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How to deal with annoying callers

T

The Sicatoka

Kicizapi Cetan
I have every phone line I have on "do not call" lists, but I'm still getting them.
  • The call that claims I called for information.
  • The Robot Voice tells me I R S will be filing suit.
  • The nice young man with the Mumbai accented English named "Larry" tells me he's from Windows Support.

So, how do you deal with them?

I've tried the epic Tom Mabe approach. I'm not as smooth as him but it was fun.

I tried my own spin on the Mabe theme one day: Instead of being the cops investigating the scene, I was cleaning up a scene. I told the 'boys' to "roll up the carpet and carry it down and put it in the trunk, but don't let anyone see you, and it's not my fault he's that heavy, just get it out of here. And find the casings." I asked the nice lady if she knew how to get blood stains out of curtains. She had no ideas, and nothing to offer on deodorants to cover the smell of recently released bowels.

I've wandered the "Windows Support" guy around a while and then asked where the key he was asking me to press was relative to the Apple key on my keyboard. (No, I'm not an Apple guy, but I'll claim to be one to harass those jackwagons. :D )

I really PO'd one one day when I told them they were lying to me and that lying is bad for their soul. I'm not sure why that one hit so well.

Other ideas or techniques to share?
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

I don't answer unless I recognize the number or I'm otherwise expecting a call momentarily.

If I don't recognize your number, you get declined and arrive at my voicemail. Once you're there, you get one chance to leave me a voicemail succinctly explaining 1) who the eff you are 2) why the eff I should return your call. Better make it a good one. Fail to provide satisfactory answers to both questions, or fail to leave a voicemail, or fail to be a carbon-based lifeform...welcome to my blocked number list.

The people in my life that need to get a hold of me already know how.

ETA: More tips:

- If a call ever asks you to press 1 or 2 or 0 or whatever to speak to a representative, don't do it, hang up. If you do, they know your number leads to a live body and they'll propagate it around.
- If the call claims to be from your bank or something, hang up and call your bank yourself.
- The "your car warranty is expiring" guy gets told I own a Bugatti Veyron. Or a 1983 Corvette.
 
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Re: How to deal with annoying callers

Twitch Boy said:
I don't answer unless I recognize the number or I'm otherwise expecting a call momentarily.
Click to expand...

That's not an option for me. I'm the last link in a technical support chain* that routes calls to my cell. The incoming number isn't corporate but instead the customer needing support. :(

*And they wonder why I'm spending extra time training engineers below me in that chain to handle more and more. ;)
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

I got one of the Windows Support boys to call me a f-king c--t once. Then it was my turn, and I wasn't nearly as kind. After that he didn't want to talk. They haven't called back since.

As for the Motor Vehicle Warranty Department, I told them that my 3-year old car had 144,000 miles on it, and that I lived down the street from a Toyota dealership. I should have told them I owned a 1996 Jeep Wrangler and let them figure it out.

I also had a Dish Network phone jockey ask me what I liked to watch on TV. My reply: "Porn". "Oh, that's great....wait, what?" "Yup. Got one on right now. Want to come over?" "Ummm..errrr...uhhh...."*click*. For some reason he didn't want to talk after that one, either.
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

My parents were having problems with calls on their landline for a while. So when my mom sees a mystery number she answered the phone with "Hola!" and an appropriate accent. If it's a human she doesn't want to deal with, she will just repeat "No Inglés!" several times. Usually realizing they won't get anywhere the caller will hang up.

That's a "humane" solution, although I choose to come up with the most racist and/or perverted thing I can think up. Robot calls are killing the fun though :mad:
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

"I tank you for calling. Kindly do the needful in adding me to your 'Do Not Call' registry."
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

I have not tried this one, but I like the idea of asking them for their bank routing number and bank account number so that I can wire them the money.

Alternately, hold the phone slightly away from my mouth and whisper loud enough to be heard, "are you able to trace where this call came from yet?? how long do I need to stall them?"
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

The Sicatoka said:
Other ideas or techniques to share?
Click to expand...

Be friendly and very politely tell them you will be right back and put them on hold. Typically they'll drop the line after 5 seconds (the Indian call centers will drop it instantly, they have a protocol) but sometimes they will hold. The operators are just work-a-day schmoes stuck with an awful job while looking for something better. Their metrics look better when their time connected goes up, so the smart ones will let the line stay open almost indefinitely to juice their numbers. But the sales per minute of the call center itself will plummet, causing the company to lose money and ever so slightly reducing the efficiency of the entire industry.

If enough people did it we would drive them all out of business.
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

mookie always tells them that the person can't come to the phone cause they currently svcking his kok
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

The Windows support guys are my favorite. I have two different responses that I use. The first is to just argue with the guy about not having any windows in my computer. I have windows in my house. I have windows in my garage. I have windows in my truck. I have windows in my car. I have no windows in my computer, and frankly I think this guy is crazy for thinking that.

The second one is to claim that I have four different computers in the house, I need to have him identify which one it is.

With the IRS guys, I like to just give them a made up credit card number. Sometimes I'll give them a number that has too many digits. I'll just keep making up digits until they stop me. Other times I'll give them a 16 digit Visa card number. In both instances they'll usually tell me the number didn't work, in which case I respond, "Here, let me make up another one and we'll try that."

If my wife is watching a truly terrible show on tv, I have tried Kep's method of just putting the phone down, usually next to the tv speaker.

I also used to believe that I should feel a little sorry for these people, but I got over that. Sure they're just schmoes trying to make a living until something better comes along, but they aren't stupid. Pretty sure they know they don't work for the IRS. They deserve every bit of aggravation we can heap on them.

As a funny aside, I know our local sheriff. One of the IRS guys called our sheriff with their scam, and of course used the old line that the local sheriff will be out any moment to take him to jail if he doesn't pay immediately. Yep, pretty sure that isn't going to happen.

Personally, when they make that threat to me, my response is usually, "hey, is it Tuesday? Tuesday is spaghetti night at the jail."
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

Someone told me to ask the "Windows Support" guys how long they've worked for Microsoft. (They don't, obviously.)

I have the perfect credit card number to use: 867 5309 634 5789
(Let's see who figures those out.)
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

You're a Tommy TuTone and Wilson Pickett fan?

You're also missing two digits from a credit card #.

*Edit* Well upon further review, a Diner's Club or Carte Blanche card only has 14 digits. But those start with a 3 or 5.
 
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Re: How to deal with annoying callers

My grandmother kept a toy whistle next to the phone and would blow it loudly whenever she'd get a call from a telemarketer.

The other day I got a call from a phishing scam who said they worked for my bank. "What a coincidence, I'm the loan manager there." Click.
 
Re: How to deal with annoying callers

to tell the truth, mookie no longer gets these. he signed up with some outfit called nomorobo.com or some sort. mookie's phone will ring once and then not again if the call is generated from autodial or some thing like that.
 
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