MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
To the South;
1 UNH
4 UMD
2 Dartmouth
3 Ferris State
1 UNH
4 UMD
2 Dartmouth
3 Ferris State
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Bottom Feeders 2022-23:
- Thread starter MissThundercat
- Start date
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
To the West
1 Vermont
4 Colorado College
2 Bentley
3 Princeton
1 Vermont
4 Colorado College
2 Bentley
3 Princeton
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
To the Midwest:
1 Miami
4 UMass
2 Brown
3 Union
1 Miami
4 UMass
2 Brown
3 Union
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
Miami's bus broke down near my apartment.
When asked if I could help get the team to Muskegon, I spit out my coffee and laughed so loud I woke the neighbors.
When asked if I could help get the team to Muskegon, I spit out my coffee and laughed so loud I woke the neighbors.
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
Results are trickling out of the Midwest.
Miami's bus broke down in Grand Rapids, MI. The Commish refused to offer Miami any assistance in getting to Muskegon, which led to Chris Bergeron turning red and calling Miss Thundercat several colorful names. Had Bergeron remained composed, the Commish might have called in some favors. Miami failed to make it to Muskegon in time, and the Commish sends Miami to the Midwest Regional Final. I hope UMass could afford the Museum of Art and the Public Museum a few blocks away.
Miami's bus broke down in Grand Rapids, MI. The Commish refused to offer Miami any assistance in getting to Muskegon, which led to Chris Bergeron turning red and calling Miss Thundercat several colorful names. Had Bergeron remained composed, the Commish might have called in some favors. Miami failed to make it to Muskegon in time, and the Commish sends Miami to the Midwest Regional Final. I hope UMass could afford the Museum of Art and the Public Museum a few blocks away.
John J. MacInnes
Coach Emeritus
Northeast Regional
(2)Anchorage vs (3)Air Force
As a gesture of good will, Air Force offered to fly UAA to Mount Washington. But Matt Shasby fell for a fast one by the by the Falcons, who dropped the Seawolves in Mount Washington KENTUCKY. When they didn't show up for faceoff, Nimbus the Cat immediately DQ'd them and awarded the win to the cunning Frank Serratore. UAA advances, but still has to get to New Hampshire. Nimbus has declared that all players will have to play with a personally delivered hairball in their gloves as a punishment
(1)Wisco vs (4)MSU
As a known enemy of Miss Thundercat, Tony Granato assumed he was off the hook for showing up after being broomed by the Badgers. However, the Commish sent word that Wisconsin would be penalized for his absence. The teams made a side bet - if MSU won no one would call them "Sparty" as a collective nickname anymore (as in "Sparty has the forecheck working here tonight") and if UW won the same went for calling them "Bucky". Motivated highly by this, the Green and White didn't even need the goal they were spotted for Granato's no-show. With a convincing 9-goose pump job, they advanced "Bucky" to the regional final.
(2)Anchorage vs (3)Air Force
As a gesture of good will, Air Force offered to fly UAA to Mount Washington. But Matt Shasby fell for a fast one by the by the Falcons, who dropped the Seawolves in Mount Washington KENTUCKY. When they didn't show up for faceoff, Nimbus the Cat immediately DQ'd them and awarded the win to the cunning Frank Serratore. UAA advances, but still has to get to New Hampshire. Nimbus has declared that all players will have to play with a personally delivered hairball in their gloves as a punishment
(1)Wisco vs (4)MSU
As a known enemy of Miss Thundercat, Tony Granato assumed he was off the hook for showing up after being broomed by the Badgers. However, the Commish sent word that Wisconsin would be penalized for his absence. The teams made a side bet - if MSU won no one would call them "Sparty" as a collective nickname anymore (as in "Sparty has the forecheck working here tonight") and if UW won the same went for calling them "Bucky". Motivated highly by this, the Green and White didn't even need the goal they were spotted for Granato's no-show. With a convincing 9-goose pump job, they advanced "Bucky" to the regional final.
John J. MacInnes
Coach Emeritus
South Regional
(1)New Hampshire vs (4)Minnesota-Duluth
UNH almost caused a derailment of the MARTA line near Herndon Stadium when they tried to save a buck and take the train there, not knowing there was no stop and having to throw all their players and gear off while still in motion. Duluth found a bunch of band uniforms from Morris Brown College that were left over from the filming of the awful Nick Cannon movie Drumline, and tried a little team bonding exercise in learning an HBCU routine. Eleven players were injured trying to re-create the on field moves. With both teams barely able to field a legal roster, a proposal was made to allow a local bum to just point to which team should advance. The bum gestured wildly towards the Wildcats, and then revealed himself to be Alaska Governor Mike Dunleavy. UNH goes to the regional final.
