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Bottom Feeders 2022-23:

We also spoke with some Duluth area convenience stores and they will happily give us week-old bean burritos, Tornados, hot dogs, and decaf coffee. Those will be on the same boat as the Commish, and the boys from each team need to ask the Commish before they can eat.

Meanwhile, the Commish will be eating some good brunch from the area's best greasy spoons.
 
MissThundercat said:
Our teams:

1. Wisconsin
2. Bentley
3. New Hampshire
4. LSSU
Click to expand...

Incredibly Bottom Feeder Unfair. Wisconsin and LSSU have a decided home advantage for being near to Lake Superior. Of course, that will be overcome by the conditions. These games should be being played as we speak, for the weather is perfect for anything which has to do with bottom feeders.

Someone took a slap shot, but the wind was so strong that the puck ended up in the lake. This was a clear delay of game penalty, as scuba gear had to be procured in order to get the puck back. Not to mention that the resident cat who was serving as referee wasn't going near the water herself, so someone else (local moose from the island?) had to do the dirty work....
 
1 Wisconsin v 4 LSSU

Tony Granato showed up and immediately started screaming at MissT, who ignored him and continued to sip her coffee. MissT had no time for his foolishness, so she immediately attributed the game winning goal to defenseman Bryan Huggins. Wisconsin advanced to the finals.
 
3 Bentley vs 2 UNH
UNH hopped the Canadian cargo freighter Harvest Spirit from Soo Ontario and arrived in Thunder Bay to look for the hidden boats to Isle Royale. Any time advantage they thought they were getting was eaten up by customs agents who red taped the Wildcats so long that they were late getting to the game site. When they arrived, they found they had traveled in an unapproved vessel without the requisite RFID chip.

Miss ThunderCat informed them from the deck of the USCGC Spar that Bentley had been awarded the win, and despite her conflict with Tony Granato she was spotting the Badgers a goal in the NoWinS title game. When Mike Souza protested, she threw her cold coffee at him and demanded he return to Canada for a fresh pot.

UNH advances, and trails 1-0 before that game begins.
 
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Mike Souza has not returned with a fresh coffee within the allotted time. Wisconsin has been given another goal.

UNH vs. Wisconsin!

With the game starting 2-0 Wisconsin, UNH only dressed 5 skaters. Apparently, week old bean burritos will do things to a team. UNH forward Jake Sweeney, who was one of the few to get dressed for UNH, distracted Wisconsin goalie Kyle McCLellan with a fifth of MD 20/20 and while the goalie took a sip, got the Wildcats to within 1. After 50 minutes of nothing, Jake Dunlap of UNH told Jack Gorniak of Wisconsin his mom's ass was so big, it looked like two pigs fighting over a box of Milk Duds. Dunlap and Gorniak started fighting. While the fray ensued, Miss Thundercat was looking at cat pictures on her phone, and Wisconsin forward Brayden Morrison fired a shot from the opposite end of the ice that went in.

The game would end 3-1 Wisconsin, giving UNH the 2023 NoWins Championship.

After the game was over, Mike Souza returned with hot coffee and was presented with the trophy, a pair of gold-plated hockey sticks on top of an inverted trash can. Souza attempted to throw the trophy at MissT, but he missed.
 
The Commish has decided that because Mike Souza threw a temper tantrum and threw the NoWins Cup directly at her, UNH will be ranked no lower than 4th going into this year's March Malaise.

JJM, what say you?
 
After Tony Granato screamed at me during the NoWins, Wisconsin will also be ranked no lower than 4th going into March Malaise. In fact, JJM, I might just lock Wisconsin and UNH in at 1 and 2.
 
MissThundercat said:
After Tony Granato screamed at me during the NoWins, Wisconsin will also be ranked no lower than 4th going into March Malaise. In fact, JJM, I might just lock Wisconsin and UNH in at 1 and 2.
Click to expand...

I serve at the pleasure of Miss Thundercat on the Bottom Feeder staff. What she says goes.
 
The Commish is pleased to learn the wind chill on Mt Washington reached -108F recently and is hoping to generate similar conditions for that regional.
 
The standard Mt Washington site notwithstanding, it's time to determine the other site for "Reject Regional" sites.

Nominations will be accepted. Locations already under consideration are:

Beaver Island, MI
Embarrass, WI
Truth or Consequences, NM
Noone, NH
Sugar T.i.t, SC
Toad Suck, AR
Skiddy, KS
 
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