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Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

I hate admitting this, but some of the guys on the UND hockey team were practicing pickup lines on me one night. The best one I heard? "How much does a panda weigh?.... Enough to break the ice..." And then they were like "of course it works, he gets lots of notches with that" lol
 
Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

Plante26 said:
The best pickup line I've ever seen: My buddy walks up to a group of mostly Tech 4s and two fairly hot chicks (at tSports Garden) and says, "I'm getting drunk tonight. Who wants to be the one I regret sleeping with tomorrow morning?"

Sadly, it worked. As his 'wingman', I had to do my duty.....and jump on the grenade. Which was the other fairly hot chick. The other three Tech 4s ending up sleeping on the couches/recliners in the living room. We cooked them breakfast and kicked them out at 11:45 before the Packer-Viking game.:D

It still boggles my mind how guys that are assholes actually DO get laid all of the time.
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Ok, I have to stress: NOT ME. I WAS NOT INVOLVED. (I could have been, but decided against it).

Buddy brings home a girl. A 2nd friend is in the mix. She wants both. I decide I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch. 2nd guy comes down and asks me if I have a rubber. I say no, you're on your own. He says no, she wants you too. :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: I pass. He says fine.

Fill in the night's details, key word: fingercuffs.

Next morning, all 3 of the roommates of the house are hanging out, along with me watching the Vikes game. The guys both come down to watch the game. A little while later the girl comes down. One of the guys who uh, had his way with her asked, "I suppose you need a ride, huh?" She nods yes. He responds, "Ok, lemme finish watching this drive, and then I'll take you home."

So she stands in the doorway, while a living room full of guys (who know what happened the night before) watch the drive. 10 minutes later, when the Vikings score, Guy 1 decides to take her home.

Yeah.
 
Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

SiouxTechie said:
I hate admitting this, but some of the guys on the UND hockey team were practicing pickup lines on me one night. The best one I heard? "How much does a panda weigh?.... Enough to break the ice..." And then they were like "of course it works, he gets lots of notches with that" lol
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I just won $20.
 
Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

Brenthoven said:
Blowing a Feather Indian for cab money is not "winning."
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Don't transpose your trip in Houghton on me, *er.

Which reminds me of another story......

A guy I went to college with--his nickname was Rambo due to his Stallone-esque Rambo-style hair. We all were pretty sure he was gay, but never confirmed it. He was ALWAYS leaving the bar in Duluth and going to a gay bar in Superior because, as he claimed, "It's a GREAT place to meet chicks". Well, one night, he kept calling us around bar close looking for someone to drive over and pick him up due to a lack of cab money. We were wasted--as always, after bar close--told him to find his own way, and ended up throwing in a movie and eating our drunk food. Well, about 4:30 am, Rambo comes walking in the door looking REALLY drunk and REALLY skittish. We asked him how he got home, and he said--and I quote: "I caught a cab with two guys I met at JTs. You don't want to KNOW what I had to do to get them to give me a ride home."

To this day, he still won't talk about it. Every time we bring it up, he get p*ssed off and turns beet red. On a side note, his nickname is now Tranbo.
 
Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

Twitch Boy said:
I GOT A LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE! a
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Go ahead, we're listening and getting limbered up for the feats of Strength.

Plante26 said:
Agreed. On my mom's side, I've got about 17 cousins that are of drinking age. We usually pick a county bar to invade and take it over. Myself and one of my cousins (who has won her pool league multiple times) run the pool table and drink for free all night (playing for drinks). There's also a tavern league cab service that runs for free, so at bar close we have 4-5 cabs commandeered to run us all over tarnation.

Also, one of my cousins from Columbus used to be a Bengals cheerleader. She also usually drinks for free (for obvious reasons) and is the vocal point for the rednecks of Douglas County, WI. This brings us much amusement, as we get to hear pickup lines that haven't seen the light of day in YEARS. Last year, someone walked up and bet her $50 that he could make her breasts shake without touching them. She took the bet. The guy replies: "Meh, it's only $50".....and proceeds to grab her t*ts. :D
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Brazen arse balls of brass that would impress Zeus!!

Plante26 said:
She got the $50. Everyone was laughing so hard--including her--that she didn't slap him. She thought she had heard 'em all, but this one caught her off guard. Her now-ex-boyfriend, however, wasn't amused.

