Re: Michigan Tech Offseason Thread I: Not Winning and the ensuing drama.
With my sincere apologies to everyone involved, it's a Puck Daddy-style eulogy for our Huskies:
Eulogy: Remembering the 2010-2011 Michigan Tech Huskies
It was not supposed to end this way.
The Michigan Tech Huskies assembled at the burial place of their 2010-2011 season - a temporary shed which would hold the casket until the Houghton Country Cemetery grounds thawed out sometime in mid-July. A pall of smoke appeared to melodramatically blanket the air. It was actually just the latest Keweenaw snowfall which obscured everyone's vision.
"Might as well get started", said captain Brett Olson, hobbling forward on a pair of crutches, "Where's Coach?"
"I went to get him an hour ago, but his office was cleaned out and his car is gone", said assistant captain Bennett Royer, who jokingly added, "He probably thought we were going to lock him in here."
There were some chuckles, then a long silence.
It was a solemn scene of about 40; 28 players (half of them in a sling or cast), the assistant coaches, Mitch Lake, Dirk Hembroff and AD Sangreget. All five season ticket holders were hunched over their walkers. A few USCHO posters had inexplicably made the trip, and sat, drunkenly, on a nearby snowdrift. A battered '91 Econoline sporting a Tech logo idled noisily at the curb, waiting to take a half-dozen players to civilization for various surgeries as soon as the ceremony was over.
Everyone stared at their kneecaps, since their feet were invisible under all the snow. Three players attempted to spit their tobacco into a nearby can, but they all missed just wide. Everyone turned to co-captain Deron Cousens, hoping to follow his lead.
"Come on, Cuz!" said Ricky Doriott through a mouthful of Cool Ranch Doritos, "Brett's hurt, he can't do all the talking."
Cousens remained characteristically stoic.
"Alright, alright, let's try to put a positive spin on this", offered Royer. "We didn't set a new record winless streak. We made Denver, NMU, LSSU, and Mankato all look pretty foolish for not sweeping us. So as a team, we've got those going for us."
Everyone slowly nodded.
"Dorito, you did the impossible and scored a goal," Royer continued, "Kevin made SportsCenter, which made that goober Ian Marks pi
ss his pants."
Josh Robinson looked over at Genoe, "Jeff Frazee still managed to have an ECHL career, so don't worry about it man."
Robinson grinned as Genoe froze and began another panic attack.
Olson sighed, "Robo, you promised you wouldn't mention Frazee anymore. Somebody help Kevin into the van."
"IT WASN'T MY FAULT!!" yelled Genoe, as Corson Cramer ceased staring at the 1933 Gold Double Eagle he'd just gotten through TV mail order long enough to drag his fellow netminder into the back of the waiting infirmary.
“As for the fanbase, as always, they’ve handled this season well,” said Olson, gesturing with a crutch towards the USCHO contingent, who had just gulped the last of their KBC growlers, and were starting in on bottles of Everclear. "So, let's get it over with."
One by one, a pile of commemorative items were thrown into the casket - the fragmented remains of Jordan Baker's shoulder; DVD footage of Genoe's 190-footer; a can of Copenhagen; a copy of Eric Kattelus' permanent record; the collection of angry DMG letters to the editor; a cake of dust left from the cleaning of the national championship banners. Finally, the casket was closed, and the banner Mrs. MacD had knitted, "2010 Superior Showcase Champions", was draped over the top.
Olson knew that it was on him, the fearless leader, to come up with some closing statement that would sum up the season and bring it to an inspiring end. There was a long minute of silence as he tried to determine what was best, but finally, it hit him. He called over to the posters’ crowd.
“Well, season’s over. You got any extra Everclear?”
