Thoughts on the Bachelor finale, because I know you all depend on me.
Spoilers below:
1. When Dr. Mrs. and I held our fantasy bachelorette draft, I won the RPS and drafted Lauren B. #1 overall. She said she would have done the same. So, both of us picked the eventual winner using only the picture and little bio provided by the show prior to the first limo greetings. Either we are all tapped into a Jungian synchronous collective unconscious, or we both have watched way too much television, or it was a coincidence (albeit one with odds of 26-squared to 1).
2. Both women looked beautiful in their finale dresses, JoJo because she was a little s-x kitten and Lauren because Lauren is, genuinely, a lovely woman.
3. JoJo was so forgettable throughout the run of the show that I didn't recognize her on her final date. I mean, come on son.
4. Ben proved himself an empty suit, first by his heel routine of being "in love" with both women, then by his inept and self-centered dumping of JoJo.
5. Although it is my standing contention that there is no genuine emotion in the show and that everybody is there for their 15 minutes / to hype whatever sad sack soap opera acting career they aspire to, Lauren at times actually looked like she might have a wisp of sincere feeling for Ben, which is grotesque because (a) it's Ben, and (b) it's a contrived voyeuristic cattle call to get middle-aged brood sows to cake on more makeup, so actual emotional involvement would indicate desperation or a pathology.
6. The final ran 3 hours. We fast forwarded through everything unnecessary. Our viewing time was about 18 minutes.
7. Ben was the second-most boring Bachelor of all time, second to that flyover stiff 4 cocks ago, Sean. He had no chemistry with anyone, and was also shifty-eyed and bored. May he live long and prosper as the assistant manager of whatever La Quinta Inn he winds up at.
8. This was an unfortunate cycle because the drunk sobered up quickly, the villain went home about show 4, and there was really nothing redeeming about any of the on-screen personnel. The show has long-teetered on the lip of too much product placement and this year it slipped over, making many of the group dates unwatchable. The music choice for the one on one after parties is too often that sickeningly stale country/pop crossover dreck that clogs the arteries of the prairie haus fraus that are the show's go to demo. There is no longer any attempt to bring in younger viewers, bathing the whole show in a sad sort of furniture store narcolepsy.
Finally, Chris Harrison's gettin' old, and his interaction with the cast continues to decrease. Chris is either losing interest or being phased out, and to be honest as with T. J. Lavin it's probably time to let it go. The boys of summer are gone, gentlemen. Depart with dignity.