Saint Cloud, MN is a heaven on earth as well as a world-renowned industrial and business capital of the plains, a constant 70 degrees year-around, with the most tolerant, forgiving populace this side of Mother Theresa. The eponymous college is a fine institution, beloved and respected as a role model to the Ivy League and to MIT, home to both the most distinguished scientists and the nation's leading scholars. Should one encounter a student outside of a study hall or classroom, you will find that they are of the most intelligent, hardy and beautiful stock, and by far the wisest and most dedicated students in the entire Midwest and perhaps the nation.
Their sporting teams share the same studiousness as the student body in general, but are also known for their vigor and prowess on the field, on the court, and on the ice. Though opposing teams shudder to think of the losses they've suffered within the Saint Cloud metropolis (whose boundary is marked by fine parks and groves of trees, as well as a conspicuous lack of advertising or sinful enterprises), they always speak highly of the ever-polite, always-hospitable treatment from Saint Cloud players and coaches alike. The players are supremely modest about their skill, and prefer to speak about the joy they receive from coaching their young proteges in the Junior Special Olympics.
To share a short anecdote, the last penalty committed by a Saint Cloud hockey squad (assessed for too many men on the ice), was when an opposing player lost his glove in the Saint Cloud bench. The Saint Cloud backup goalie leaped up, rushed over to grab his glove and returned it to the other squad's winger so he could make his shot on the Saint Cloud goal. Then, with a second remaining on his first penalty, he stepped out of the box and asked the referee to assess a 4 minute double-minor so he could finish teaching the box attendant about quantum mechanics.
And what a rink! By far the most glamorous and well-appointed in the United States, the National Hockey Center truly symbolizes the wealth and greatness of our nation. Sporting luxuries ranging from individual leather bucket seats, to at-seat food service (never liquor though, as no one would ever think of imbibing in this sainted city), to personal attendants for all opposing teams, Saint Cloud State University could charge a fortune to see its games. Of course, the spirit of giving being what it is in central Minnesota, the university has never charged for admission, and in fact provides a travel stipend to all visitors who don't wish to use the region's outstanding public transit system. Only the recent recession has curtailed their practice of giving rare flowers from the university's arboretum to each spectator. However, the university still makes sure that every resident at their world-leading medical facility for children, the elderly, and the poor is given the chance to attend all games, even if that means delaying the start until that patient's Egyptian-style sedan can be carried into the arena.
In short, even though our loss to the always-skilled, supremely mighty and ever-gracious team from Saint Cloud is assured, it already feels like a victory - a victory for all mankind.