Re: Bottom Feeders 2019-20: Timely Results Are For That "Other" Tournament.
Midwest Regional: Isle Royale
Your commissioner, huskyfan, and Frank made it after a 2 day trip on a jet ski. At least Jet Ski Guy didn't get lost. However, huskyfan whined about Frank the entire trip. Upon getting off the jet ski, the Commish told huskyfan and Frank to can it and help unload the Save A Lot version of Chunky Soup. Frank brought a gun for hunting, though we told him park rangers would have none of it. huskyfan and Frank have not listened to the commissioner, and are arguing about who drinks the best beer. There was no time to rest after a two day journey, so we got right into action.
Game 1: Return of the Mack vs. Alternate Reality Miami
We all got off the jet skis, walked to the camp site, and found Lake Desor still frozen. We told Frank to set up trash cans on the lake about 200 feet away from each other; he stopped at 175'. huskyfan put cases of Corona where the red lines were, since we were told we couldn't paint the ice when we got there. Scott Borek of Merrimack asked if he could have a Corona; Frank barked at him that it was HIS beer. Not to be intimidated, Borek grabbed a bottle and opened it in front of Frank. Chris Bergeron of Miami also snuck a Corona, and the game got underway.
On the opening face off, Ryan Savage of Miami won and tried to score. The puck sailed over Jere Huhtamaa's head and down the lake 50 more feet. Frank, in between sips of Corona, told teams to chase after it, because that was the only one he brought. Tyler Irvine of the Mack skated and got the puck; when he tried to come back, his skate got stuck in the ice and he tripped. Chase Pletzke of Miami decided to be a jerk, take the puck, and bank it off Huhtamaa's back and into the trash can. Frank allowed it, and it was quickly 1-0 Miami. After Irvine managed to get back to his feet, he also had a Corona, then whipped the bottle off Pletzke's head, shattering off his helmet. huskyfan was aghast and tried to clean up the glass, but Commissioner Amber Marie pulled her back. That's how the period would end, 1-0 Miami.
In the second period, Bergeron tried to yell at Amber Marie, calling her an idiot, moron, putz, and a homo. Miss Amber can be called an idiot, but she draws the line at homo. She decked Bergeron in the back of the head, then dumped her Death Wish on his head. As if that wasn't enough, she pulled him off the bench so he could make her MORE coffee. While this was going on, Chase Gresock picked up Frank's gun and killed a gray squirrel that was near the Merrimack "bench." Park rangers caught wind of this, and gave Gresock a hefty fine, payable before Merrimack left the island. "Where am I going to get $3,000?" he moaned. While that was going on, Declan Carlile of Merrimack fired it past Ryan Larkin to make it 1-1. That's how the period would end.
In the second intermission, Borek wanted another bottle of Corona, so did Bergeron. They started talking, and realized they had a lot in common. "Did we just become best friends?" Frank was visibly upset they were drinking his beer, so he pulled out a KBC Widow Maker, skating up to them and saying this was the best beer and they were drinking garbage water. The coaches had enough of Frank, so they dumped their beer on his head. Frank tried to give them 2 minutes each for some unexplained penalty, but they both decided not to serve it.
In the third period, there was more chaos and confusion, as huskyfan and Frank got into a shoving match at center ice, and they were both smashing bottles of Corona on each other. In the chaos, Ben Brar got the puck and a bottle of beer, lazily skated up to Larkin, and offered him a sip. "Thanks, buddy!" While Larkin was taking a swig, Brar put the puck past Larkin to give Merrimack a 2-1 lead. That's how the game would end, and Merrimack would be leaving Isle Royale, once Gresock pays a $3,000 fine.