(2)Dartmouth vs (3)Ferris State
Finding out that Herndon Stadium was used as the stand-in for the field in We Are Marshall, Big Green coach Reid Cashman rented a copy of the movie to look for anything he could use to his advantage. He proposed to FSU coach Bob Daniels that they leverage the historical use of the stadium for their game. BFB administrators did them one better, issuing each team field hockey equipment since the venue was used for that sport in the 1996 Olympics. Dunleavy declared himself the referee for the game, and showed an idiot savant knowledge of the sport by constantly penalizing Dartmouth for using the back side of their sticks. Ferris used a corner play and a penalty stroke to score twice and advance the Big Green to the regional final.
(1)New Hampshire vs (4)Minnesota-Duluth
UNH almost caused a derailment of the MARTA line near Herndon Stadium when they tried to save a buck and take the train there, not knowing there was no stop and having to throw all their players and gear off while still in motion. Duluth found a bunch of band uniforms from Morris Brown College that were left over from the filming of the awful Nick Cannon movie Drumline, and tried a little team bonding exercise in learning an HBCU routine. Eleven players were injured trying to re-create the on field moves. With both teams barely able to field a legal roster, a proposal was made to allow a local bum to just point to which team should advance. The bum gestured wildly towards the Wildcats, and then revealed himself to be Alaska Governor Mike Dunleavy. UNH goes to the regional final.
(2)Dartmouth vs (3)Ferris State
Finding out that Herndon Stadium was used as the stand-in for the field in We Are Marshall, Big Green coach Reid Cashman rented a copy of the movie to look for anything he could use to his advantage. He proposed to FSU coach Bob Daniels that they leverage the historical use of the stadium for their game. BFB administrators did them one better, issuing each team field hockey equipment since the venue was used for that sport in the 1996 Olympics. Dunleavy declared himself the referee for the game, and showed an idiot savant knowledge of the sport by constantly penalizing Dartmouth for using the back side of their sticks. Ferris used a corner play and a penalty stroke to score twice and advance the Big Green to the regional final.
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
Midwest Regional Brown v Union:
In an unfinished apartment structure with no cooling facilities, Brown and Union were forced to play with boots instead of skates. The Commish, not wanting to tolerate nonsense, said anyone giving her shit would be forced to go to Drip Drop Drink a few blocks away and bring her coffee. Union Coach Josh Hauge vigorously protested and was sent for coffee, and then when he came back with a latte, Brown was awarded two goals. Andrew Seaman later in the 3rd banked one off a pile of bricks and in, bringing the deficit to 2-1. However, with 3 minutes to play, Matt Sutton offered Union goaltender Merek Pipes a pint of Unruly Brewing's Revel Rouser. While Pipes was enjoying himself, Thomas Manty tapped it in and Brown won, 3-1.
Midwest Final: Miami vs. Union
Miami made it to Muskegon finally and found the site. Chris Bergeron found Miss Thundercat and proceeded to call her a "f---ing b----" several times, which resulted in Union being awarded 7 goals. Half of Miami's roster complained about the site, and while they were complaining, Andrew Seaman would add one to make it 8-0 Union. Chris Bergeron continued to complain, and while he was getting the Commish three black coffees, Carter Korpi would barrel over Logan Neaton and end it 9-0 Union.
Miami gets to turn around and go to Grand Rapids for the Futile Four.
In an unfinished apartment structure with no cooling facilities, Brown and Union were forced to play with boots instead of skates. The Commish, not wanting to tolerate nonsense, said anyone giving her shit would be forced to go to Drip Drop Drink a few blocks away and bring her coffee. Union Coach Josh Hauge vigorously protested and was sent for coffee, and then when he came back with a latte, Brown was awarded two goals. Andrew Seaman later in the 3rd banked one off a pile of bricks and in, bringing the deficit to 2-1. However, with 3 minutes to play, Matt Sutton offered Union goaltender Merek Pipes a pint of Unruly Brewing's Revel Rouser. While Pipes was enjoying himself, Thomas Manty tapped it in and Brown won, 3-1.
Midwest Final: Miami vs. Union
Miami made it to Muskegon finally and found the site. Chris Bergeron found Miss Thundercat and proceeded to call her a "f---ing b----" several times, which resulted in Union being awarded 7 goals. Half of Miami's roster complained about the site, and while they were complaining, Andrew Seaman would add one to make it 8-0 Union. Chris Bergeron continued to complain, and while he was getting the Commish three black coffees, Carter Korpi would barrel over Logan Neaton and end it 9-0 Union.
Miami gets to turn around and go to Grand Rapids for the Futile Four.
