2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BREAKING NEWS FROM MOSCOW PLAY-OUT GAME

Due to the length of the previously mentioned parade, game time has been delayed to 4pm MDT (6pm EDT), and we don't care if this is an inconvenience to anybody.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

MIAMI EARNS REGIONAL BERTH IN WILD IDAHO PLAY-OUT GAME

Moscow Idaho. Smoke signals from a butte near the Palouse Ice Rink tell the story of a WILD game that saw a BottomFeededBracket record 80 goals scored, as the Big Green of Dartmouth defeated the Miami RedHawks 41-39.

Every member of both teams, including goalies and equipment managers scored at least one goal, and four players (two from each team) recorded hat tricks. BFB site reporter Seymour Butz thought something looked odd when he arrived at the rink shortly before the drop of the puck, but couldn't figure out what was wrong until the score was already 6-5 Miami, less than eight minutes into the first period. It was only then he noticed they were using soccer goals.

According to rink manager/game warden/pastor Freddy 'Big Sack" Johnson the hockey goals had been sent out last week for fresh paint and new netting, and were not returned in time. "We didns't even know we was hostin dis here 'vent till day fore yestday" explained Johnson. "The rink were sposed to close fur da season afer las weeken, so we sent them goals out. No idear where they be at now." Quick thinking from bystanders saved the day as one remembered there were goals on a nearby soccer field, and the fire department was called to move them over to the rink.

Dartmouth's back-up goaltender James Kruger, who came on to start the third period after starter Charles Grant passed out from exhaustion and dehydration, scored the empty netter that sealed the deal with 4.2 seconds remaining.

Miami advances to the Northeast Regional at Westwood NJ where they will face the Alabama-Huntsville Chargers at 3:05 AM Saturday. Assuming they don't hit any traffic or weather problems, their bus should make the 44 hour drive with nearly five full hours to spare.

 

[vizoroo]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

May I commend the Committee for putting Redhot/hawk Coach Blasi on notice he couldn't throw the game. (Yes, I know he did try to ditch the festivities for that Lady GaGa shindig.)
I would also congratulate Malayasia Airlines for only missing the state of Idaho by a few hundred miles. I was afraid they might head for Moscow, Russia. Guess they wouldn't have enough fuel.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BFB REGIONAL PAIRINGS AND TIMES ARE NOW SET

Northeast Region: Fritz Deitl Ice Rink, Westwood NJ
1. Alabama-Huntsville
2. Colorado College
3. Niagara
4. Miami

2 v 3 Friday 11:45pm EDT
1 v 4 Saturday 3:00 am EDT
Final Sunday 11:00 am EDT


East Region: Iceland Sports Complex, Louisville KY
1. Sacred Heart
2. Princeton
3. Canisius
4. Massachusetts

1 v 4 Friday 4:30pm EDT
2 v 3 Friday 8:00pm EDT
Final Saturday 10:45pm EDT

Midwest Region; George Gipp Arena, Laurium MI
1. American International
2. RIT
3. Merrimack
4. Boston University

1 v 4 Friday 9:30am EDT
2 v 3 Friday 12:30pm EDT
Finals Saturday 3:00pm EDT

West Region; Rotary Centennial Ice Rink, Ashland OR
1. Army
2. Holy Cross
3. Penn State
4. Bemidji State

1 v 4 Saturday 3:30 am PDT
2 v 3 Saturday 6:45 am PDT
Final Sunday 2:30am PDT

REMEMBER; LOSERS ADVANCE, WINNERS GO HOME

 

[alfablue]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

That northeast region looks to be a toughie- with two nacho teams in it.

Seems like one may want to consdier swapping, say Miami, with, perhaps BSU. Take some time to think about it. Based on the timing, if you wait until late tonight, that will give the Red Hawks at least 30 odd ours to return to the Pacific Northwest. then again, Bemidji does need to get to New Jersey by Friday....

Assuming the teams are already on their way to the regions, it still makes some sense to re-seed and align the teams. It's only more time on the bus, afterall.

 

[beaverhockeyfan]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

That northeast region looks to be a toughie- with two nacho teams in it.

Seems like one may want to consdier swapping, say Miami, with, perhaps BSU. Take some time to think about it. Based on the timing, if you wait until late tonight, that will give the Red Hawks at least 30 odd ours to return to the Pacific Northwest. then again, Bemidji does need to get to New Jersey by Friday....

Assuming the teams are already on their way to the regions, it still makes some sense to re-seed and align the teams. It's only more time on the bus, afterall.

BSU can't go to New Jersey. If they did, they would be taking on their conference rival.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Ditto what beaverhockeyfan said to alfablue.

As much as the committee would LOVE to continue to mess with Miami, we can't send Bemidji to New Jersey, as that would create a first round matchup between conference mates.

We realize Bemidji and Huntsville don't like each other, so perhaps they'd like to meet up somewhere and rumble...but that would have to be done outside the confines of the BFB/F4 structure.

 

[alfablue]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Oh, well, I missed that. Figured it would be at least good to bring up.

