Seawolf (animal)
The seawolf is a hapless aquatic canine native to the northeast Pacific ocean and first described by the acclaimed Irish naturalist T. O'Nine in March of 2012. The seawolf is known mostly for its odd appearance and seeming ineptitude in, and out, of its native habitat. First impressions of the seawolf lead many to believe it is a mistake of nature or the result of a cruel joke, or even animal abuse, but this is not the case. It is born with shaggy gray fur that becomes green with age as algae overcomes the natural defenses of the seawolf through superior intelligence.
While the seawolf is notable among canines for its aquatic lifestyle, it is also unique among aquatic mammals in that it spends most of its life as a bottom dweller. On occasion, seawolves wander into waters cold enough to freeze, whereupon the seawolves are forced up to the surface of the ice in order to breathe. This phenomenon is observed only about two weekends per month between October and March.
Once on the surface of the ice, the seawolves are clearly out of their element, routinely falling prey to sled dogs, big cats, skunks, wrinkly and obese dogs, ground squirrels, beavers, and even cows (of both snow and land varieties). Indeed, killing seawolves on the ice is such easy sport that the Dakota people and pioneers would travel to Alaska from as far away as central Canada and Colorado, respectively, to feast upon nature's heaping bounty of misfortune. This practice was terminated in 2013, as the Dakota people signed a treaty with the pioneers agreeing to eat nachos instead of seawolves, thus saving both groups a ton of gas money.
