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The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

I have something called a tarsal coalition in my right foot.

I see the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow, and I think surgery will be recommended. I already dropped out of my race schedule for the year, so I'm ready.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

Basically my right foot is bone on bone, forcing me to compensate on the opposite side of the foot. No amount of pain pills will help that.

I welcome the surgery.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a ***** in front of your older brother's friends.

It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted **** in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The ****/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your ******* to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid **** fart as it gurgled out of your ***.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have **** out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your ******* now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your *******'s broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a **** stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.

-unknown
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

That sh1t is the devil. They gave me that as prep for some surgery and I was so dehydrated by the time I got there they couldn't get a line in me. :(
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

I had to drink that as part of my colonoscopy prep. It was the last part of a sick and twisted process.

1. Take (4) laxative pills.
2. Drink 64 ounces of gatorade with an entire bottle of Miralax mixed in.
3. Drink 10 ounces of magnesium citrate.

This over a 10 hour period.

I only got 40 ounces of the gatorade drank and I threw up most of it.
I only drank half the magnesium citrate.

I called the nurse after I threw up. That was about 4 hours in. She said to keep drinking. I only drank a little more so I didn't throw up again. The magnesium citrate was going to make me power vomit so I stopped before that happened. I figured half was better than nothing.

The procedure itself was a breeze. The prep sucked.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

ScoobyDoo said:
I had to drink that as part of my colonoscopy prep. It was the last part of a sick and twisted process.

1. Take (4) laxative pills.
2. Drink 64 ounces of gatorade with an entire bottle of Miralax mixed in.
3. Drink 10 ounces of magnesium citrate.

This over a 10 hour period.

I only got 40 ounces of the gatorade drank and I threw up most of it.
I only drank half the magnesium citrate.

I called the nurse after I threw up. That was about 4 hours in. She said to keep drinking. I only drank a little more so I didn't throw up again. The magnesium citrate was going to make me power vomit so I stopped before that happened. I figured half was better than nothing.

The procedure itself was a breeze. The prep sucked.
Click to expand...

Great. Something to look forward to when I turn 40.

I'm also aware, being trans, I need to still get prostate exams done until I have confirmation surgery.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

MissThundercat said:
Great. Something to look forward to when I turn 40.

I'm also aware, being trans, I need to still get prostate exams done until I have confirmation surgery.
Click to expand...

50.

The procedure is a breeze, now. The prep is just gross because you strap in and ride the bowel bowl for about 18 straight hours. You're squeaky clean by the end of it, though. Must be great if you're into anal.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

I tried to have a positive attitude- I was still working as an NP at the time. Every moment I was free I felt like I should be catching up on my charting. Figured I couldn't chart when I had to keep going into the loo. I read a whole book without guilt.

The prep described above is stupid. No one uses that out here. We get the Miralax/gatorade thing. I had to drink the Mag Cit for one of my surgeries. Never again. The second one I just went on a lix diet for 5 days. That worked.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

My best friend has stage 4 colon cancer(spread to his liver). He's 57. Of course there's a backstory; at 50 he had his first colonoscopy and everything was clear so they told him to come back in 5 years. Something came up in year 5 so he missed that follow-up. Same for year 6. Year 7 rolled around he went to get checked for an inguinal hernia and that's when they found the C.
Started chemo, developed a couple of infections but all in all he's doing pretty good. Chemo has shrunk the tumors and it turns out the massive doses of antibiotics has somehow helped to shrink the tumors too.

So when they tell you to come back for a follow-up, do so.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

Kepler said:
50.

The procedure is a breeze, now. The prep is just gross because you strap in and ride the bowel bowl for about 18 straight hours. You're squeaky clean by the end of it, though. Must be great if you're into anal.
Click to expand...

That was the weird thing with me. I didn't ride the bowel for 18 straight hours. I was on the couch for most of it wondering why I didn't have to go.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

SonofSouthie said:
My best friend has stage 4 colon cancer(spread to his liver). He's 57. Of course there's a backstory; at 50 he had his first colonoscopy and everything was clear so they told him to come back in 5 years. Something came up in year 5 so he missed that follow-up. Same for year 6. Year 7 rolled around he went to get checked for an inguinal hernia and that's when they found the C.
Started chemo, developed a couple of infections but all in all he's doing pretty good. Chemo has shrunk the tumors and it turns out the massive doses of antibiotics has somehow helped to shrink the tumors too.

So when they tell you to come back for a follow-up, do so.
Click to expand...

So, they said 10 years for me? My understanding is ff it was 5 he must have had some polyps that weren't cancer yet but were the type that could turn into cancer? And, my brother-in-law who has that situation is on a three year come back plan.

Since mine was completely clear with no polyps it's 10 years. If they see any polyps at all they rip them right out during the procedure.

I'm very sorry for what your friend is going through. Colon cancer is awful. And, as my doctor said, the invasive colonoscopy is the only true method we have for early detection.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

I'm sitting here in the office and in he strolls. Looking good for a guy half dead I tell him. FU he says to me. He'll be fine. He said they did find a polyp the first time.
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

joecct said:
Really?? why am I thinking of the sausage adage?
Click to expand...

From the University of Michigan Gender Services website, where I plan on having the surgery done.

At the University of Michigan, participants of the Comprehensive Gender Services Program who are ready for a male-to-female sex reassignment surgery will be offered a penile inversion vaginoplasty with a neurovascular neoclitoris.

During this procedure, a surgeon makes “like become like,” using parts of the original ***** to create a sensate neo-vagina. The testicles are removed, a procedure called orchiectomy. The skin from the scrotum is used to make the labia. The erectile tissue of the ***** is used to make the neoclitoris. The urethra is preserved and functional.

This procedure provides for aesthetic and functional female genitalia in one 4-5 hour operation. The details of the procedure, the course of recovery, the expected outcomes, and the possible complications will be covered in detail during your surgical consultation
Click to expand...
 
Re: The Medical Thread: We're experts on everything else; why not?

It's pretty amazing what a good surgeon can do. I have a lot of appreciation for the required schooling after my mere appendectomy some years back. Takes quite a bit beyond GP to be a cutter.
 
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