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Creative Personalized Insults

Re: Creative Personalized Insults

I hope Brent gets back to me. I need to know if I should pack by guns to bring with to the tailgate.
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

Nice. Two country boys are taking a leak off a high bridge. First guy says "Water's cold." Second one says, "And deep."

I look to Churchill for my favorite. Among many candidates, was the comment he made about his successor as Prime Minister: "An empty car pulled up, and Clement Atlee got out."

As to your favorite, as I recall it, they weren't "country boys." Thanks for protecting our delicate sensitivities.
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

Right, stuck in the middle with extremists of every persuasion taking pot shots at me from all angles.

I'm trying to figure out how to annoy all of them at once and then quickly duck just before they all pull the trigger at the same time, so that I am on the ground in the middle of a circular firing squad shooting over my head! ;)

I think mookie hs demonstrated how to annoy all sides in this. You just need to figure out when to duck...
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

I think mookie hs demonstrated how to annoy all sides in this. You just need to figure out when to duck...

If I were to use Mookie as my guide, I would probably duck before I began to speak....

I got the impression that Mookie was trying to re-enact that Monty Python skit in which the British developed a joke that was so funny, anyone who heard it would die laughing. They decided to use it as a weapon in WWII, except that it was so dangerous, they needed a team of translators to work on each word separately otherwise no one could finish the translation before they started laughing....
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

What's the difference between a speech by your least-favorite gasbag politician and a bucket of fresh hot steaming bovine excrement?

The bucket.
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

If I were to use Mookie as my guide, I would probably duck before I began to speak....

I got the impression that Mookie was trying to re-enact that Monty Python skit in which the British developed a joke that was so funny, anyone who heard it would die laughing. They decided to use it as a weapon in WWII, except that it was so dangerous, they needed a team of translators to work on each word separately otherwise no one could finish the translation before they started laughing....

Probably one of the best Monty Python bits:
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/8gpjk_MaCGM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

You don't frighten us with your silly knees-bent running around advancing behavior!
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

I heard a good spur-of-the-moment one yesterday.

From time to time I ride on a commuter train (reminds me of the train to Hooterville from Petticoat Junction which has nothing to do with the story....).

We are standing on the platform waiting for the train to come in, so that we can board it. The conductor makes us wait for everyone to get off first, and there is one scruffy-looking person going up and down the aisle looking for something. The conductor is getting really impatient with him, insisting he get off. The man keeps mumbling about "my book, my book, where's my book?" Finally he gets off and we start to board. One of the passengers says, "don't be too impatient with that fellow, he probably had not finished coloring it." Everyone chuckled or smiled, tension dispersed.
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

It was the immortal Groucho who said "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

Now this one is an instant classic. It's too bad that the set up takes so long before you get to the zinger, still, it is an eponymy (well, not literally...) for this thread....

If you live in a gated community, Rich Benjamin doesn't think much of you. A fellow at Demos, a liberal think tank, Benjamin spent two years living in various gated communities for research on his new book, "Searching for Whitopia: An Improbable Journey to the Heart of White America." Here's what he found:


No matter the label, the product is the same: self-contained, conservative and overzealous in its demands for "safety." Gated communities churn a vicious cycle by attracting like-minded residents who seek shelter from outsiders and whose physical seclusion then worsens paranoid groupthink against outsiders. These bunker communities remind me of those Matryoshka wooden dolls. A similar-object-within-a-similar-object serves as shelter; from community to subdivision to house, each unit relies on staggered forms of security and comfort, including town authorities, zoning practices, private security systems and personal firearms.

Residents' palpable satisfaction with their communities' virtue and their evident readiness to trumpet alarm at any given "threat" create a peculiar atmosphere — an unholy alliance of smugness and insecurity. In this us-versus-them mental landscape, them refers to new immigrants, blacks, young people, renters, non-property-owners and people perceived to be poor.


Except for the firearms, what Benjamin describes sounds a lot like the way your humble columnist lives--in a community of about 300 homes with 24-hour-a-day security that prevents outsiders from entering without permission. It is located in New York City and is usually referred to not as a gated community but as a doorman apartment building.

We don't know where or how Benjamin usually lives, but we'll bet a lot of the editors who worked on his Times op-ed--not to mention his New York-based publisher, Hyperion--also live in doorman apartment buildings. And we'll bet a Benjamin that they're parochial enough that it never occurred to them to question their own assumption that they're better than people who live in gated communities in Middle America.
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

Does that make C-SPAN the Liars' Channel?

Mostly when the politicians are speaking, not necessarily for the witnesses called before committees, though in some cases it may very well apply to the latter as well. :(
 
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