John J. MacInnes
Coach Emeritus
NORTHEAST REGIONAL FINAL
(1) Bucky Wisco vs (2) Anchorage
Nimbus personally hacked up hairballs into the gloves of all Seawolf players once UAA arrived at Mount Washington. As a result, they decided to all play with bare hands. This was a bad choice for goalie Nolan Kent, who broke his glove hand making a save and then had his other hand skated over in the ensuing scramble for the puck. Bucky resorted to stick hacking anyone within reach and soon the Anchorage players all had bloody stumps trying to hold their own twigs. Yet somehow, UAA was still in the game in the third period after Cameron Rowe continued to give up bad goals while Nimbus gave him the evil eye. Bucky finally wrapped it up with an empty net goal that was later discovered to be not a puck but a blood clot.
Anchorage "advances" to the Futile Four.
(1) Bucky Wisco vs (2) Anchorage
Nimbus personally hacked up hairballs into the gloves of all Seawolf players once UAA arrived at Mount Washington. As a result, they decided to all play with bare hands. This was a bad choice for goalie Nolan Kent, who broke his glove hand making a save and then had his other hand skated over in the ensuing scramble for the puck. Bucky resorted to stick hacking anyone within reach and soon the Anchorage players all had bloody stumps trying to hold their own twigs. Yet somehow, UAA was still in the game in the third period after Cameron Rowe continued to give up bad goals while Nimbus gave him the evil eye. Bucky finally wrapped it up with an empty net goal that was later discovered to be not a puck but a blood clot.
Anchorage "advances" to the Futile Four.
John J. MacInnes
Coach Emeritus
SOUTH REGIONAL FINAL
(1) New Hampshire vs (2) Dartmouth
The Granite State rivals met far from Hanover or Durham to try and avoid a trip to the Deltaplex. Having yet to recover from their incident jumping off a moving MARTA train, the Wildcat players were few and far between on their bench. But Governor Dunleavy had another ace up his sleeve - he required all players to move only backward and wear their helmets the same way. The Dartmouth players kept stumbling over their own skates, which was a positive for Mike Souza who ordered his few available players to sweep the puck like curling brooms. They managed one bumbling goal and it was enough to win the game and the new Nimbus Hairball Trophy.
Dartmouth "advances" to the Futile Four.
(1) New Hampshire vs (2) Dartmouth
The Granite State rivals met far from Hanover or Durham to try and avoid a trip to the Deltaplex. Having yet to recover from their incident jumping off a moving MARTA train, the Wildcat players were few and far between on their bench. But Governor Dunleavy had another ace up his sleeve - he required all players to move only backward and wear their helmets the same way. The Dartmouth players kept stumbling over their own skates, which was a positive for Mike Souza who ordered his few available players to sweep the puck like curling brooms. They managed one bumbling goal and it was enough to win the game and the new Nimbus Hairball Trophy.
Dartmouth "advances" to the Futile Four.
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
West Regional:
MissT showed up Hawthorne, CA after a week of traveling, and received a phone call from Todd Woodcroft complaining about everything. The Commish wasn't in the mood, so she awarded CC 25 goals and advanced Vermont to the West Regional finals.
MissT showed up Hawthorne, CA after a week of traveling, and received a phone call from Todd Woodcroft complaining about everything. The Commish wasn't in the mood, so she awarded CC 25 goals and advanced Vermont to the West Regional finals.
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
Princeton, upon learning this mall was closed and there wasn't a Hot Topic or Spencer's, decided to leave.
The Commish caught them and ordered them to play in their street clothes. Being woefully unprepared for this, Josh Latta charged the open Princeton goal and while Ian Murphy tried to block him, a shot went off Murphy's arm and in.
Princeton advances to the West Regional final against Vermont.
The Commish caught them and ordered them to play in their street clothes. Being woefully unprepared for this, Josh Latta charged the open Princeton goal and while Ian Murphy tried to block him, a shot went off Murphy's arm and in.
Princeton advances to the West Regional final against Vermont.
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
West Regional Final:
Todd Woodcroft had continued a barrage of insults against MissT, so she made him stand in goal for Vermont. With no pads and no glove.
Princeton had no issues lighting up the coach, and won 12-0. MissThundercat only called the game because she was out of coffee and had no one to get it.
(MissThundercat has a heavy work schedule, but will try to have the Futile Four and Championship up in two weeks. )
Todd Woodcroft had continued a barrage of insults against MissT, so she made him stand in goal for Vermont. With no pads and no glove.
Princeton had no issues lighting up the coach, and won 12-0. MissThundercat only called the game because she was out of coffee and had no one to get it.
(MissThundercat has a heavy work schedule, but will try to have the Futile Four and Championship up in two weeks. )
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
Busy few weeks for MissT.