Perhaps when Miami shows up on the New Jersey turn pike, we can exchange BU with them, and send them up to Larium. At least they would spend some time driving familiar roads.

 

[aparch]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Depending which route Miami is bussing, the Illinois Tollway ... I wish I could make this up... Has lanes reduced on I-90 tonight, along with 15 minute complete tollway shut downs scheduled until early morning. Right about when Miami would be rollin through. (2am-ish)

Unless they stopped a few times, then by my estimate... They'll be driving through Chicagoland during the early morning rush hour. (5:30 to 10am)


Genius, whoever scheduled the bus route.

 

[alfablue]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

MIAMI EARNS REGIONAL BERTH IN WILD IDAHO PLAY-OUT GAME
According to rink manager/game warden/pastor Freddy 'Big Sack" Johnson the hockey goals had been sent out last week for fresh paint and new netting, and were not returned in time. "We didns't even know we was hostin dis here 'vent till day fore yestday" explained Johnson. "The rink were sposed to close fur da season afer las weeken, so we sent them goals out. No idear where they be at now." Quick thinking from bystanders saved the day as one remembered there were goals on a nearby soccer field, and the fire department was called to move them over to the rink.

Gotta be the assistant manager. That's not by brother.

It's great when real stuff can be put into this, as I kid you not that my brother is Moscow's rink manager.

You really write this stuff well- so much fun to read!!!

 

[alfablue]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Depending which route Miami is bussing, the Illinois Tollway ... I wish I could make this up... Has lanes reduced on I-90 tonight, along with 15 minute complete tollway shut downs scheduled until early morning. Right about when Miami would be rollin through. (2am-ish)

Unless they stopped a few times, then by my estimate... They'll be driving through Chicagoland during the early morning rush hour. (5:30 to 10am)


Genius, whoever scheduled the bus route.

Too bad Lake Michigan is frozen over, they could have taken the ferry.

Or jump on US2 in Montana.... Crud- they could go virtually next to Laurium. Well, within a few hours of it. Then shoot from Sault St. Marie to Niagra? I'm sure going to Canada won't be an issue for the team.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Laurium Michigan: Early reports from the BFB Midwest regional indicate that both teams scheduled to compete in today's opening round game have managed to get themselves locked inside their respective locker rooms.

Details are sketchy, as our on-site reporter can only communicate with the tournament offices via a twitter feed routed through a server in Pakistan, but there seems to be confusion over a pending foreclosure action against the double-wide mobile home temporally serving as locker room facilities. After the Boston University and American International teams took their pre-game skate, they returned to the trailer. While they were inside, deputies from the Copper County sheriff's department served the legal notice, and padlocked the building.

We will keep you posted as more information becomes available.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL ADVANCES TO MIDWEST REGIONAL FINAL

A locksmith's equipment malfunction allowed Boston University to open a 4-0 lead in the first eight minutes of the game, and American International made it hold up for a 5-1 defeat. With the loss, AIC earns the right to advance to tomorrow's regional title game against the loser of this afternoon's RIT-Merrimack tilt.

Just prior to scheduled game time, both teams found themselves padlocked and chained inside the rusting double-wide mobile home that was serving as the teams' locker rooms. While area locksmith and gynecologist Aksel Kristiansen was able to get BU's side of the trailer open, his last sawzall blade snapped while trying to cut through the siding on AIC's side. The ragged hole was large enough to allow the coaches and most of the players to escape, but neither Yellow Jacket goalie could fit.

Tournament officials, concerned that further delay might mean missing this afternoon's happy hour at the Moose Lodge, insisted the game start at once. BU assistant coach Buddy Powers said "The officials did what they thought they needed to do in order to keep this event the laughingstock its intended to be. We've got no hard feelings about the outcome."

AIC head coach Gary Wright, the Dean of BFB/F4 coaches, took it all in typical self-deprecating stride "We've been here before...you know, number one regional seed and all...you can't rest on your laurels...these are ALL bad teams here, and sometimes it takes a break like this in order to advance."

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

MOOSE DUNG PROPELLS MERRIMACK TO MIDWEST REGIONAL FINALS

Laurium, Michigan: RIT defenseman Eliot Raibl couldn't believe his apparent good fortune when he found himself wide open at the Merrimack blue line as the clock wound down on a 2-2 tie. "The puck was just sitting there, nobody within ten feet" said the Vancouver BC senior. "I had what seemed like all the time in the world to wind up for the big slapper." But instead of the expected "CLICK" all that was heard was a dull "thump". It wasn't the puck, but rather a piece of moose dung left behind from the intermission "Goose the Moose" contest.

Several players, including Merrimack goalie Rasmus Tirronen, were distracted by bits of flying poo, and in the ensuing confusion junior forward Matt Garbowski found himself alone with the REAL puck, just above the crease. Garbowski stuffed the puck past the spitting, gagging and blinded Fin for the game winner. Tirronen was not available for comment, skipping the postgame press conference altogether. He and the equipment manager were rumored to be searching for some mouthwash.

