear for failure to pay child support.
I am with skeeterman on this one, it was a fun article to read and I enjoyed every minute of it.
