Kepler
Si certus es dubita
I know she want to business school and worked for JPMorgan and to you both of those are awful because she didn't have to memorize Plutarch and therefore is not smart.
That isn't the point of a liberal arts education. Please tell me that was part of the joke (which TBF was otherwise very good and got me twice because I don't know any Plutarch).
A Spartan woman, whose son deserted, seeing he was unworthy of his country, declared, “No offspring of mine!” and dispatched him. This is her epigram:Bad seed—off to the darkness where Broad River
Begrudges its flow to timid deer that shiver.
Worthless whelp, short straw, slink off to Hades!
No son of Sparta—nor of one of her ladies.
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Another, hearing her son had fallen in the line of duty, said:
Mourning is for cowards. I shed no tear for you,
My child. I am a Spartan; you are too.
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Another, hearing her son was safe and sound having deserted the fighting, wrote to him: “A bad rumor besmirches you. Expunge it, or yourself.”
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Another, when her sons had slipped away from battle and returned to her, said, “Where do you think you’re fleeing to, you sorry runaways? Trying to slink back here where you came from?” and yanked up her robe and showed them.
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Another, seeing her son approaching from battle, asked, “How fares Sparta?” He replied, “All are dead!” Picking up a roof tile, she brained him, saying, “And I suppose they sent you to give us the bad news?”
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When a man detailed his brother’s brave death to his mother, she replied, “Isn’t it a shame you failed to join him on such a glorious journey?”
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A woman who had sent her five sons to war waited anxiously outside the city and asked a man approaching which way the battle was going. When he replied that her sons had all perished, she retorted, “You sorry slave, that’s not what I asked.” When he said Sparta was winning, she said, “In that case, I gladly accept the death of my sons.”
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Another, sending her lame son to the front line, said, “Think valor with every step.”
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Another, when her son limped back from battle wounded in the foot and in a world of pain, said, “Remember courage and you’ll forget to hurt.”
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A Spartan so badly wounded he had to struggle on all fours was embarrassed to look so ridiculous. His mother told him, “Isn’t it better to exult in your courage than blush at the laughter of fools?”
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Another Spartan woman handed her son a shield and encouraged him with: “As a shield or a stretcher.”
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Another gave her son a shield as he set out for war, saying, “Your father always saved this for you. Keep it safe, not yourself.”
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Another, when her son complained his sword was too short, said, “Step forward: add a foot to it.”
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A go-between asked a Spartan matron if she was open to an affair. She replied, “As a girl I learned to obey my father; as a woman, my husband. If this man’s proposal is on the up-and-up, let him ask my husband first.”
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A penniless Spartan maiden, when asked what dowry she would bring her bridegroom, replied, “My native...wit.”
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When a Spartan girl was asked if she had been free with a man, she said, “No, but he was with me.”
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An unmarried girl, who secretly fell pregnant, performed her own abortion and was so disciplined she didn’t make a peep, so neither her father nor her neighbors had any idea: by beautifully confronting her ugly deed, she mastered her agony.
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A captive Spartan woman up for auction, when asked what tasks she could be entrusted with, said, “to be trustworthy.”
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Another, asked the same question, said, “to be mistress of a house.”
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A third, asked by someone if she would be a good girl if he bought her, retorted, “Yes, and if you don’t.”
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A fourth, asked what she knew how to do, replied, “Be free.” And when her buyer made her perform tasks unbefitting a free woman, she said, “I’ll give you buyer’s remorse!” and killed herself.