RIT heads home with a 13-20-5 record. Achieving the 20 loss plateau for the first time since 2005-06, their first season in Division 1. Head Coach Wayne Wilson remained upbeat. "It's hard to lose twenty games when you play in a conference like ours. We'd hoped to go deeper in the tournament, but my hat's off to Merrimack."

Merrimack (8-23-3) will carry the Hockey East banner into the regional final tomorrow against perennial BFB powerhouse American International (10-26-1).

 

[FadeToBlack&Gold]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Bubba Reefer? C'mon Fred, research the area - you needed a Finnish last name there.

I wonder how Rasmus feels about the region's cultural heritage.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BOTH TEAMS INTOXICATED, U MASS DECLARED LOSER

Louisville KY. An case of retaliation aimed at the BFB nearly turned tragic Friday afternoon in this normally quiet Kentucky suburb. The owner/operator of an illegal distillery, upset when his bid to sponsor the BFB event was rejected, took revenge by filling both team's water bottles with 120 proof moonshine. Dwayne "Goober" McHale of Yeller Holler, was taken into custody by agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms shortly after on-ice officials stopped the game just three minutes into the third period.

With the score tied at 1-1, and all the players except the backup goalies passed out, game officials had to get creative. In direct violation of BFB tournament rules, referee Jerome "Curly" Horwitz III declared that the game would be determined by a shoot-out between the reserve netminders.

The shootout went eighteen rounds before Sacred Heart's Andrew Bodnarchuk slipped a weak backhander past an teetering Mac Haight. BFB tournament committee members have not yet commented on the possibility that Horwitz and the rest of his crew may face disciplinary action for allowing the shootout, altho this reporter has heard rumors that he will either be fired or promoted to supervisor of BFB officials.

Sacred Heart ends their season at 13-24-0, while Massachusetts (8-23-5) will hope to recover from their hangovers before tomorrow's regional final against the loser of Penn State and Canisius.

 

[blazer777]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

MOOSE DUNG PROPELLS MERRIMACK TO MIDWEST REGIONAL FINALS

Laurium, Michigan: RIT defenseman Eliot Raibl couldn't believe his apparent good fortune when he found himself wide open at the Merrimack blue line as the clock wound down on a 2-2 tie. "The puck was just sitting there, nobody within ten feet" said the Vancouver BC senior. "I had what seemed like all the time in the world to wind up for the big slapper." But instead of the expected "CLICK" all that was heard was a dull "thump". It wasn't the puck, but rather a piece of moose dung left behind from the intermission "Goose the Moose" contest.

Several players, including Merrimack goalie Rasmus Tirronen, were distracted by bits of flying poo, and in the ensuing confusion junior forward Matt Garbowski found himself alone with the REAL puck, just above the crease. Garbowski stuffed the puck past the spitting, gagging and blinded Fin for the game winner. Tirronen was not available for comment, skipping the postgame press conference altogether. He and the equipment manager were rumored to be searching for some mouthwash.

RIT heads home with a 13-20-5 record. Achieving the 20 loss plateau for the first time since 2005-06, their first season in Division 1. Head Coach Wayne Wilson remained upbeat. "It's hard to lose twenty games when you play in a conference like ours. We'd hoped to go deeper in the tournament, but my hat's off to Merrimack."

Merrimack (8-23-3) will carry the Hockey East banner into the regional final tomorrow against perennial BFB powerhouse American International (10-26-1).

There is a god!

 

[FadeToBlack&Gold]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BFB tournament committee members have not yet commented on the possibility that Horwitz and the rest of his crew may face disciplinary action for allowing the shootout, altho this reporter has heard rumors that he will either be fired or promoted to supervisor of BFB officials.

It's quite obvious that promotion is the only solution. In fact, despite violating BFB tournament rules, I'd say this ref has more than proved his worth.

 

[joecct]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

For those attending the Midwest final at the famed Fritz Dietl (known locally as "The Fritz") ice rink in Westwood, NJ, here is the train schedule. http://www.njtransit.com/pdf/rail/R0010.pdf. If you're staying in midtown NYC, take the train to the Frank Lautenberg transportation center and then catch the Pascack Valley Line on the lower level.

There are also buses from the Port Authority building in midtown NYC.

However, the hotels in Montvale, Park Ridge, or Woodcliff Lake, NJ won't help you. You'll have to hitchhike to the rink or take a (non existent) cab. However, the Woodcliff Lake police department frowns upon hitchhikers.

There is (was) a bagel place towards downtown Westwood (still on Broadway) that was reputedly owned by a family with connections. It's a good place for a pre game nosh or two.

I am shocked, SHOCKED, that no goals were scored off dump ins to the square corners at The Fritz. I would suggest that the committee take a close look at this.

By the way, what time is the game tomorrow? I'm trying to make connections to get there and maybe video the contest for posterity.

 

[MissThundercat]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

It's quite obvious that promotion is the only solution. In fact, despite violating BFB tournament rules, I'd say this ref has more than proved his worth.

Hell, this ref would be an upgrade over Steve McInchak, or Piotrowski, or any of the refs of the old CCHA.