Futile Four Game 1: Vermont vs. UAA
The DeltaPlex was open; and several Karens and Beckys descended to lecture the teams on how to be super rich in a week with Herbalife, Younique, and Beachbody. Todd Woodcroft was very upset and called MissT again to complain. Again, MissT wasn't having it and ordered Vermont to start down 6-0 against Anchorage. Carter Long managed to get one in to make it 6-1 UAA, but for the rest of the game, Nolan Kent didn't see a lot of action as Vermont struggled to get out of their own zone. The game would end 6-1 and Vermont would advance to the finals.
Futile Four Game 2: Miami vs. Dartmouth
Frank Anzalone was here and managed to get into a screaming match with Chris Bergeron. MissT, fresh out of coffee and out of patience with screaming coaches, ordered Bergeron to Ferris Coffee for a large West Coast Blend with 3 raw sugar and a splash of oat milk. Bergeron protested and attempted to swing on MissT, but MissT stepped out of the way and put him in a restraint. MissT then ordered Anzalone to start the game with Bergeron trying to wrestle out of MissT's surprisingly strong grip. Miami forward Jack Olmstead dribbled one past Mikey Roberts, but Anzalone never saw it due to the MissT and Bergeron fight. No goal. After the fight broke up, Olmstead got in again on Mikey Roberts, and again scored. That's how it would end with Miami winning 1-0 and Dartmouth advancing to the championship.
Futile Four Game 1: Vermont vs. UAA
The DeltaPlex was open; and several Karens and Beckys descended to lecture the teams on how to be super rich in a week with Herbalife, Younique, and Beachbody. Todd Woodcroft was very upset and called MissT again to complain. Again, MissT wasn't having it and ordered Vermont to start down 6-0 against Anchorage. Carter Long managed to get one in to make it 6-1 UAA, but for the rest of the game, Nolan Kent didn't see a lot of action as Vermont struggled to get out of their own zone. The game would end 6-1 and Vermont would advance to the finals.
Futile Four Game 2: Miami vs. Dartmouth
Frank Anzalone was here and managed to get into a screaming match with Chris Bergeron. MissT, fresh out of coffee and out of patience with screaming coaches, ordered Bergeron to Ferris Coffee for a large West Coast Blend with 3 raw sugar and a splash of oat milk. Bergeron protested and attempted to swing on MissT, but MissT stepped out of the way and put him in a restraint. MissT then ordered Anzalone to start the game with Bergeron trying to wrestle out of MissT's surprisingly strong grip. Miami forward Jack Olmstead dribbled one past Mikey Roberts, but Anzalone never saw it due to the MissT and Bergeron fight. No goal. After the fight broke up, Olmstead got in again on Mikey Roberts, and again scored. That's how it would end with Miami winning 1-0 and Dartmouth advancing to the championship.
MissThundercat
Are the cis okay?
Bottom Feeders Championship: Vermont vs. Dartmouth
Woodcroft, after having his team advance through the Championship due to his boorish behavior, kept silent for this one. MissT ordered week old refreshments from St. Mark's Episcopal Church to feed the teams and Eric Gotz and Robbie Stucker vomited at center ice. MissT and Anazalone, knowing there was no one to clean it up, agreed to keep the game moving. Meanwhile, Joey Musa and Ryan Sorkin raced to the bathroom and would not be seen for the remainder of the game. With the smell of um... "universal precautions" permeating the arena and time winding down, Tucker McRae would push the puck through various piles of vomit and past Gabe Carriere for the game winner.
2023 winner: Vermont.
Afterwards, Todd Woodcroft came up and started yelling at MissT some more, but she splashed hot coffee on him and told him to keep the empty cup as a trophy. Due to the repeated verbal abuse, Vermont will start the 2023-24 season ranked at #1 and Woodcroft is personally responsible for keeping the commissioner stocked up on coffee.
Woodcroft, after having his team advance through the Championship due to his boorish behavior, kept silent for this one. MissT ordered week old refreshments from St. Mark's Episcopal Church to feed the teams and Eric Gotz and Robbie Stucker vomited at center ice. MissT and Anazalone, knowing there was no one to clean it up, agreed to keep the game moving. Meanwhile, Joey Musa and Ryan Sorkin raced to the bathroom and would not be seen for the remainder of the game. With the smell of um... "universal precautions" permeating the arena and time winding down, Tucker McRae would push the puck through various piles of vomit and past Gabe Carriere for the game winner.
2023 winner: Vermont.
Afterwards, Todd Woodcroft came up and started yelling at MissT some more, but she splashed hot coffee on him and told him to keep the empty cup as a trophy. Due to the repeated verbal abuse, Vermont will start the 2023-24 season ranked at #1 and Woodcroft is personally responsible for keeping the commissioner stocked up on coffee.