The guy was fortunate that a couple of my relatives knew him, it was about 1:30am, and we had all been at the bar since about 4:30. Otherwise, it was Plante26 relatives/significant others with a 4-1 ratio vs. the rest of the bar patrons. We're a pretty tight-knit family, and that wouldn't have been the first time tFamily had to throw down on Christmas Day. The other time.....well, long story......meh, I've got the time:

Christmas Day 2004. Some dbag walked by and grabbed my sister's arse. She turned around and slapped the guy--unfortunately, it was the wrong guy, but a buddy of the guy that did it. Now, my younger brother had about a half a liter of Korbel in him, and drops an F-bomb laced tirade on this guy about how he and his buddy are probably gay (big insult to a county hick) and that he hadn't had consensual sex since his last stint in the Douglas County jail. The bigger of the two guys walks up, slaps my bro's cocktail out of this hand and tells him to meet him outside. My brother--who was 2nd in the NAHL in penalty minutes in 2000-01 due to a short fuse--told him it was go-time right then, grabbed the guy (right flannel shirt sleeve, per standard hockey fighting operating procedure) and starts in with a flurry of right-handed bombs. Unfortunately, the guy he was throwing down with was a lefty, and landed a haymaker.....on the top of my bro's head. We heard his hand break.....it was one of the worst sounds I've ever heard. Meanwhile, the other guy jumps up and charges my bro. My cousin Neil--a former Marine--clotheslines the guy, and sends him careening down a set of four stairs.

The bartender started screaming, as she was the only person working the bar that night. The fight was dragged outside, and promptly ended with my brother head-butting a guy in the nose--which opened up like a faucet--and me opening the front door of the bar with the other guy's head. He turned around to come back at me, but realized that my entire family was standing behind me. All of a sudden, two GIRLS coming tumbling out the door. My cousin had started in on one of the dbag's girlfriends, and she broke HER hand punching the girl that was with the offending party. We went back into the bar after the three jumped into their 1980's rusted Suburban, and quickly tipped the bartender somewhere in the neighborhood of $150 (which broke down to about $4/person) so we could stay. The best part? Four fistfuls of hair we found on the bar floor that my cousin had ripped out of the other chick's head.
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Sounds like a scene out of Roadhouse, only as you guys as the Bouncers.
Plante26 said:
The last one that worked for me (aside from just pure Plante26 charm:cool: :D ):

"If I asked you out, you wouldn't hurt my already low self-esteem by saying no, would you?"

The best scheme I've seen: A group of my buddies were groomsmen in a friend's wedding (on a Friday) and didn't need to have the tuxes back until Sunday. They wore them out to the bar on Saturday night with one guy posing as the groom--who was ditched at the altar that afternoon. The surrounding cast were the supportive groomsmen. The pity party brought women to their table in DROVES.

They all got laid. I'd never seen anything like it--before or since.
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Like a Captain Morgan commercial...

That settles it. Plante26, can your family adopt me?? :D
 
Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

bigmrg74 said:
That settles it. Plante26, can your family adopt me?? :D
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You wouldn't be the first. We've got three different unrelated families that come to our family functions because they don't have any relatives or their relatives aren't very good people.

So long as you like having a few beers, shooting pool, playing poker during the family Christmas gathering and getting ripped on in jest, you'd fit in. Oh, and occasionally getting into a barroom brawl on Christmas Day.

Basically, the way you know the family doesn't like you: Everyone is really nice and polite to you.:D
 
Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

Plante26 said:
You wouldn't be the first. We've got three different unrelated families that come to our family functions because they don't have any relatives or their relatives aren't very good people.

So long as you like having a few beers, shooting pool, playing poker during the family Christmas gathering and getting ripped on in jest, you'd fit in. Oh, and occasionally getting into a barroom brawl on Christmas Day.

Basically, the way you know the family doesn't like you: Everyone is really nice and polite to you.:D
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Sounds perfect. How do I get on this list??
 
Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

Plante26 said:
Show up with a couple bottles of vino and rip on my cousins. That's about all. And most of the relatives are closer to Marquette than Duluth (Brule, Iron River, Superior, etc.)
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Vino: easy.

Making fun of people: I am a regular here, after all.

:D
 
Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

Plante26 said:
Stick it in your arse, 'Hoven. I'm married, you internet U.P. predator.;)
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I know you are. But in my mind, if you lived/were born in/were from WI, I have a feeling you'd pop up in the "Drunk Cheesehead Of The Day" thread at some point. :p
 
Re: Happy Ramachrismakwaazakahvus!

Brenthoven said:
I know you are. But in my mind, if you lived/were born in/were from WI, I have a feeling you'd pop up in the "Drunk Cheesehead Of The Day" thread at some point. :p
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Them's some strong words coming from a forklift driver whose hairline looked over his forehead, got scared and retreated faster than a French soldier.:p

And I can only ASPIRE to the greatness that is the DCOTD.:D
 
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